Now he wants sex?
2020-11-30 10:31 pm
My husband and I are in our early 50s. He's 51 and I'll be 50 in a few weeks. For the majority of the year he's not been wanting to touch me. Up until a few weeks ago we had only had sex maybe 3 times this year. Yes, I was sexually frustrated. About a month ago we finally did it. A week or so later he wanted to do it again but I wasn't in the mood. The next week we did have sex again. The other night he was playing around with me like he always does and I knew he wanted to have sex again but I turned him down again. I just wanted him to cuddle with me. One of his biggest issues with me is that I don't initiate sex anymore so he got to the point to where he wasn't going to keep making all the moves. We got into it again last night about it and he asked me when the last time I actually wanted sex and actually made a move to get it. Or. since cuddling is such a big thing with me why haven't I ever rolled over in the bed and actually cuddled with him. Maybe I'm wrong but I'm the one who wants to be cuddled not the one doing the cuddling. He even made mention that I don't go down on him anymore. It's like when we got married some 10 years ago that switch got turned off. Yeah, I know I've complained here a lot about our lack of sex but now it seems he wants it all the time now and I wasn't ready for that. Did I awaken a sleeping giant by complaining so much?
回答 (40)
2020-12-01 7:21 am
Your husband probably feels like these things are a one-way street where he has to do all the work...because that's exactly the situation you describe. Maybe he wants to be cuddled once in a while. Maybe he wants to feel wanted by having you make the first move occasionally. Men aren't emotionless stones who don't need some nurturing too.
2020-12-02 2:55 am
You got what you wanted, but now do not want it, or can't handle it and come here for what? To be told you are in the right? Ha. Typical.
2020-12-02 12:23 am
He probably just misses that intimacy with you. Sex isnt always about sex. Sometimes it's nice to just be with the person you love in such a private one on one way. A marriage is a bond and maybe he just misses feeling a certain closeness with you. I wouldn't "just have sex" to fix the issue but definitely try to do something that your comfortable with that can make it a more relaxing thing for the both of you. Best of luck!
2020-12-01 3:21 am
Perhaps you've awaked something, but the two of you need to start communicating and being responsive to each other.
2020-12-02 2:57 am
At 50, you're far from being senior citizens. An active healthy sex life is far from being abnormal, it is a necessity for most people. The initiative should be equally taken by both of you. Fortunately, I've never had that problem as both my wife and I are still compatible and enjoy each other while in our late 70s.
2020-12-01 3:57 am
Girl, stop turning the man down, back it up good and blow him, he will be so happy, maybe even cuddle with you.
2020-12-01 12:11 pm
You are asking why your genetically born male gender husband wants sex? Uhmmm, see boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina. When a boy meets a girl....okay, I'm not gonna go into it that far....lol. I'm just saying, c'mon lady! Lol. He never stopped wanting sex. He always wanted it. I'll explain.
He shows up for track practice regularly(decent husband, you can trust).
He runs the marathon(cuddles with u).
Right when he is coming to the finish line and about to win the race(have sex), the finish line flies away and all the screaming fans are gone(you close your legs).
Eventually, after showing up for practice all the time and having it rain during the marathon(your spoon me with your peen against my bum, but don't dare get aroused and try to penetrate me), he is going to stop running the marathon. And if u keep at it, there's a girl down the way who is more than willing to hold track practice at her house.
Meaning, yes, he got excited that you finally showed you enjoy his penis. And now he wants reassurance that you do and he remembers you once did and he liked it.
You arent the only show in town. Yes, you are committed. Yet, I personally know friends who have looked elsewhere, not because they are the cheating type as that is actually the last thing they wanted to do. Literally. Yet, after a couple years go by, they get their kicks on Route 66 with a gal they know from work or the gym. And they feel justified to do it from the rejection, no guilt.
He shows up for track practice regularly(decent husband, you can trust).
He runs the marathon(cuddles with u).
