Dear Admission Officer,
Re: Application for the
I have been a personal care worker for more than a year in a mentally handicapped center. I am working as a health worker. My clientele is moderate to severely mentally handicapped. In the past year and a half with them, I have been involved in training work in addition to being a caregiver and health care provider. Assist in the production of training schedules and lead training. From the process of caring for the students daily diet, I learned to take care of the whole person from the closeness; most of the students were not good at words, I learned to look at the way of care from the side; in the process of training and learning, I also trained me to lead more patiently. I hope that I can apply these same lessons to the care of children, as well as patience and, more importantly, responsibility.
Although there are not many opportunities to contact young children all the way, they are children born by relatives or friends. I would like to help them. I will be happy to help you from baby to toddler to elementary school. I like to get along with them, and they bring me joyful time every minute.
有冇人即時可以幫我執執封求學信!，，，?
2018-07-18 11:27 pm
回答 (3)
2018-07-20 8:35 pm
To Admission Officer,
Re:-Application for the Nursery education teacher (2-5 aged) DSE , HK graduate.2018.
-----I, (your name), have been a health care worker for more than a year in a mentally handicapped center, and all patients (not clientelle/clients) are moderate to severe mentally handicapped.
----Besides being a health care worker, I (assist the cooperation by doing all the difficult things);(in making) training schedules; (working) on training programs; on daily diet; on taking care of their body and mind ,because they can't communicate (when I disapproval of the way patients are behaving,) They should be seen and not heard ,and I should train myself to lead them more patiently (by the side).They demand for my (accountability.)
----Someone who is very strongly influenced by the ideas and attitudes of a particular stranger.Although this is difficult to follow-up (to contact) them in depth ,because they are living with their friends and relatives without their parents since born. I'll be happy to help(the patients) from (babies,toddlers,adolescents, to teenagers.)
-----(Getting along with them brings me joy). I do have the knowledge, experience, skill for child-care. I have been trained as a (health care worker) in child-care to look after children-patient ,caring for them while the parents are at work or gone.
Re:-Application for the Nursery education teacher (2-5 aged) DSE , HK graduate.2018.
-----I, (your name), have been a health care worker for more than a year in a mentally handicapped center, and all patients (not clientelle/clients) are moderate to severe mentally handicapped.
----Besides being a health care worker, I (assist the cooperation by doing all the difficult things);(in making) training schedules; (working) on training programs; on daily diet; on taking care of their body and mind ,because they can't communicate (when I disapproval of the way patients are behaving,) They should be seen and not heard ,and I should train myself to lead them more patiently (by the side).They demand for my (accountability.)
----Someone who is very strongly influenced by the ideas and attitudes of a particular stranger.Although this is difficult to follow-up (to contact) them in depth ,because they are living with their friends and relatives without their parents since born. I'll be happy to help(the patients) from (babies,toddlers,adolescents, to teenagers.)
-----(Getting along with them brings me joy). I do have the knowledge, experience, skill for child-care. I have been trained as a (health care worker) in child-care to look after children-patient ,caring for them while the parents are at work or gone.
2018-07-19 12:19 pm
讀完你的信(資料)很想幫你，但先讓你看看你寫的一些內容(用詞)上其實在英文語法/詞彙是甚麼意思，然後試試修改，最重要是雖然你很努力表達，但要留心大部份內容由於你的表達方法都令人對你產生另一種看法。
先指出一些錯字/用錯詞/用詞不當：
personal care worker = 個人護理員/個人照顧工作員...假如這是你的職位名稱，可以大寫Personal Care Worker，這是任何職位都會這樣寫的。
尤其是你在下一個出現了另個"名稱"health worker"，我估這不是指職位而是指"行業"或"工作類別"，而這詞亦應該寫錯，應該是health care worker。
假如我是Admission Office這兩句已扣了一半分，因為你連自己的工作類別或工作職位名稱都表達不準確，代表你的做事習慣和認真度都是「馬馬虎虎」。
然後
production of training schedules當中的"production" of...
process of caring for the students daily diet當中的process of ..."daily diet"
take care of the whole person from the closeness當中"the whole person"和"closeness"
the students were not good at words當中not good at words
to look at the way of care from the side當中"from the side"
這些都似乎是"中文"意思的錯英文。
我懂中文從前後意思還可以估猜你是想說甚麼(英文人只會看見一堆怪詞)：=> 改寫建議
"製作編排培訓時間表' => (連上句In the past 1.5 year...可結合改成) Besides being a caregiver (或health care provider只需一個), I assisted in making training schedules and I lead some trainings. [assist和lead是兩種不同工作的動詞，最好不要"連著"說]
"處理學生的每日餐單" => I took care of the daily meals in the center. [前段你用了Clientele這個好fancy的用詞=視中心的病為"客戶/顧客/受委託的主人"(可能你是用錯了字=應該是client=病人；但又說他們是student=學生，有點混亂。]
"貼身照顧全人"(中文也怪怪的，難度有些照顧的不是"全人"只顧他的一隻手或由於工作對象是智商或精神病人只顧他的頭顱?因此這是你的獨特功能) 按你的句意是連上句提供食物的話 => I tried to take care of their body and mind.
"不善於說話"/"語言不清", 所以"我學會從旁觀察他們何時有需要幫忙" => Most of them are not good ("in words") in verbal communication, so I have to watch them carefully to learn how or when they may need assistance.
之後愈寫多錯多：
I also trained me to lead more patiently. [直譯：我還訓練了我去更有耐性地作領導/帶領]
假如真是這意思便只錯了一個字 I also trained myself to lead more patiently.
