Lazy daughter in law, what do I do?

Why don't you change the plans? It's your house, so you have the right to not have anything there. Instead, have a Boxing Day family meal and present-opening at a restaurant. Then, after a period of visiting, tell your son you've enjoyed getting to see his family, leave and go home. You're not going to change this woman, especially if she's been this way for 14 years. It sounds like there's a problem of long-standing, possibly from her childhood. At any rate, she was never taught to do things for herself or take responsibility. If your son tolerates it, it's his problem and not yours. Don't make it your problem. Just set up circumstances so she will be the least annoying to you. Don't let her litter up your house. Why don't the children open their own presents if they're old enough? The fact that she "sits around watching children's programs" tells me there may be an underlying emotional problem that's never been brought up. It's hers and you son's business.

nothing, it's her husband's problem if anything, not yours

You do nothing. It is not your issue to do anything about.

Add - does your son help? Does the daughter in law get all the blame and your son gets a pass? I ask because this is often the case.

If you do not wish this to go on as it is then you make changes. Do not put this all on her. YOU change how things are done. Ask everyone to bring dishes and ask for those who did not cook to be on the clean up crew. You can get everyone to help, this means the men as well.

That's what I did this year for Thanksgiving. My kids are all adults now so I asked them all to bring dishes, even my husband made one. They all really got into it which was nice.

Where is it your problem? Most lazy people never get over being lazy.

Talk to your son...he's the one who picked her.

You can't change people. Either live with it and don't. Coming between your son and his wife could be a can of worms you should not get into. At the end of the day, the only ones that will really suffer from you speaking up will be the children.

It will go on for as long as you put up with it. Talk to your son- tell him what bothers you. After 14 years it may be too late for anything to change.

You need to speak to your son and tell him she upsets you and why. If he does nothing this year then simply tell them they are not welcome next year.

I know that is probably not what you want to do but maybe it will give your son a kick up the **** to do something with his ignorant wife.

not nnuch you can do, just dont do stuff for her that she can do herself

Pray that God will change her. Philippians 4:6,7

P.S. Stop waiting on her. Leave the rubbish on the floor. What about taking the kids out somewhere after Christmas? When they're older you can invite just the kids to go on a vacation with you.

Another P.S. You're not unreasonable but you shouldn't let it bother you. Just think of it as the price you pay for getting to see the grandkids.