Right when he is coming to the finish line and about to win the race(have sex), the finish line flies away and all the screaming fans are gone(you close your legs).
Eventually, after showing up for practice all the time and having it rain during the marathon(your spoon me with your peen against my bum, but don't dare get aroused and try to penetrate me), he is going to stop running the marathon. And if u keep at it, there's a girl down the way who is more than willing to hold track practice at her house.
Meaning, yes, he got excited that you finally showed you enjoy his penis. And now he wants reassurance that you do and he remembers you once did and he liked it.
You arent the only show in town. Yes, you are committed. Yet, I personally know friends who have looked elsewhere, not because they are the cheating type as that is actually the last thing they wanted to do. Literally. Yet, after a couple years go by, they get their kicks on Route 66 with a gal they know from work or the gym. And they feel justified to do it from the rejection, no guilt.
2020-12-02 5:44 am
Guys usually do enjoy some sex which isn’t unusual zjqkpb
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2020-12-01 7:05 am
It seems to me as though neither of you are getting what the other wants from the relationship. He wants to ignite some lost spark between between the two of you physically but is somewhat feeling undesired as you hardly ever make any advances but only reciprocate when he does. You want to feel loved and cherished by expecting him to hold you,hug you every now and then as a gesture of care. Yet you re not getting this.
It sounds as though during the course of the marriage the two of you have taken each other for granted and lost sight of the needs & fulfillment of the other. He wants to feel fancied and desired but you hardly show any indication of this by hardly ever making the first move as it were,and also the fact that you want to be cuddled to fill a need yet you hardly ever snuggle up to him fulfill the same need that he harbours. By him always having to initiate sex and turn you on it's all become too much of a demanding chore for him. Yet his constant drive for sex is equally exhausting of you,something which you no longer can satisfy.
You feel as though you ve unleashed a monster by giving in to his urge that one time before,something which he is unaware of or simply does not understand.
What you both need to do is make time to really sit down and have it out about how much friction the current state of things is creating in your relationship,and really get to the root of the problem. It's the only way you re going to move forward.
Hopefully lockdown will afford you ample time to do this without any excuses or distractions.
Good luck!
It sounds as though during the course of the marriage the two of you have taken each other for granted and lost sight of the needs & fulfillment of the other. He wants to feel fancied and desired but you hardly show any indication of this by hardly ever making the first move as it were,and also the fact that you want to be cuddled to fill a need yet you hardly ever snuggle up to him fulfill the same need that he harbours. By him always having to initiate sex and turn you on it's all become too much of a demanding chore for him. Yet his constant drive for sex is equally exhausting of you,something which you no longer can satisfy.
You feel as though you ve unleashed a monster by giving in to his urge that one time before,something which he is unaware of or simply does not understand.
What you both need to do is make time to really sit down and have it out about how much friction the current state of things is creating in your relationship,and really get to the root of the problem. It's the only way you re going to move forward.
Hopefully lockdown will afford you ample time to do this without any excuses or distractions.
Good luck!
2020-12-02 6:13 am
You seem a normal woman to me, it's just what us blokes have to put up with. :)
2020-11-30 11:03 pm
I'd ask him for you next time he posts here but he blocked me for figuring out that you and "he" are yahoo trolls
2020-12-02 7:07 am
yes he wants sex , most women over 50 have sex often , why are you different , seems he finds you sexy again , best to shut up and enjoy the chance ..should be flattered he still wants you .
2020-12-02 1:29 am
If it was my husband, I’d sleep with him. You can do what you want
2020-12-01 12:42 am
Based on your dozens of questions I suspect you're wanting to feel okay about divorcing him.
And so the answer is yes. Divorce him if it will make you happier.
And so the answer is yes. Divorce him if it will make you happier.
2020-12-04 3:53 am
I will never understand why women don't just put out for their husbands. How hard is it to spread your legs for 5 minutes and let him do his thing? He is your husband, for crissake.
