Is it right for a parent to limit a child’s work schedule out of control?
2020-10-10 3:05 am
I’m 16, senior in high school, and currently working three jobs. My goal is to save for a used car and pay for it in cash. My mom has been going through a stressful time as her fiancé is long distance, my older sister is in college, and my great grandmother who was living with us is currently in the hospital. My mom has told me that I need to limit my work schedule with her friend that I babysit for, but I told her I wouldn’t like to do that as I’m putting my two week notice in for one job tomorrow. Her main complaint is I don’t help her around the house, specially with remodeling. I told her it’s because she asks me to do things after I get home from work, which I can assume it’s frustrating for anyone having the mindset of relaxing then be asked to do another task. Anyway, my main complaint is she’s trying to limit my work schedule due to her wanting to be in control. There are so many things in her life that are not in her control, but this is the one thing that she can in fact take control of. I can admit that I’m not home a majority of the time as I previously said I work three jobs while going to school and maintaining straight A’s. Part of the reason I work so much is so I can get out of the house. My mom and I don’t get along very well so I think it’s best if the both of us aren’t around 24/7. Anyway, I’d like another person’s opinion on how I should talk to her about this. Im a very sensitive person so it’s hard to always get my point across without getting upset.
回答 (7)
2020-10-10 4:00 am
I don't think it's about some complex psychological compulsion at all. I think it's about your mom thinking you should be contributing more to the household. You say yourself that you stay away from home as much as possible. That's shirking. I suggest that you set aside one day a week to be available to your mom. If she doesn't keep you busy all day, you can use the time to get ahead on your school work. If you can't contribute time then you should be contributing money. You're too old for that "What belongs to me is mine and what belongs to mama is ours" stuff.
2020-10-10 7:51 am
Your decision is going to be all about how you see your relationship with your mother going forward.
At the moment, your feelings around your mother seem pretty cold and that you look forward to being independent from her. So you can continue to focus on this goal by maintaining your A grades, building your resume, getting your car and planning your career.
You may find that it will not be easy to separate from your mother even when you achieve independent adulthood and a sense of personal achievement. You feel controlled because of the emotional attachment between you, and this will exist long term. You cannot make your mother happy, this is only within her own control- you can listen and try to understand, but you cannot he responsible for her life.
I wish you all the best in your future happiness and fulfilment.
At the moment, your feelings around your mother seem pretty cold and that you look forward to being independent from her. So you can continue to focus on this goal by maintaining your A grades, building your resume, getting your car and planning your career.
You may find that it will not be easy to separate from your mother even when you achieve independent adulthood and a sense of personal achievement. You feel controlled because of the emotional attachment between you, and this will exist long term. You cannot make your mother happy, this is only within her own control- you can listen and try to understand, but you cannot he responsible for her life.
I wish you all the best in your future happiness and fulfilment.
2020-10-10 3:42 am
You are CLEARLY a sensible and mature young adult.
At first I thought "3 jobs is just too much for any 16 year old so perhaps the mother is correct"
BUT now I have read it all, You could be correct, it IS about control.
A fact that probably wont be well received, do you HAVE to tell her the reason you work so much is to get away from her? Cant you just explain you really want a car so as long as you keep your A grades you are working as much as you can to make that happen? That soon you will be at college and need to work and maintain grades there too so you are getting some experience of that now in prep?
I wish you well, you sound hard working and very determined, you WILL achieve your goals, good luck!
At first I thought "3 jobs is just too much for any 16 year old so perhaps the mother is correct"
BUT now I have read it all, You could be correct, it IS about control.
A fact that probably wont be well received, do you HAVE to tell her the reason you work so much is to get away from her? Cant you just explain you really want a car so as long as you keep your A grades you are working as much as you can to make that happen? That soon you will be at college and need to work and maintain grades there too so you are getting some experience of that now in prep?
I wish you well, you sound hard working and very determined, you WILL achieve your goals, good luck!
2020-10-10 3:37 am
Yes she should, no teenager should be working 3 jobs and depending on how many actual hours they are working could be illegal.
In most states minors working over 20 hours is a child labor law violation. If you have a legit job which isn't under the table, in most states you're required to have a work permit which your school or school district has to sign off on as well as your employer(s) and your parents. Most limit hours to 18 hours a week or so.
I have 2 young adult kids (21 & 20) and both of them also worked as teenagers but not excessively and they were still able to save money for the things they wanted.
In most states minors working over 20 hours is a child labor law violation. If you have a legit job which isn't under the table, in most states you're required to have a work permit which your school or school district has to sign off on as well as your employer(s) and your parents. Most limit hours to 18 hours a week or so.
I have 2 young adult kids (21 & 20) and both of them also worked as teenagers but not excessively and they were still able to save money for the things they wanted.
2020-10-11 4:39 am
If that were really the reason some family counseling might be in order. But this just sounds like an overburdened parent needing some help from a teenager whom she's feeding, clothing and giving room and board to. You're being obnoxious. Just stop it.
2020-10-10 10:42 am
maybe you should try getting emancipated so you can do what you want
2020-10-10 5:18 am
Your mom is going to ruin your life and you will be with grey hair before you move out. Say no to remodeling. Get a full time job and move out sooner the better.
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