請幫忙看看英文文法有沒有錯!!?

１．cover letter所應該寫的要點是：指出求職者正面的特點適應職缺的需求與對公司的聊解．雖然可以引用求職者謙虛向上的態度，虛無的詞語卻是人云亦云，毫無建樹可言．只有反效果．

２．５年之後，你看出ＸＸ事業沒有前途？到不如說你被ＹＹ事業的充滿希望與機會（一定要列出）所吸引．要是你不舉例列出一些機會，就會  過於虛幻．

３．少用"I tried ..."而該用"I have done..."

４．所以，我幫你改寫第一段如下：
My below enclosed resume will show you that I have had diversified experiences in XX and YY areas, including five years of ZZZ responsibilities. Along these years, I also had the pleasure exploring AAA and found its tremendous potentials that Wall Street Journals claimed to have USD3B per year at 2025 in USA alone.  Therefore, I have determined to take on the change in switching to this career.  Nonetheless, I don't make the jump without preparation.

In the past two years, I enrolled in five accounting classes and have obtained BBB certifications.  Also, I expect to finish CCC by the end of this year to complete my short term plan.

第一段 肯定效果不好 

你覺得 你現在的職業 沒有前途 ，而想換個跑道，就去念 會計課程（而且不是 正規大學會計系學歷，而是 一種 上完發給結業證書的課程） ，而覺得 會計課程所學的好像在現實社會很有用，而來應徵貴公司了

Dear Sir,
-----As I have been graduated from National Taiwan University with a chartered accountant degree on certified public accountant, I (xxx) have further my studies in accountancy professionally in English Tsai's "Professional accountancy school,TW."     and I am seeking for a post as an accountant in your company accordingly "adv(in a suitable manner)".
-----As you'll see from my enclosed resume that after serving with the industrial XX for 5 solid years previously, I cannot adapt myself to observe any propect there.Therefore I am determined to change career intending to make a job accountancy ,by all accounts, according to what interests me most.
-----You will be interested to note that I am at present receiving private tuition in French,Japanese,Korean and English.
------I enclose a testimonial from my head-mistress, Miss English Tsai (蔡英文) , to whom further reference can be made.
------As a conscientious,hardworking, with great effort in accountancy person, I would appreciate if you could consider my application and grant me an interview.
------Looking forward to hearing from you.

--------------------------Yours respectfully,
-------------------------------(your name)
------------------------------------(-------).
------------------Error and correction:---------------------
As you see from my enclosed curriculum vitae resume, that after serving with industrial XX for 5 solid years previously, I cannot observe any propect there.
For this reason, I tried to enrol lin "interested accountancy" and obtained the diploma to enable me to find a role in your Co. that will enable me to acquire and develop the skills required for an accountancy career.............................................
Correction on Para one:-
----As you will see from my resume(enclosed), I have worked as a XX for 5 years, but I cannot see any solid  growth prospects of this industry from my on-going observation.(Accordingly), I am determined to change career, in the hope that I can (have) more job (varieties) while still young.
-----For this reason, I tried to enroll in some courses and found that I am interested in accounting, (on any account决不不習学) , so (much so) that I have pursued further (studies) (on it) and obtained the XXX.
"Give me 20 marks for my birthday and a breakdown of my computer !"

As you will see from my resume (enclosed), I have worked as a Mechanic for 5 years, but I cannot see any solid growth prospects of this industry from my on-going observation. Therefore, I have determined to change career, in the hope that I can have other choices in different fields while still young.
For this reason, I tried to enroll in some courses and found that I am interested in accounting, so I have pursued further education and obtained the certificate of accountant.

假如第一句的重點是你所學跟這個position是good match. 我會這樣寫
I have been interested in accounting so that I have pursued further education and obtained XXX Certificate. My skill set that I have learned is a good match for this position and allows me to contribute to the success of your team.

第二句看起來很好. 最後一句可以用現在式. I look forward to your reply.

首先說說一些(用詞)"錯處"：
1. 
so that 是用錯詞語的意思，因為so that的前後是前因和直接後果的關係，例如：I take the "XXX" exam so that I can become a qualified lawyer/accountant. 意思是你要成為合資格的專業律師/會計師你便要"考這種試"(並且含意是要"合格"，但寫句時不用寫出來，因為正常人都會明白"考合格"so that"成為合資格")

但你的句意是你"對accounting有興趣"之後的"讀多些相關課程"甚至去"考專業試"或"證書"並不是so that。最多只是由於你對X有興趣，so(因此/於是)你接下來會去學。

2.
can be applies 要改正 can be applied被動動詞是要寫成past participle過去分詞。

3. 
I am ... who works hard and pays 要改正 who work hard and pay ...
"你"是第一身，動詞不用加"s"，這些似乎是基本文法/學習缺陷。

接下來看看用詞理解：

Accordingly,看不出意思來，唯有用"中文"來理解，可能你的想法是"有見及此"/"於是"...
但accordingly用於一句開裏已經少見，這字本要具體地指明前文或後文所according依據的是甚麼，不是廣泛的副詞，若你按文法這accordingly所指的動詞是甚麼？tried to enroll的tried"嘗試了"就是你按照你說的前文的理由「看不到某行業的前景」而這"嘗試"的動作，意義上很難解通。建議你省掉這個Accordingly的句還算可以。其實我是想說/寫"For this reason,"(前文的觀察所得的原由)，你作出下文/句的行動。

寫法有點"錯"，但整體規格編排還可以，所以不作代寫了。