2020-12-02 5:34 am
Read and heed Foofa's answer. You have a complicated and unsatisfying sex life. If her answer doesn't lead to resolution and improvement, I strongly advise you to see couples counseling. And if your ever lovin' man won't go, you should go anyway. Good luck, this is worth of disentanglement, but may well need the help of a trained professional.
2020-12-02 12:02 am
Not sure what's transpired in the past to equate to sexual relations 3 times a year. I'm sure both of you played a part in denial and the lack interest, but today is a new day. I recommend you both talk and you let the past go or it will soon become detrimental to your relationship ultimately ending in infidelity and divorce. Talk about your feelings and let him know how you've missed the love making and cuddling. Don't argue but compromise. Then give your man some loving weekly to include fellatio. NEVER deny you man sex. You will literally push him into the arms of another woman who will satisfy his needs. Here are some FACTS... finding a man at age 50 isn't easy, living alone isn't easy and having someone there to do things you can't or really don't want to do. Men and Women have roles in life that can only be completed by each gender. Just ask the millions who have lived through this pandemic alone and wish they had a significant other. They would do almost anything for companionship. Let the hurt, pain and emotions of the past go and move forward! Thank GOD for the blessings you receive daily becomes tomorrows not promised to anyone! Life's too short for the games!
2020-12-01 5:33 am
Hummm. I'm not going to check your posting history but from this post alone, it sounds like you are kicking your marriage to the curb. And he's trying to rescue it. And you've very little interest in participating. My guess is that he's noticed and might be calling your bluff!
2020-12-01 11:11 pm
It's time for him to man up and kick you to the curb. Smart men don't beg for sex, they simply buy it!
2020-12-05 6:02 pm
You’ve gotten good answers- truth is that we don’t know you, him, let alone the dynamic between you two.
The only thing I can tell you is that a guy can have sex with no feelings whatsoever. It isn’t a meal deal for them. He can want sex and only sex, or both, but never assume that because he wants sex, that means he also wants more.
Sex shouldn’t even be part of the equation when you’re thinking whether he likes you or not. And yes, that includes compliments about how you look, late night text, etc.
Someone once told me, “If it’s a maybe; it’s a no.”
When someone likes you, you know. There are exceptions where it’s hard to read someone but most people aren’t the exception.
You notice with their mannerism with you, how they look and treat you. How interested they are in your words and your world. And if all else fails, you definitely notice when someone doesn’t want you.
What is he investing in you? I don’t mean financially, but in terms of time, text messages that aren’t just you dragging the conversation or about sex. In terms of affection, does he show any of the five love languages- be it gifts, time, acts of service, sweet words, and yes, physical touch. The thing with physical touch is, does he want to touch you just as part of getting in your pants, maybe because he’s wants to sleep with you but also finds you attractive, or does he touch you in innocent, nonsexual ways as well. There’s a difference.
So you know.
And if you’re focusing only on the sex aspect, chances are he isn’t giving you many other signs. If he isn’t doing any of the stuff mentioned above, then you can assume he doesn’t like you.
If you like him and really want to know, then it’s simple (but not easy). All you have to do is stop sexting of talking about sex with him. Create a boundary. At first, any guy will keep pushing to talk about sex, that’s normal. Just stand your ground. He may try to court you until he gets you to talk about sex again, so make sure that the way you measure whether he likes you or not is by things that are hard to fake. Everyone can be sweet to you for a short time, but most can’t invest in you and show you genuine affection for prolonged periods of it isn’t there. We humans are good at telling genuine and fake apart, even when we’re in denial; we always know.
Good luck!
The only thing I can tell you is that a guy can have sex with no feelings whatsoever. It isn’t a meal deal for them. He can want sex and only sex, or both, but never assume that because he wants sex, that means he also wants more.
Sex shouldn’t even be part of the equation when you’re thinking whether he likes you or not. And yes, that includes compliments about how you look, late night text, etc.
