Chinese-English(2)(請用人手譯)

春天到了, 山青了, 樹綠了, 花開了, 山雀飛來飛去, 草叢裡的蝴蝶也舞動起來, 奇妙的初春多誘人。


Spring is here. Hills ’ve turned green, trees ’ve come into leaf, and flowers in full bloom. Birds are flying all around, while butterflies are dancing their way through the tussock. How amazing and captivating early Spring is!


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翻譯此等類似詩詞的句子, 宜採取精簡但又不失原意的方式。
---譯文不用 mountains, 因為這字過於正統, 讀來不及 hills 流暢好聽；
---’ve 是 have 的簡寫, 讀音也縮短了, 只發尾聲, 令句子讀來簡潔, 合符詩詞形式 (曾見用於歌詞及詩句等非正式文字內)；
---come into leaf 是 fixed phrase, 樹木生長葉子的意思；’ve come into leaf 是已經長出綠葉了, 也即原文的‘樹綠了’；
...in full bloom 是 idiom, 描述花朵的話是花朵盛放的意思；
---tussock 字典的注釋是 a small thick mass of grass (草叢、草簇), 意思合符原文, 只覺深奧一些, 未找到更好的字代替前, 暫且選用這字；lawn 是草地、草坪, 字典也說是指修整得很整齊、草很短, 像綠色地氈那樣的草地, 看來不像是蝴蝶經常穿插的地方, 原文的‘草叢’應該是長度比較高而生於野外的草堆, 因此不是 lawn；
---如何分割句子非常重要, 不佳的話令文章大為失色, 更可能改變了原文的意思, 例如有網友把 flowers 和 birds 放在同一句子, 譯成是雀鳥在花朵上面飛翔, 但其實原文並無所指。

I’ve tried my best. Hope you like it.

Here comes the Spring, mountains look greener, so do the trees. Flowers are blooming, with wild birds flying to and forth up above. Even the butterfly in the lawn is dancing. What a wonderful and captivating early Spring !

2008-05-11 19:34:45 補充：
I think this is a better beginning :

Here comes the Spring ! Mountains look greener....

spring arrived .Mountains are green ,trees are green too. Flowrs are flowered.
birds are flying around.the butterfly in a thick growth of grass are dancing.
The beginning of the amazing spring are alluring!

Spring comes.Mountains green,flowers open,birds fly.The butterflies in the bush also dance,what an amazing spring.