Was he actually in love with me,  or even jealous? ?

2021-04-16 3:25 pm
Im sorry if this sounds complicated. 

We have known each other over 2yrs. Im 35 he is 27.

He pursued me, we started meeting for coffees/dates and after a month we were intimate. Thjngs were great, he was attentive - we met most days until a few months in when we sat and had a serious convo- he liked us as a couple but didnt want to be serious - his reasons were that  i am a few years older than him and  i already had a kid in my country etc- i agreed that i also didnt want to be serious and we continued as we were. We argued a month later and then started meeting for coffees again. It was more casual and cold and i know he had told his friends we were in a relationship but not seriously.  We still went places always. 

I had met with male friends (just friends) and granted i didn't tell him..His friend saw me and told him.. we went for lunch and he confronted me,  i asked if he was jealous - he said no, he was annoyed I hadn't told him and he had to hear it from a friend. Said that we should stop being intimate and that he wasnt around to 'block my life'

We still met up and went shopping and kissed time to time and then he moved to the UK. We said goodbye and he sometimes sends me old pics of us.  
更新1:

He has never said he loves me, has always said he wants to see me happy and he is sorry that i wasnt his type for marriage- we have always helped each other (even until now) ... he sends me old pics of us and calls me once a week, yet acts like a friend and makes jokes about the men commenting on my pics.  Was he falling for me and jealous? Did i ruin it?  He has never been malicious or unkind. 

更新2:

I also know he himself had female friends. We always agreed we would be open with each other if someone else was involved but i was legitimately meeting with a work colleage for lunch and a friend from my home country.  We dont speak everyday and I never tell him if I meet friends.. I admit i denied it at first but when i call he answers and meets me and takes out in his car if i ask. 

回答 (3)

2021-04-16 4:20 pm
✔ 最佳答案
OK, YOU say that you were "just friends" with a male friend that you went to lunch with.  Here is the problem with that.  Maybe, just MAYBE it is true.  But the truth does not matter.  Not even a tiny bit.  You spending time alone with a guy without telling your boyfriend put you in a scenario where you were likely to be tempted to cheat on your boyfriend.  Your boyfriend, even at 27 years old, was wise enough to realize that your behavior was really NOT OK.  

Generally speaking...if your girlfriend is spending time alone with guy "friends" and doing that without telling you, then...
That (alone) is just as bad as if she is having sex with other guys.

Maybe she is having sex with other guys, and maybe not.  The problem is, in her mind...putting herself in situations where she might be tempted to have sex with other guys is OK.  That is a huge red flag and any guy would know that you avoid a girl like that.

Was he jealous?  No.  He was annoyed, as he just saw a side of you that he did not like.  You had just confirmed to him that you were the type of person he should not be sexually involved with.  That was annoying, but it was only annoying because he discovered that AFTER having sex with you.

He says you should stop being intimate.  YES.  In hindsight, he never should have been intimate with you.  Not even once.  He said he is not around to "block my life".  YES.  He knows that you are not in the right mindset to be faithful to one man.  Considering you are 35, then it is likely that you never will be in the right mindset to be faithful to one man.  So he's setting you free to have sex with as many guys (simultaneously) as you feel you must.

This is all logical so far.  But then it turns kind of strange.  You say we still met up and went shopping and kissed time to time until he moved to the UK.  I don't understand that part.  If I catch you having lunch (without telling me) with a male friend, one of two things is going to happen:
1) I tell you we're done and then I ghost you or
2)  If I'm really mad, I might JUST ghost you

What I will not do is spend time with you, ever again.  

It seems you broke the poor guy's heart.  He had to distance himself from you, but it was very painful for him to do what he had to do.  He had no choice but to break up with you.  But it wasn't easy.
2021-04-16 3:35 pm
How many times are you going to post this?
2021-04-16 3:32 pm
From the sounds of things it seemed like he did love you. If he did not have any feelings towards you then there is no way that he would have reacted the way he did when he found out that you met male friends for lunch. Hence, what you are described in your question sounds exactly like a couple in a relationship. Remember, all a relationship consists of if two mutually exclusive people who share an emotional connection. This is what you were although the guy had a bit of apprehension about making things official with you. Looking back on it, he probably regrets not making things official with you because it would have prevented him from getting upset when you met with male friends.

收錄日期: 2021-04-24 08:46:28
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