Someone once told me, “If it’s a maybe; it’s a no.”
When someone likes you, you know. There are exceptions where it’s hard to read someone but most people aren’t the exception.
You notice with their mannerism with you, how they look and treat you. How interested they are in your words and your world. And if all else fails, you definitely notice when someone doesn’t want you.
What is he investing in you? I don’t mean financially, but in terms of time, text messages that aren’t just you dragging the conversation or about sex. In terms of affection, does he show any of the five love languages- be it gifts, time, acts of service, sweet words, and yes, physical touch. The thing with physical touch is, does he want to touch you just as part of getting in your pants, maybe because he’s wants to sleep with you but also finds you attractive, or does he touch you in innocent, nonsexual ways as well. There’s a difference.
So you know.
And if you’re focusing only on the sex aspect, chances are he isn’t giving you many other signs. If he isn’t doing any of the stuff mentioned above, then you can assume he doesn’t like you.
If you like him and really want to know, then it’s simple (but not easy). All you have to do is stop sexting of talking about sex with him. Create a boundary. At first, any guy will keep pushing to talk about sex, that’s normal. Just stand your ground. He may try to court you until he gets you to talk about sex again, so make sure that the way you measure whether he likes you or not is by things that are hard to fake. Everyone can be sweet to you for a short time, but most can’t invest in you and show you genuine affection for prolonged periods of it isn’t there. We humans are good at telling genuine and fake apart, even when we’re in denial; we always know.
Good luck!
2020-12-03 3:37 am
So he is finely living up to his duties as a husband, and you have a problem with that! I 90 Plus I love a good tumple once a week or more when possable. Stop fining fault and start enjoying it!
2020-12-02 10:53 am
Well i don't know your husband but i think he was being really blunt talking about why don't you initiate cuddling since you like it so much so maybe you complaining made him feel the need to address it. But it comes off like he expects you to pursue what you want like he does and that's where you guys are getting off on the wrong foot. You want him to come to you and he wants you to come to him sometimes. You guys just have to learn how to meet in the middle and how you both basically stopped trying and both just want to be chased by each other you need to turn that switch back on and love each other like you're just seeing each other for the first time.
People these days fall out so much and become uninterested and bored so quickly because they stop doing the little things that show they care. They see it as they already have each other so in their eyes they don't have to make much effort anymore if any. Not saying you guys are like that but i think somewhere along the line you both fell into that category without even realizing it. So go talk to your husband and you guys come up with a compromise and don't forget to love an cherish each other. Love him like he's not gonna be here tomorrow and if he can do the same for you then hopefully you guys can get back on track. Hope this helps and good luck.
People these days fall out so much and become uninterested and bored so quickly because they stop doing the little things that show they care. They see it as they already have each other so in their eyes they don't have to make much effort anymore if any. Not saying you guys are like that but i think somewhere along the line you both fell into that category without even realizing it. So go talk to your husband and you guys come up with a compromise and don't forget to love an cherish each other. Love him like he's not gonna be here tomorrow and if he can do the same for you then hopefully you guys can get back on track. Hope this helps and good luck.
2020-12-02 9:09 am
Let's have a threesome with my husband and I. All he does in bed is cuddling and when it's turn for the real sex he fails to please me. I'm so mad. I feel so much rage in me because of that.
2020-12-04 3:24 am
I'm a 58 yr old male and still love sex. I mean, why shouldn't I?
2020-12-02 10:40 pm
I suggest you have another woman move in with you. Your husband can have sex with her when you are not in the mood. Also, she and you can share the household chores. It is a win-win-win.
參考: Ivanka Trump and Bill Clinton.
