If I rub Preparation H on my bald spot, will it look like I have more hair?

No, but your head's blood vessels will not swell.

The only recognized chemical for regrowing hair (where follicles still exist) is ROGAINE® and its derivatives (aka: minoxidil)

NO, preparation H is for tightening things up like your butt and shinking hemroids.

never heard of that for hair regrowth but it does help around eyes swelling.

No, but Ron Popeil of Ronco fame may sell that 'hair in a can' stuff that was on informercials every five minutes back in the '90s.

funny

no it won't

NO. It might irritate your scalp as it's not meant to be used on it.
Preparation H is a treatment for hemorrhoids.
It won't make you look like you have more hair.

IDk, but I've heard that it's good for wrinkles around the eyes. Rumors had it that Madonna used it and swore by it.

Sure