I used to be very scared of it during earlier parts of my life. Definitely as a child. Maybe slightly less so when I was a Christian for a few years. And then again, very much so, during my years of diehard atheist materialism and skepticism.
These days..? I won't say I'm COMPLETELY cool with it, to the point of having absolutely no fear at all, or wishing for it to happen anytime soon. Because this life, here in this body, with the people that I love, is something incredibly f*cking precious to me! Even though it gets hard at times, and I've got a lot of issues to work on, too.. Don't we all? :) But.. I'm still incredibly grateful for getting to experience all this, in the first place, and I do NOT look forward to it ending! I don't really want to leave this place. At least not at this point of my life, anyhow. But I'm also REALLY freaking excited about seeing past the veil, once more, and rejoining Source/Divinity.. I see death as being basically just a transition, these days, based on my life experience so far. But do I know the full extent of how it all works, and EXACTLY how it's going to happen..? No. And that's okay. I am probably wrong about all kinds of stuff. But then again.. that's what makes it the beautiful, mysterious, but also somewhat scary Ultimate Unknown that it is.. And I also feel ENORMOUSLY attracted to that, kind of like a moth to a flame! And I know that, if you can let go of ALL fear of ego/self annihilation, and just willingly let yourself dissolve into the Light, that's precisely what true freedom means... And I've been to similar states before, during some really intense psychedelic experiences! (Which, incidentally, has also changed my general perception, and my views on spirituality, and death, and the nature of reality, one hell of a lot. I was a diehard atheist before those experiences, go figure..) So my soul still really longs for that place, and the freedom that it is to just be One with God/Source, and with everything, and to let go of everything, and to have no fear, no attachments, and NO f*cking hooks in you, whatsoever! Which, realistically, it's pretty damn hard to be there all the time, during one's day-to-day life... I guess we just simply can't, at this point. But I feel like, that's what death, and dying, is really all about! It is the ULTIMATE surrender, of everything! That leads to ultimate liberation, and just.. yeah. My soul still longs for that. By a LOT, a lot, a lot...
I guess I also feel kind of like, the human survival instinct is just SO f*cking strong, death is usually our ultimate fear! It is the mother of basically ALL fears.. And as for people who say they aren't scared of it in the slightest? Well... Maybe they aren't right NOW! But I believe they're basically just sh*tting themselves, if they think no deep, underlying part of them is even the slightest bit scared. It's basically all just a matter of, how much are you experiencing that "survival instinct / fear of death" part of yourself right NOW? Maybe not much. I'll give you that. But I think, in the VAST majority of cases, it is still freaking there! Or else we would not survive... It was absolutely bloody integral to our survival as a species that we just HAD TO have an enormously powerful survival instinct! Hence my view of our fear of death being the mother of all fears.. At least for me, anyhow. And I think for the VAST majority of other people, too... Which is exactly why I am also so weirdly f*cking attracted to it, on a spiritual level! Because let go of just THAT one thing..? Allow yourself to completely DIE, whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually..? Do that, and you're basically free! Just.. 100% free, of everything! And it's the most beautiful, most sacred f*cking feeling...
So my relationship with death these days has definitely got TWO sides to it! As in: aversion AND attraction... And I remember, when I was still basically a kid, I watched V for Vendetta, and it became my absolutely favorite movie EVER! For reasons I could not fully explain... But it's basically all that! What I've been talking about! Where Evey, (one of the two main characters), is locked up in a cell by V, and tortured, until she just completely BREAKS, and surrenders EVERYTHING... At which point, V threatens to kill her if she does not provide the government with information. And she's all like: "okay, fine. That's completely f*cking fine! I have NO fear anymore!" ..Then she realizes that the whole thing was actually just a set-up, brought about by V, because he wanted to help set her free. And there's this scene on the roof, where she's basically reborn, in a similar way to how he was. "God is in the rain"... I think I'll include it here, just because it spoke to me SO much back then! And it still speaks to me SO much now! And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what makes me tick, and the reason for my whole strange fascination with, and attraction to, the concept of death... Guess I was always a bit weird about it. Considering how this thing resonated with me SO f*cking deeply, even at the age of 13, before I'd ever had ANY such death/rebirth/transformation experiences of my own. ;)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBPvkctfN6Y