更新1:
MIL=Mother in Law
Is it rude to tell people what you want as a Christmas gift from them if they have not asked you?
2019-10-29 1:37 am
My MIL has a habit of telling you what to get her for Christmas, birthdays, etc. even when I have not asked. I was brought up never to ask for a gift because giving is done from heart and it is rude to tell people what you expect them to buy you. I really don't like when she does this, plus she always asks for items that are quite expensive...150.00+. Should I buy her what she wants? Thanks
回答 (15)
2019-10-31 5:20 am
Refer her right back to her child, that one you're married to. This is his/her mother and they can figure it out.
2019-10-30 11:44 am
Yes, it's rude and obnoxious. Obviously, your MIL wasn't brought up to have good manners. It's really your spouse's place to tell her this, but if he won't, then you do: "____ (MIL's name), we have a budget for all gifts we buy during the year. That includes birthdays and holidays. Therefore, we will have (insert amount here) to spend on a gift for you. Find something in that price range and we'll buy it for you. Of course, if we do that, then there won't be any surprise. If you don't find anything you like, then we'll get you a gift card for that amount, and you can buy something for yourself at any time". Don't let her argue with you. If she starts or tries to belittle you, just walk away. Be prepared for her to get nasty over this, but it's the only way to stop it. Otherwise, you'll keep on suffering through it every year. You can be in control if you choose to.
2019-10-29 2:24 am
There are times it's not rude. I'm an adult, and my sisters and I have always told each other what we want. However, what your MIL is doing is very rude, for the reasons you mentioned.
With stuff like this, it's usually best to ask your husband to handle his mom. Sure, you could just ignore it and buy what you want, but that's the passive approach and it can be mentally grueling as you spend weeks wondering what she'll say or do when she opens it. Both of you would agree on what to tell her, and then he's the one who tells her. Also, if he needs a reminder that he should express this in terms of "we", and not "she", give him that reminder.
But do NOT give her what she wants in that greedy price range. That just encourages her to stay greedy and entitled, and pretty soon it will amp up to $200.
With stuff like this, it's usually best to ask your husband to handle his mom. Sure, you could just ignore it and buy what you want, but that's the passive approach and it can be mentally grueling as you spend weeks wondering what she'll say or do when she opens it. Both of you would agree on what to tell her, and then he's the one who tells her. Also, if he needs a reminder that he should express this in terms of "we", and not "she", give him that reminder.
But do NOT give her what she wants in that greedy price range. That just encourages her to stay greedy and entitled, and pretty soon it will amp up to $200.
2019-10-29 2:15 am
Let your spouse handle it. We have a Christmas gift budget. And we stick to that. You should know what amount you can spend on each person.
2019-10-29 3:04 am
Not necessarily. If you have a history of exchanging gifts with someone, offering such information isn't rude at all and instead an effort to be helpful, thus should be appreciated. If you don't have a history exchanging gifts, it is rude. If you are the giver you have the option to take her advice or not, but not the option to demand she not try to help.
2019-10-29 3:13 am
Yes, it's rude. You buy her what you think is best. If it's what she wants and you can comfortably afford it great but if not don't beat yourself up over it. She's rude and wrong.
2019-10-29 1:48 am
Okay yes, it is rude. However, I urge you to do what I took too many years to learn to do: accept your MIL without judging her, and even love her if you can. Mistrust your own motives. People are more competitive than they like to admit to themselves. Find out how your husband would like you to handle this. If the two of you really can't afford what she wants, then don't buy it, but still try not to be judgemental. She gave life to your man, and I assume he loves her and would feel stressed if you hurt his mother's feelings.
2019-10-31 7:36 pm
Yes, it is a bit. But someone else has suggested that you tell her (nicely) to talk to her son/daughter that you're married to, and I think that's a good way to go about it.
2019-10-31 4:37 am
It is much more common for older people to do this than younger people. The reason being that older people have acquired most things they need so don't want lots of duplicates. It makes sense to ask the giver if they would mind getting a certain item you'd like rather than something of which you have many already or would not like but that depends on what type of people to which you are referring. If you think they would be offended don't do it. It's not worth falling out about such things.
2019-10-30 10:16 pm
Yeah, it's a bit rude. You don't have to get her that stuff. Her 'wish' list tells you what she wants, though. Since it's still early -- perhaps everyone can make up a wish list (say- 3 things) keep the price/limit reasonable ($50 for example). Then, do a gift exchange- so you're not buying for everyone and you're not buying stuff people don't want or use. We do this at a family exchange at my brother's at Christmas. Everyone seems to like it. We have fun doing it, too. You know you're going to get something you want and will use and it won't break the bank. If she won't go for it, you can tell her (or your spouse can do it) that you are budgeting your gifts this year. She will get something nice and appropriate, but perhaps not the items on her wish list. (Maybe she will adjust the list ??) One can hope.
2019-10-29 4:54 am
Yes. It is rude to "tell" anyone what you want as a gift if the person you tell hasn't asked you. That noted, some people assume you are going to give them a gift and they don't want stuff they don't want. That doesn't make them less rude.
You are under NO obligation to give anyone, including your mother-in-law any gift or the gift they've told you they want. This is something to discuss with your husband.
You are under NO obligation to give anyone, including your mother-in-law any gift or the gift they've told you they want. This is something to discuss with your husband.
2019-10-29 2:01 am
She can ask. Clearly, she wasn't taught what you were. None of what she does has to figure into what you do in that regard. She can ask all she wants, you still aren't obligated to buy. If she wants something more than you can afford, then she doesn't get it, right? You know this quirk about her, she isn't going to change. I think this is one of those times you just have to roll your eyes and move on.
2019-10-29 1:39 am
What's a MIL?............
2019-10-29 4:50 am
It is rude to tell people what they should get you--unless they have specifically asked for advice...and definitely rude to mention items that are very expensive. Buy her what you'd like to buy her--gifts are really not the reason for the season!!
2019-10-29 2:51 am
maybe you shouldnt buy her what she wants and then she wont keep asking you every yr
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