幫我睇下grammar有冇問題

Lucy is the main character in this story . One day, she received a call from a policeman Ammon . He told Lucy that Fiona, a schoolmate of Lucy, was found dead at her home . So, Ammon invisited Lucy to assist in providing information about this case during the investigation of Fiona' s death . Later, Ammon found out some evidence showing that Lucy may be the murder .
Since then, Lucy investigated the case by herself and finally found out an evidence that the identity of the dead body found at her home was Michelle, but not Fiona . This evidence showed that Fiona was the murder who killed Michelle . Therefore , Lucy could rid her suspicion .

Hope this helps you .

1. you should not start a sentence with ** So ** you may write Officer / Inspector / Investigator Ammon.
2. "schoolmate" should without the s.
3. you should add a comma between Lucy and was
4 . you can change the word ** Later ** to "During the investigation, Investigator Ammon discovered Lucy was the primary suspect for this murder case after he interviewed with some witnesses. ** witnesses ** more than one
5. Aviod to use two ** found ** in one sentence. you can not use ** then ** and ** but ** in one sentence. Therefore, Lucy investigated by her own and discovered that the identity of the dead body found in her home was Michelle and not Fiona.
6. you could change that sentence to..... In additional, Fiona was the person who killed / murder Michelle.
7. At last, Lucy could rid her suspiction in the muder case.

Hope it will help you!

One day, she received a call from Ammon who is a policeman.

--Ammon後面應該有comma.

---One day, she received a call from Ammon, who is a policeman.


He told Lucy that Fiona, a schoolmates of Lucy was found dead in her home.

--schoolmates 應該係schoolmate, 因為係single. schoolmate 後面應該有comma.

---He told Lucy that Fiona, a schoolmate of Lucy, was found dead in her home.


So, Ammon invisited Lucy to help during the investigation of Fiona's death.

--invisited spell錯o左,應該係 invited.

---So, Ammon invited Lucy to help during the investigation of Fiona's death.


Later,Ammon found out some witness showing that Lucy may be the murder.

--witness 應該係witnesses, 因為係plural.

---Later,Ammon found out some witnesses showing that Lucy may be the murder.


Then, Lucy investigated by herself and found out that the identity of the dead body found at home was Michelle, but not Fiona.

--唔洗but都ok.

---Then, Lucy investigated by herself and found out that the identity of the dead body found at home was Michelle, not Fiona.


And Fiona was the murder, she killed Michelle.

----Fiona was the murder, and she killed Michelle. <--咁"洋"應該順D.


At last, Lucy can rid her suspicion.

---At last, Lucy got rid of her suspicion.

Ammon invisited Lucy to help during the investigation of Fiona's death
這句唔係好通

你係咪想講
Ammon invited Lucy to help investigate the death of Fiona.

Ammon found out some witness showing that Lucy may be the murder.
應該係
Ammon found some witnesses showing that Lucy may be the murder. (多過一個証人)
Ammon found some evidences showing that Lucy may be the murder. (証物或証句)

Then, Lucy investigated by herself and found out that the identity of the dead body found at home was Michelle, but not Fiona. And Fiona was the murder, she killed Michelle.At last, Lucy can rid her suspicion


Therefore, Lucy investigated on her own and found out that the dead body was Michelle, not Fiona. In addition, she found out that Fiona was the murder, which help herself to get rid of the suspicion.

Ammon found out some witness showing that Lucy may be the murder.

this sentence is wrong

because some is plural adj.

some witness should be some witnesses