While, yes, I have been feeling a constant urge to smack her in the face, I have been doing everything I can to resist that urge, and, despite years of the same harassment, I have managed to resist it fairly well so far, but the fact that urge is there at all is just adding additional emotional duress, meaning I have to constantly worry about losing control one day, not to mention the legal ramifications of getting stuck with a child abuse charge.
It doesn't help any that the child's father, my uncle, has already threatened violence against me if I were to hit his daughter, an event that is more than hypocritical because he abused me plenty of times as a kid having frequently hit and beaten me for one reason or another, and in fact still abuses me to this day having been given several facial bruising, having the back of my head repeatedly pounded into an object, and having a golf club brandished at me.
Also, while I shouldn't have to say this, if someone is under mental stress where they are constantly worrying about lashing out at their tormentor, this sounds to me a lot more like someone screaming and hollering at a dog for barking, while someone else in the room routinely kicks the dog non-stop.
Yes, I understand that if I were to hit them that would still be uncalled for, and more to the point that is why I don't want them to continue tormenting me, because I don't want to be put in a situation where I will inevitably one day loose control of myself, and do the unthinkable, but the thing is, without discipline from my uncle and grandmother, my neice is never going to learn any better.
Being a child, of course she doesn't know any better, but then again I don't know how to read brail either, and usually for the same reason...I don't need too, so therefore I don't have too.
Well as long as I'm the only one getting screamed at then why would anyone expect this seven year old brat to stop tormenting me, especially given how any slight inconvenience, no matter how small (accidently knocking something to the floor, dropping something, etc), makes her burst into a wide grin, so yes, from a young age, she is being taught that sadism is a permisable thing since the only person facing reprecautions for their actions is going to be me.
This has got to be brought to an end, because the child is starting to be old enough to where she can be taught to act better, and besides that I'm tired of being upset every time I'm around her, and not to mention the various literal panic attacks (numbness, headaches, troubled vision, etc.) I've had from worrying about loosing my self-control.
