How to be much less aloof?

I have been aloof for at least 6 years and can deduce that it is due to several major emotional hits (not emotional breakdown, but shutdown). I was OK with it but as I have recently gone to university which the environment I found is less depressing and people were better, I realised I repressed my feeling for too long - I am not emotionless at all as what the majority (or everybody?) from the past thought of me, I just ignored feelings and incline onto my rational side - and now I couldn't be less passionate abt the surrounding except me. Even when something stirs my emotions, I either react with anger, sarcasm (cynicism) or just emotionless tone and I'm starting to hate this numb feeling.

From what I think it is my breakdown, here I break it to you chronologically:
1) When I was little, my mother (and occasionally my father) always scolded me. They were SO bad-tempered and threatened me in order to obey them jesus christ (my dad still does this today sometimes but I just use logic or aloofness to hit back), and my parents now whine abt how I could be so cold to them -_- I used to cry a lot but then one day, I think around 7 y/o, I swore that I would never cry again and after then, every time I got scolded I just ignored my sadness and move on (because I hope for a better future and outcome, still applies today), which eventually made me aloof (dead inside).

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2) In primary school years, there was this psychopathic mommy's boy who would accuse my friends and I for bullying him for 2 years, which is not the case because he made that all up, but her mum believed everything without witnessing anything since those "accidents" "happened" in school. (Luckily, other classmates were also victimised so they knew we were clean.) This made me think that people are dangerous.

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3) In secondary school years, I was ~60% aloof but I think I have already built a very defensive wall that I was made up of sarcasm, anger, and aloofness. It became apparent after my fallout with my first best friend during the period which hurt me a lot and I went on like this for at least 5.5 years. As I reflect, some of my friends are also manipulative and cold, so I must act strong in order not to be controlled.

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Also, the environment of the school is bureaucratic, so the whole atmosphere was quite cold. Nonetheless, I tried to be warmer and made some good friends, but we were never as close as my cold friends and none gets into my heart, partly because I don't want them to find my weak spot.

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4) As I've gone to exchange this summer, which had the warmest atmosphere, maybe due to the nature of people's professions which require their warmth, e.g. doctors. But I was already cool-headed and aloof by then that I am scared of people's intentions, esp. when someone is suddenly nice to me.

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There was an older girl who clings onto me suddenly but I seemed to be rational all the time that I wasn't as zealous as her. NOW I realise she might have liked me yet we have been apart for 3 months but I still miss her. This is the point where I regret losing one of my potential soulmates and I couldn't bear my aloofness anymore. I still want to be rational, but I also want to be more sensitive and less cynical. What should I do???

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