(十萬緊急)不通順，錯文法.....麻煩幫糾正
The disparitybetween the rich and the poor is not something that can be resolvedquickly. As a result, the government must have a long-term plan andmeasure to modify the issue, adjust the policy to create a fairopportunity to compete .
Firstly, the government is expectedto focus more on the well-being of grassroots of the society as tonarrow the gap between the rich and the poor. The current welfarepolicies made by the government, including the reduction ofpublic housing rents, electricity bills and the release of additionalCSSA paymentshave won initial success. Nevetheless, there is still along way for the government to go in the long run. Accordingly, thegovernment need to carry the land policy to built more and morepublic housing to adapt the basic housing requirement. In addition,the government should implement an universal retirement protection,long-term preparation for the public. On the other hand, adjustingupwards the amount of the minimum wage can help to enhance the incomeof the lower class.
Secondly, to enhance the productivity ofthe lower class is the direction of the government's povertyalleviation. From employment counseling aspect, the governmentshould provide free vocational training through job matching and help the basic class to become self-reliance. From creation ofemployment opportunities, the government should promote socialenterprises for making the community becomes self-sufficiency andcreate more employment opportunities.
Finally, the governmentshould make a great effort in helping the children who grow inpoverty-stricken families. In the knowledge-based society, the poorchildren develop their competitiveness difficultly due to failing toget adequate material support. Those children may follow the parental poverty, resulting in inter-generational poverty. Thegovernment should provide more learning resources for children oflower class to reducing the chance of the next generation of poverty.
急！高分請高手改英文作文
2012-03-11 2:48 am
回答 (2)
2012-03-11 3:40 am
✔ 最佳答案
1. The disparity between the rich and the poor is not something that can be resolvedquickly.-->不通順/Chinglish港式英語
Can be changed to:
The disparity between the rich and the poor, which is a complicated issue/ a big issue, can be resolvedquickly.
2. Nevetheless, there is still a long way for the government to go in the long run.
-->語意重覆(repetition) + 可突出主題
Can be changed to:
Nevetheless, there is still a long path/ way for the government in addressing the issue of poverty.
3. Accordingly, the government need to carry the land policy to built more and morepublic housing to adapt the basic housing requirement.
-->Agreement +collocation+to-infinitive
Can be changed to:
Accordingly, the government needs to carry out the land policy to build more and more public housing to adapt the basic housing requirement.
4. From creation of employment opportunities, the government should promote social enterprises for making the community becomes self-sufficiency and create more employment opportunities.
-->more than 1 verb in a sentence without connectives
Can be changed to:
From creation of employment opportunities, the government should promote social enterprises for making the community to become self-sufficiency and creating* more employment opportunities.
* Please notice that creating* more employment opportunities refers to the government's promotion of social enterprises. Hence, parallel sentence is used here to link the impacts of promotion of social enterprises by the government.
5. The government should provide more learning resources for children of lower class to reducing the chance of the next generation of poverty.
-->to-infinitive
Can be changed to:
The government should provide more learning resources for children of lower class to reduce the chance of the next generation of poverty.
General comment:
- good arguments
- with broad insight
- plenty of jargons, nice=)
- be careful when using complex sentence structure
- beware of to-infinitive
參考: Myself: University student
2012-03-11 12:22 pm
ST (001), your point #1 is the opposite of the idea of the passage.
That expression is common in English and not Chinglish.
2012-03-11 04:29:44 補充：
#2, could you not spot the spelling mistake of "nevetheless"?
Spelling mistake aside, your sentence is incorrect.
2012-03-11 04:32:01 補充：
#3, to meet the basic housing requirement, not adapt
2012-03-11 04:36:59 補充：
#4, use a bare infinitive after make
become self-sufficient, not self-sufficiency
promote social enterprises to make the community become self-sufficient
2012-03-11 04:42:45 補充：
#5, the next generation of poverty should be
"cross-generation poverty" and there is no article for the noun phrase.
That expression is common in English and not Chinglish.
2012-03-11 04:29:44 補充：
#2, could you not spot the spelling mistake of "nevetheless"?
Spelling mistake aside, your sentence is incorrect.
2012-03-11 04:32:01 補充：
#3, to meet the basic housing requirement, not adapt
2012-03-11 04:36:59 補充：
#4, use a bare infinitive after make
become self-sufficient, not self-sufficiency
promote social enterprises to make the community become self-sufficient
2012-03-11 04:42:45 補充：
#5, the next generation of poverty should be
"cross-generation poverty" and there is no article for the noun phrase.
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