2020-12-02 3:01 am
Your other post: I'm 49, soon to be 50 in a few days and my husband is 51. We don't have the best of sex life these days due to other reasons but I've asked him to just cuddle with me at night so I can go to sleep in his arms. We've been together for about 18 years, married 18. When he cuddles with me, which isn't often, he tends to think that means I want to have sex. I can feel things "poking" me if you know what I mean and he always tries to make the move. Mont times I say no and that I just want him to cuddle. He says that it's too hot to cuddle all night and he doesn't mind doing it for a little while but after that he's either ready to go further or turn over and go to sleep. Why can't he just cuddle with me without it meaning I want to have sex?
2020-12-01 10:07 am
He will do what he needs to do. Just don’t get mad when you find out he’s getting things taken care of by others. I was in his shoes. Now, I meet with others that are neglected.
2020-12-01 1:44 pm
Frankly , sex does not matter to a loved couple. Considering your age , both of you all the more should not prioritize sex ,but life itself.
2020-12-05 11:21 am
Interesting predicament
Maybe his was in a low-usage mode; sometimes sex drive can be a a loop - in that activity leads to more activity. This could be why earlier, y'all didn't have sex as much... It doesn't explain why he the part of him that desires you sexually wasn't still operating at normal capacity per se...
I tend to always lean towards- be respectful of when you partner does and does not want to have sex... but you might have hinted at what lead y'all to where you're at:
Not only did You Mention you don't initiate sex anymore, but he also brought it up.
Maybe there is a middle ground to be reached here- y'all can have sex -more than what you were beforehand- you [both, presumably] can stop being sexually frustrated and he will be less likely to press the situation if you say you're not in the mood... if you initiate sex, some of the time.
That's how I read the situation. I'd take a lot at what else everyone is saying, since I'm not a profession or anything; good luck.
Maybe his was in a low-usage mode; sometimes sex drive can be a a loop - in that activity leads to more activity. This could be why earlier, y'all didn't have sex as much... It doesn't explain why he the part of him that desires you sexually wasn't still operating at normal capacity per se...
I tend to always lean towards- be respectful of when you partner does and does not want to have sex... but you might have hinted at what lead y'all to where you're at:
Not only did You Mention you don't initiate sex anymore, but he also brought it up.
Maybe there is a middle ground to be reached here- y'all can have sex -more than what you were beforehand- you [both, presumably] can stop being sexually frustrated and he will be less likely to press the situation if you say you're not in the mood... if you initiate sex, some of the time.
That's how I read the situation. I'd take a lot at what else everyone is saying, since I'm not a profession or anything; good luck.
參考: Not a professional, but one of my college degrees Is psychology, for the record.
2020-12-05 9:57 am
Look I will tell you this, men like kinky whoreish women who initiate sex and they like young women too. They also like you to give in when they ask for sex. Never reject them unless you wanna lose them and get cheated on. In some cases they even like women to dominate them. He doesn't want you and he never did. He was probably cheating on you with younger women who satisfied his needs more than you. Women can be terrible in bed too not just men. So try stepping up your game and learning from porn stars like Teanna Trump then maybe he'll f**k you more. Try being more open minded, kinky and watch porn to learn something new because you sound boring in bed and you don't know what you're doing in bed. You seem too vanilla, uptight and you're 50 and usually men don't want women past 50 unless they look young. Also men in their 50's usually don't want women the same age as them. You're probably going through menopause too and you're dry as hell lol. You may as well hang it up with your old uptight vanilla dry a*s and leave him or he'll keep cheating. Believe me he is because it sounds like you're a terrible starfish in bed. He's wasting his time with you. Hope he finds someone better
2020-12-05 9:56 am
He needs to respect your boundaries and not pressure you into having sex. If he's allowed to reject you for an entire year, then you're allowed to reject him once or twice.
2020-12-03 2:11 pm
Wow girl, do you even know what you want, or not? You say you didn't like the dry spell as far as sex goes, but now its raining you wan it to stop?
Seems by denying him when he does want it means he isn't going to be the one to keep asking. Maybe that's why it got down to a couple of times a year?
