Huge problem involving my sexuality, don't know what I am?

it's all still percolating and that's okay. It's not really a huge problem. It's not like, at 18, you have to make any sort of public declaration. Your sex life, or lack of it, is entirely your own business. You seem to know that you aren't really gay.. it's just easier to get sexual with guys and you don't get turned down. Kiss some more girls. See what happens.

You're not having a problem at all. You're experimenting. The issue is your desire to label yourself. That's completely unnecessary.

I say you never know until you explore you options, maybe try it with a girl and see if you like it, if not, try with a guy or the other way around. Once you try, you'll know

Many people have questions about their sexuality when they are teens, or even throughout their adult life. Not knowing “what you are” might feel confusing right now, but many people have felt that feeling too.

One way of thinking about sexual identity that works for many people is to think of it as a scale or a spectrum: from “completely straight” at one end to “perfectly bisexual” in the middle and to “completely homosexual” at the other end. Most people don’t land exactly on either end (or exactly in the middle) but rather are somewhere in between. Experiments can help you figure out where you fall on the spectrum - just like the kissing or other sexual behaviors you talk about with both girls and guys. But, an experiment, in and of itself, doesn’t automatically mean you’re gay, straight, or anything else.

Sexual interests can also vary over time. Some people have same-sex partners for part of their lives, and opposite-sex partners for other parts. So “what you are” might be one thing now, and it might be another thing later in your life.

You can also think about different aspects of your sexuality: there’s how you identify yourself (“I’m a straight man…”), there’s what you fantasize about (“… who daydreams about other guys…”), and there’s what you do (“… and who seems to sleep mostly with women, but has had occasional flings with other guys in the past.”).

Experimentation is a great way to become a better lover. You may find you’ve learned things that will make your sex better whether your future couplings are with the same or the opposite gender.

It’s perfectly healthy to have fantasies of any type, and it’s common to have same-sex fantasies and still prefer opposite-sex partners and opposite-sex relationships. Fantasy is a healthy thing that allows you to experience things in your mind.
It’s also not uncommon to experience different kinds of attraction with different people - which could mean different genders, ages, physical characteristics or more.

Whatever “you are” in terms of your sexuality - which could be anywhere on that spectrum, or different over time - is absolutely OK.

SFSI Staff
HNR/RR

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