Wondering what other parents consider when it comes to children and chores?

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Growing up my siblings and I were not required to do chores, however we would take out the trash if asked, or help set dinner table 🍔 😄 if asked. We weren't given specific chores, and we never had family meetings (unlike my father always wanted to) 😢

My child gets an allowance but it is not tied to doing chores. I expect her to keep her room clean but otherwise I just expect that she helps around the house when she is being asked to like doing laundry, washing/drying dishes, vacuuming, light cooking/baking. We all get together on Saturday mornings to clean the house so it's not like we sit on our behinds while she is doing all the work. We are all contributing.

As for your question what is *fair*: Anything is fair that your 12 year old will likely encounter a few years from now as an adult. As a matter of fact, I think it is *unfair* if you don't give him the opportunity to learn what he needs to know as an adult.

The reason a question like this is impossible is there are so many variables that impact the answer. For example, we don't know if it's just you and him in a condo, or if you and your husband have 3 kids in a 4000 square foot house, where a lot more needs to be done.

I do think the first answer divided things nicely, because there are certain expectations that aren't chores and aren't tied to allowance. But by 12, most kids I know have had chores for several years. My sister is a single mom in a fairly large home with 2 kids around this age, and they alternate weekly on some basic stuff like laundry, cleaning and vacuuming, etc. They also have daily chores like loading and unloading the dishwasher. Because they do so much around the house, her personal choice is that they can do what they want with their rooms (with the exception of food or dirty dishes).

But some of this might not work for you.

1. Be responsible for his own sphere: Keep his room clean, keep his appearance neat, keep up on his schoolwork, all without being told.

2. Chores that contribute to the greater family good. These can be anything. I suggest as a general rule that children your son's age should do an equal share of most common household chores as they are capable of doing so. That can be any combination of laundry, dishes, house-cleaning (including bathrooms), yardwork and even cooking. Part of their reward for doing this should be some sort of pay-for-performing allowance (don't give away money for free at this age) and also time spent with the parents doing fun things...since the child is doing work that should theoretically free up the parents for this sort of thing.

3. Exceptional projects should be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. It's important that your child function as a contributing member of Team Family, but they shouldn't be a servant of it.