就看這句我以為你是中心的主管要帶領一班下屬團隊做你所寫要做的工作。
Although there are not many opportunities to contact young children all the way, they are children born by relatives or friends.
[直譯：雖然沒太多機會接觸年輕兒童(之後不明你all the way的意思-"深入"?)，他們是由親戚或朋友生下來的兒童 (這句不知所謂，想像你是想說「這些兒童"有娘生沒娘養"要寄養在親戚或朋友處」?)。]
小心contact young children在英語裏可以指=戀童或觸摸小朋友或性侵...
=> Although it is difficult to understand these children completely (in depth) because most of them are living with friends and relatives without their parents.
I will be happy to help you from baby...
"you"是這收信的Admission Officer收生主任，你想由他生下來照顧"他"至小學..
應該不會說服他收你入讀吧。
bring me joyful time (every minute 多餘的中文慣寫意思不用了).
結束句說「讓你快樂」跟讓你讀這科(估計是"兒童護理系"?)有何關係？全文都沒有說你對這系的認知和目標。給人印象是你想從照顧兒童的過程找尋自己的樂趣和證明自己成長。
衷心直說，多有得罪。
先指出一些錯字/用錯詞/用詞不當：
personal care worker = 個人護理員/個人照顧工作員...假如這是你的職位名稱，可以大寫Personal Care Worker，這是任何職位都會這樣寫的。
尤其是你在下一個出現了另個"名稱"health worker"，我估這不是指職位而是指"行業"或"工作類別"，而這詞亦應該寫錯，應該是health care worker。
假如我是Admission Office這兩句已扣了一半分，因為你連自己的工作類別或工作職位名稱都表達不準確，代表你的做事習慣和認真度都是「馬馬虎虎」。
然後
production of training schedules當中的"production" of...
process of caring for the students daily diet當中的process of ..."daily diet"
take care of the whole person from the closeness當中"the whole person"和"closeness"
the students were not good at words當中not good at words
to look at the way of care from the side當中"from the side"
這些都似乎是"中文"意思的錯英文。
我懂中文從前後意思還可以估猜你是想說甚麼(英文人只會看見一堆怪詞)：=> 改寫建議
"製作編排培訓時間表' => (連上句In the past 1.5 year...可結合改成) Besides being a caregiver (或health care provider只需一個), I assisted in making training schedules and I lead some trainings. [assist和lead是兩種不同工作的動詞，最好不要"連著"說]
"處理學生的每日餐單" => I took care of the daily meals in the center. [前段你用了Clientele這個好fancy的用詞=視中心的病為"客戶/顧客/受委託的主人"(可能你是用錯了字=應該是client=病人；但又說他們是student=學生，有點混亂。]
"貼身照顧全人"(中文也怪怪的，難度有些照顧的不是"全人"只顧他的一隻手或由於工作對象是智商或精神病人只顧他的頭顱?因此這是你的獨特功能) 按你的句意是連上句提供食物的話 => I tried to take care of their body and mind.
"不善於說話"/"語言不清", 所以"我學會從旁觀察他們何時有需要幫忙" => Most of them are not good ("in words") in verbal communication, so I have to watch them carefully to learn how or when they may need assistance.
之後愈寫多錯多：
I also trained me to lead more patiently. [直譯：我還訓練了我去更有耐性地作領導/帶領]
假如真是這意思便只錯了一個字 I also trained myself to lead more patiently.
就看這句我以為你是中心的主管要帶領一班下屬團隊做你所寫要做的工作。
Although there are not many opportunities to contact young children all the way, they are children born by relatives or friends.
[直譯：雖然沒太多機會接觸年輕兒童(之後不明你all the way的意思-"深入"?)，他們是由親戚或朋友生下來的兒童 (這句不知所謂，想像你是想說「這些兒童"有娘生沒娘養"要寄養在親戚或朋友處」?)。]
小心contact young children在英語裏可以指=戀童或觸摸小朋友或性侵...
=> Although it is difficult to understand these children completely (in depth) because most of them are living with friends and relatives without their parents.
I will be happy to help you from baby...
"you"是這收信的Admission Officer收生主任，你想由他生下來照顧"他"至小學..
應該不會說服他收你入讀吧。
bring me joyful time (every minute 多餘的中文慣寫意思不用了).
結束句說「讓你快樂」跟讓你讀這科(估計是"兒童護理系"?)有何關係？全文都沒有說你對這系的認知和目標。給人印象是你想從照顧兒童的過程找尋自己的樂趣和證明自己成長。
衷心直說，多有得罪。
2018-07-19 11:31 pm
I have been a personal care worker for more than a year in a mentally handicapped center.and all my patients have moderate to severely mentally handicapped. During the past, I have been handling training works besides being a caregiver and health care provider and also,to layout training program. Having taken care of the patients' daily diet, I know how to take care of them though they are not good at expression; and then that'll need more patient to deal with. I do hope that I'm suitable for looking after children because of my patience and more importantly accountable.
Although there are not many chances to be with children all the way,and yet I would like to nurture them from baby to toddler to elementary school; for I like to get along with them and that bring me joyful time every minute. Yip
Although there are not many chances to be with children all the way,and yet I would like to nurture them from baby to toddler to elementary school; for I like to get along with them and that bring me joyful time every minute. Yip
收錄日期: 2021-04-11 21:49:11
原文連結 [永久失效]:
https://hk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20180718152753AAE4hWg