幫我睇下有冇可改善ge地方...

The main characters (we describe people in a book as characters) in this story were (when introducing a book, we use past tense since the book was written in the past) Jake and the little ghost.

One day, Jake wanted to go to the fairground so his sister and her boyfriend (the " his " in " his sister" refers to " Jake". We should change "her boyfriend" to " his sister's boyfriend") took him there. Jake rode on the ghost train and saw a little ghost. But it was not scary at all! Suddenly, a Ghost Inspector popped in (since this Ghost Inspector has not been mentioned so I presume it appeared suddenly) and measured the little ghost with a (if we use “his”, it is unclear whose meter it was) scare-o-meter. After that (no “the measured” – “measured” is wrong. We should use a noun – “measurement”, but I still suggest you to delete these words to make your presentation less clumsy), he said, "It is (this is a piece of conversation so we do not need to stick to past tense unless we need to. The reason why I use “is” is based on your introduction, the scary-o-meter is to measure the scary level of the little ghost, which should not be changed according to its target, so I use present tense “is”) not scary at all!"

So the owner of the fairground (I guess this is what you mean) ordered it to get out. (to "order" someone to get out) At last, Jake took him (I do not know who this “him” is referring to since only Jake was mentioned in the whole process of the adventure, I presume you are referring to the little ghost) to the "Hall Of Mirrors" and made him look scarier (more scary is wrong - scary; scarier; scariest)!


This is the end of my presentation. Thank you very much for listening!

Good morning!
Today, I would like to introduce a book to you which is called "The Fairground Ghost".
The important people in this story were Jake and the little ghost. One day, Jake wanted to go to the fairground so his sister and her boyfriend took him there. Jake took a ride on the ghost train and saw a little ghost. But it was not scary. Suddenly, a Ghost Inspector measured the little ghost with his scare-o-meter. After taking the measure, he said,"It was not scary at all." So the owner asked the little ghost to get out. At last, Jake took it to the "Hall Of Mirrors"and made it more scary!
That is the end of my presentation. Thank you for listening