自學英文,麻煩幫我糾正一下哪不對,謝謝?

I got up at AM 6:30, my breakfast (had) egg and bread (,which) prepared by my (mom). ,
使用”非限定關係代名詞，即”逗號+關係代名詞，非限定關代可代表前面egg and bread, 限定關代即前無逗號直接接於前字的關代，此關代只能代表bread 1字，而如不使用關代，是省略關代而來，也可以意會，但加上關代，在文字上，會感覺較完整，且更容易了解文意。
I went to work by car (, and) ate my breakfast at the company (刪去後句之I , 勿一直重複某字)
My work (are) IQC and OQC of (the) products, I normally get off work at PM 7:30 but I worked overtime until PM 9:30 today, when I ( was going) home, it started to rain (suddenly),
回家 go home, 因句後有”開始下雨”的敘述，句前的”回家”應修正為進行式，即”正在回家時”。
I was all wet when got home, I felt cold (and wet 贅字，前句已表達，兩字刪除) , (so) I took (a) shower immediately.
***********************************************************
I got up at AM 6:30, my breakfast had egg and bread, which prepared by my mom. ,
I went to work by car, and ate my breakfast at the company.

My work are IQC and OQC of the products, I normally get off work at PM 7:30 but I worked overtime until PM 9:30 today, when I was going home, it started to rain suddenly, I was all wet when got home, I felt cold , so I took a shower immediately.

it is mum,not mon

I got up at AM 6:30
-> I got up at 6:30 this morning.

My breakfast has egg and bread prepared by my mon. ,
-> My Mom prepared egg and bread for me for breakfast.

I went to work by car
-> I drove to work this morning.

I ate my breakfast at the company
-> I had my breakfast at work. (you must had your fill with two meals.)

My work is IQC and OQC of products
-> My responsibility is IQC and OQC of certain consumer products.

I normally get off work at PM 7:30 but I worked overtime until PM 9:30 today
-> good. But the period at the end of sentence is missing.

When I went to home, suddenly it started to rain
-> On my way home, it started raining suddenly.

I was all wet when got home
-> good. Same missing period.

I felt cold and wet
-> I was wet and felt really cold.

I took shower immediately
-> I took a shower immediately.