I feel bad about ending our engagement?

Money cannot buy a good relationship. Money can't fix years of unhappiness or an abusive relationship.

I've never known anyone who regrets getting out of a bad relationship. I've never known anyone who wishes they'd stayed in a bad relationship and saved their money. I HAVE known people who are 100% happy to have left a bad relationship even if it meant being broke or deep in debt.

You can always earn more money and pay off debt. It's just money. Happiness is not as easy to replace or repair.

Whatever may have been spent on the wedding is a drop in the bucket compared to what a divorce would've cost you.

If you feel that badly send her a check for $$ to pay for the dress and whatever else. It may clear your conscience. I don't know.

But you did the right thing for yourself because who wants to marry someone who acts like she does?

I think ending your engagement was a good idea, if you can't see yourself wanting to be with her a month before your wedding then getting married isn't the right thing to do. Any sign of violence in a relationship should be a sign that this relationship isn't a place you should settle in and I'm glad that you did. If the only thing you feel bad about is the money that had already gone into it and the guilt doesn't go away soon thrn maybe you could pay half? That might clear you conscious a bit, but I would just move on with your life and find someone that makes you happy. She could sell the dress and the bridal shower will just be a party she had.

It sounds like breaking your engagement was the right thing to do.

You did the right thing. Never get involved with someone who is more messed up than you are. Nobody deserves to be abused. She was abusive to you.

You need closure, you want to do the right thing by her and you have integrity. So, what would you have to do to ensure those things for yourself? You mention feeling bad because she is out a bunch of money. What about the money you are out?

Her behavior caused the end of the relationship, not yours. It would be a whole lot more expensive to have gone through with a marriage and then have to go through a divorce later. Plus there would have been all that wasted time.

Would it be possible to meet with her and civilly discuss money? Maybe that would be an opportunity to end things cordially, provided you could come to an agreement on what would be fair.

OTOH, sometimes it is best to just stay away. You could still arrange money matters over the internet or through mutual friends if you really think that would be the honorable thing to do.

You have strong feelings for the girl if you were engaged.

The reason why you called off the engagement seem reasonable.

Caring for someone, hurting them, you should feel bad.

The truth is, if you are not 100% sure, you did the right thing.
If you did not, get married, divorce will be harder than breaking the engagement.

Truthfully, it sounds like neither one of you is ready for marriage and all it involves. Since it's less than three months away from the wedding, the deposits are likely non refundable on the venue for the reception and any other places that you made contracts with regarding wedding activities. You should take the hit on these despite the cost. Remember, she bought a wedding dress and she won't be able to return that to the shoppe. She likely spent money on other wedding related items and will be responsible for the cost of them. So, step up and take some responsibility for ending the engagement. Regarding the ring, "Under this approach, the engagement ring is still considered a conditional gift. However, the donor is not entitled to return of the ring if he was responsible for the broken engagement." This is according to "Primer" "A guy's guide to growing up." http://www.primermagazine.com/2013/learn/legally-speaking-who-gets-the-engagement-ring-if-the-wedding-is-called-off. Hope things calm down soon, but there are going to be hurt feelings and recriminations aplenty for the next few months and possibly beyond this time. Accept this, but try to move on with your life. I wouldn't recommend getting into any relationships for the next while since your judgement is going to be clouded. You don't want to make another mistake. Good luck, I really hope that things work out for both of you.

We don't know both sides, but in this case it doesn't matter. Since you don't want to spend your life walking on eggshells, ending the relationship is the right thing to do. She says she's changed. Tell her she needs to get therapy or something to learn new ways of handling things. Awareness of the problem, is only the first step, it doesn't fix it.

You feel bad because deep down inside, you knew you should have ended it sooner. And, the fact that you love(ed) her wears heavily because you do care for her and therefore, care for her feelings.

At the end of the day, you really did do the right thing, you did. You know it. This girl was not marriage material and it is a good thing that you realized it. In spite of the money spent on wedding things, that is a far cry from proceeding with a wedding, buying a house and having a child or three.......just to divorce in years to come. Please do not beat yourself up over this because as horrible as letting this wedding charade go on, the marriage would have been even harder to walk away from without 1/100th the amount of emotional and financial damage. You did the right thing.

Do not ever second guess yourself. Quite frankly, feeling bad about what happened is a good thing. It shows you have a heart and a conscience. Great qualities for a guy to have for the right woman.

You feel bad because you love her. I think you did the right thing. You don't want to be around someone with anger issues. She will dislike you but she will get over it. Besides you saved yourself a lifetime of unhappiness.

I think you were right to call off the wedding but I also think that you knew all of this and could have said something before she spent all the money. You did the proposing didn't you so why would you do it with such uncertainty in your feelings. If you feel bad you could offer to reimburse her for some of the down payment money. You feel bad about letting it go on for so long when you knew it all along but were just too chicken to admit it to her or to yourself until the last moment. she has every right to be upset about that but still you were right not to marry her feeling how you do. The lady is not really ready for marriage and could probably use some anger management therapy. Better this than a messy divorce later on

thats cause you feel bad having to do that, maybe you should give her the money back that she spent on her wedding dress

It's late enough that she won't get full deposits back so if you were on the fence very long.. you took enough time to waste considerable money that does not seem to have been paid for by you. So, if you feel some guilt.. good! But over deciding that you changed your mind and will not wed her? Well, best choice for you to make and you know it.

There will probably be heartbreak and devastation and shock and mild insanity and deeply wounded self confidence... but she's likely to get over that sooner than a dreadful marriage with what appears to be a mutual lack of respect.

People change over time, some people have a rough time dealing with changes. I think you should have tried some consoling to help you guys out but you can't go back now. If she can't accept the ways you've changed, if you're not happy being with her and constantly fighting then you did the right thing. Better to end it now then spend more money on a divorce and having to give her half of what you have.
Don't feel guilty, she's the one that spent the money, not you. You need to do what's right for you. If that means the end of a relationship then you have to move on.

You feel bad because you love her, wanted the marriage and did nothing to work things out. You should have postponed the wedding, both of you gone to anger management & premarital counseling to learn how to communicate without fighting and how to deal with her anger issues.