[英文] 批改 文章 唔該哂 08-06-24

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to reply to your letter reference number 123 ( no need to write their name in your letter and no need to attach their letter here, because they should be looking up for the letter they sent out themselves).
I applied a ZZZ Platinum Visa Card in May 08 (Ref: **********). During the processing period, I quitted my previous job. Now, as I am planning to further study at postgraduate level, I will probably not have a full-time job in the coming year. Therefore, I would like to amend my application as follows.
I would like to apply for a ZZZ Classic Card instead. Although I will not be able to provide a new employment contract to your bank as reference, I will still look for half-time jobs with a yearly salary ranging from HK$40,000 – HK$60,000. Moreover, I have an integrated bank Account (No: ***-******-***) in your bank as my primary bank account. The account has about thirty to ninety Hong Kong Dollars (so little ?, just $ 30 – 90?)in average recently, either in saving or deposit (sorry may be I do not know much about banking, I think that saving and deposit account is the same, do you mean current account ?) accounts. For your reference, I also have some units of mutual funds from JF and Investec, which are valued approximately ten thousand Hong Kong Dollars. The latest statement of the integrated bank account has been attached with this letter(no too). In additional to my assets, I believe that your bank could consider my credit report which I firmly believed that my credit record is a ‘clean’ one. I had Credit Cards since 1999 and I always paid the bills on time. Various banks approved my Credit Card Applications with ease.
I hope that your bank will approve my application soon, so that I can have my spending with the credit card issued by your bank.

Thank you very much.


Yours faithfully,

(My Name)

Thanks for Baggio4182007's corrections and comments on my English writing last time. I jnow that there's plenty of room for improvement in my English writing. Here is a letter I wrote to a bank .It's nothing important but just for a writing practice.

2008-06-26 11:52:33 補充：
Typing mistake : I jnow ......-------> I know.....

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing in response to your letter dated *****. I made an application for
a ZZZ Platinum Visa Card to your bank in May 08 (Ref: **********). Since then I have quitted my job. As I am now planning to further my study at the postgraduate level, I would probably not have a full-time job in the coming year. Hence, I would like to make the following ammendments to my card application.

I would like to apply for a ZZZ Classic Card instead of a PlatinumVisa Card. I understand that I will not be able to provide you with an employment contract as required. Howver, I am looking for some half-time jobs (should it be part-time jobs?) with annual salary between HK$40,000 and HK$60,000. Additionally, I have an integrated bank Account (No: ***-******-***) with your bank as my primary bank account, which recently usually maintains a balance between thirty and ninty Hong Kong Dollars. In addtion to the saving in my account, I also hold some units of mutual funds from JF and Investec, which have a value of approximately HK$10,000, (see the attached statement of my integrated bank Account).

Finally, I have been a credit card user since 1999 and have never experienced any difficulties with my card applications with various banks or have ever fallen behind with my credit card payments. I hope you can take into account of my 'clean' credit card record and approve my card application.

Looking forward to becoming one of your valued credit card customers!

Yours faithfully,

(Your Name)

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am replying for your letter dated x/x/xx with referende nos.XX.

As I applied for a ZZZ Platinum Visa Card in May 08 (Ref: **********). During the processing period, I quitted my job. Now I am planning to have further study at postgraduate level, I probably will not have a full-time job in the coming year. Therefore, I would like to amend my information for my application as follows.

I would like to apply for a ZZZ Classic Card instead. Although I will not be able to provide a new employment contract to your bank, I am looking for part-time job with salary range at HK$40,000 – HK$60,000 yearly. Moreover, I have an integrated bank Account (No: ***-******-***) in your bank as my primary bank account. The account has the average balance around thirty to ninety Hong Kong Dollars. For your reference, I also have some units of mutual funds from JF and Investec which are valued approximately ten thousand Hong Kong Dollars. Please see the attached of my latest statement of the integrated bank account.
In additional to my assets, I believed that your bank should consider my credit report. I firmly believed that my credit record is a ‘clean’ one. I had Credit Cards since 1999 and I always paid up the bills on time. Various banks approved my credit card applications with ease.

I hope that your bank will approve my application soon, so that I can have my spending with your bank.

Thank you very much.


Yours faithfully,

(My Name)

As I am now planning to further my study at postgraduate level, I will probably not have a full-time job in the coming year. Therefore, I would like to amend my application as follows.

I would like to apply for a ZZZ Classic Card instead. Although I can not take up a full time job, I will work part-time and expect a yearly income ranging from HK$40,000 to HK$60,000. Moreover, I have an integrated account (No: ***-******-***) with your bank as my primary bank account. It has a total balance of thirty to ninety Hong Kong Dollars in the past xxx years. For your reference, I also have some units of JF and Investec mutual funds, which are valued at approximately ten thousand Hong Kong Dollars. The latest statement of the integrated bank account is attached.
In addition to my assets, my clean credit record should also be taken into consideration. I have had credit cards since 1999 and I always pay the bills on time. I have never had any problem in credit application with any bank.

I hope that your bank will approve my application soon so that I can start spending with the credit card issued by your bank.


(I have exceeded the word limit therefore I have to delete some of the passage)
1. You do not provide (offer) a new employment contract to a bank. Only employers can offer a newemployment contact to their employees. You can say "prove of employment" instead.
2. The average balance of a bank account should be a (rough) figure, not a range.
3. Attach to, not attach with.
4. We dont use past tense when we talk about something which has happened 'since' a certain point of time.
5. If you use past tense in "I always paid the bills on time", you mean to say that it only happened in the past. If you still pay your bills on time now, use present tense.
6. In addition, not in additional.
7. I have made some other changes. Check them up.

2008-06-24 10:16:08 補充：
I am a private English tutor. The mistakes you have made are common among my students. You are doing fine. Dont worry. Read more and review the grammar rules from time to time. Believe me, it really helps.

2008-06-25 19:39:02 補充：
I teach senior form students.