Girl, if YOU want something its OK to ask. In fact its a good way of getting what you are after. If that means asking for a cuddle, ask - or just initiate. If it means initiating sex because you want it, then go for it. Its not just up to him to make the effort in the relationship.
Yes occasionally you might face a little rejection - just like he has from you. But not asking leaves you fuming about it not happening? Then not asking or initiating is cutting your nose off to spite your face - self defeating.
By the way once in two weeks is hardly "all the time" when it comes to sex. And that's from another 50 + woman.
Seems by denying him when he does want it means he isn't going to be the one to keep asking. Maybe that's why it got down to a couple of times a year?
Girl, if YOU want something its OK to ask. In fact its a good way of getting what you are after. If that means asking for a cuddle, ask - or just initiate. If it means initiating sex because you want it, then go for it. Its not just up to him to make the effort in the relationship.
Yes occasionally you might face a little rejection - just like he has from you. But not asking leaves you fuming about it not happening? Then not asking or initiating is cutting your nose off to spite your face - self defeating.
By the way once in two weeks is hardly "all the time" when it comes to sex. And that's from another 50 + woman.
2020-12-03 1:48 pm
He loves you, but you have to know when to have sex and when to not.
2020-12-03 8:29 am
Please do not overthink initiating sex. Men are simple and understand when you are ready.
When was the last time you did it?
See, now it will be a shock for him, no need to do anything super drastic.
Prepare his favorite meal and have it ready before he returns home as usual.
Undress and meet him by the door naked or almost naked as in the movie Color of the Night.
Look at him as if nothing really happened and ask as normally as you can:
"Would you like sex?
On the table.
Now or let's let it cool off a little bit?.."
https://youtu.be/Nh2K7QWuZsI
When was the last time you did it?
See, now it will be a shock for him, no need to do anything super drastic.
Prepare his favorite meal and have it ready before he returns home as usual.
Undress and meet him by the door naked or almost naked as in the movie Color of the Night.
Look at him as if nothing really happened and ask as normally as you can:
"Would you like sex?
On the table.
Now or let's let it cool off a little bit?.."
https://youtu.be/Nh2K7QWuZsI
2020-12-03 6:27 am
Tell him how you feel and why. I always recommend that non-sexual couples see a therapist for help with this, especially when one or both are feeling sexually frustrated. You've got nothing to lose by trying it and lots to gain if it makes a difference in your lives.
2020-12-03 1:39 am
It seems like you two like playing mind games. You are in your 50's, not your 90's. Just f uck already. Geez.
2020-12-02 10:54 pm
Being sexually frustrated in my marriage, I can tell you that perhaps he's getting it while he feels like he can? I'd say be happy that he's not avoiding you. My wife and I have been abstinent for over half the year, and even then it was just a couple of times with a long dry spell before that. She has back problems though. I know if we were to start having sex again, I'd suck up as much as I could while I could. I'm in my early 40s and I already feel like time is running out for this kind of thing. I'm pretty much in your shoes on the "initiation" thing though. Sex doesn't happen for us unless she initiates it. Anytime I try, I'm made to feel like I'm a "creep" or something.
2020-12-02 10:26 am
WOW.I am trying to figure this out so that I might be able to offer a different perspective. Okay, so you've ONLY been married 10 years? Were both of you married before or what? How did you guys meet? Were you both married, met, then left your spouses to marry each other? These things matter. WHY all of a sudden is he wanting sex when in the past you said you've only had sex 3 times a year and he's the one that has not been wanting to touch you? To me it sounds like he is toying with you. I need details in order to give some advice. please elaborate more. Is he on Viagra or something? Seriously sounds like LOVE is missing in this equation.
2020-11-30 11:02 pm
You played games with him, now pay for it.
2020-12-02 11:19 am
Foh no one wants to hear about your crusty ******* pussy
收錄日期: 2021-04-24 08:35:51
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