急 請問 一次有意義的參訪活動的演說稿怎麼開頭比較好 我是想要寫去護理系參訪 但是想要以一個吸引人的開頭去吸引評審 但是我真的想不出來 老師說我寫的稿不好 內容太空乏了?

Headmaster,teachers, and fellow students;
----In reply to the school orders received last week, I am happy to report you that our representatives and I had called at the Health Care for the elderly at Cheung-Sha-Wan,as requested, by the school health care workers.
-----We saw the condition of their bodies to be in fair health in the Center.
-----They are nursed back to health soon.
-----They are clearly enjoying life.
-----But the costs of health care for the needy elderly are subsidized only a small grant by the Department of Health of our country.
-----Will the school authority kindly inform the Health Minister what further subsidy would be given for the needy elderly of this Health Care Center, especially on medical care grant ?
----Let the authority computing to go to a website on the Internet to make our official visit a success.Thanks for your time and attention.

各位嘉賓, 老師及同學 現在本人非常榮幸,被邀請為班代表發表有關;曾經參觀過護理院的訪問,作為今天演比賽的題目敬請各位評審委員秉公處理為要.................... Yip