How should i go about losing my virginity?

So I'm 22 year old married woman, and I'm a virgin. I could've had sex by now but I've got terrible self esteem issues. Me and my wife have been married for about a year and a half now and we haven't had sex yet, she hasn't been pressuring me or anything but i do want to lose it to her. I just feel like I'm disgusting to look at and that when we do finally do it she'll not want me anymore and leave or that I'll be so awkward and not know what I'm doing and that I'll be horrible at it. I should probably add that we're polyamorous and have a boyfriend as well, i haven't banged him either. I talked to her about it the other day and she said that maybe i should try talking to him about it and lose it you him, we're getting him a wedding band soon so he'll be equal with us since we both love him and i feel the same way towards him as i do her. That I'll **** it all up, and if i decide to get sexual with him that he'll want to leave as well. So i don't know what i should do, should i just keep things the way they are or face my fears and try? I want to get dolled up and surprise them but they might reject me and i don't know if i can risk ruining what we have. Help?