改英文作文的文法, 謝謝?

Errors and corrections are in brackets(---):-
I promise myself that I will never be a regular doctor who (treats and just sits) in the clinic. I have to go (futher to work to ) change our world and save people who lost their souls.

I dream to become a politician in my childhood. I am eager to gain the power to dominate the world. I believe that only politicians can (govern) all unjustice and poverty and make the world more harmonious. However, I have seen the (disguised veil) of politicians and political rules after the outbreak of political disputes in Hong Kong.

I decided to abandon my childhood dream. I believe that fate has led me to the channel leading to medicine. I realized and learned a lot during these five years. I found that I could change the world even though I am not a politician. I am able to save the (ailing=are ill and not getting better) victims through my hands, which is more practical than the politicians. It's like having fulfilled my childhood dreams and (having led) to a more practical path. I am a lucky person (working) through my profession to practice the (politics) while saving the unfortunate people.

I am grateful for all the people I met in my college time, and I will never forget the memory of studying in the UK , (which) is memorable and full of gratitude.

---配合第二段，這段是過去完成式，也順加一個過去時間點---
I (promise myself ==> had dreamed for a long time when I was young. Promise 是很正式的承諾…, 年輕時的想法夢想不算是promise ) that I (will ==> would. will 是未來式，配合前句想法由過去開始用would ) never be a (regular, 看不出有何需要，建議取消) doctor ( who ==> regularly ) sitting in ( the ==> a. 未知不特定的位置用a) ( clinic ==> clinic chair，既然用了sit in就 + chair吧) .
I (have to ==> had dreamed to. 過去一段時間的想法用過去完成式 ) go farther (for ==> to ) change (our world ==> the world) and save people who (lost their souls ==> live in despair/生活陷入絕望. lost their souls含意不明! ).
I (dream ==> dreamed) to become a politician in my childhood(, ==>.) I (am eager ==> had a dream. 不可能作到的事明顯是夢想啊! ) to gain the power to dominate the world. I (believe ==> believed,你過去認為要用過去式) that only politicians (can ==> could ) ( destroy ==> eliminate. destroy改為eliminate/消除) all (injustice ==> injustices/各式不正義) and poverty and make the world (more ==> rather. more 不是不好，但意指你承認現在世界已經有點harmonious，若你確實認為現在已為合諧但需更好則要用more) harmonious. However, I have seen the (veil ==> hypocrisy/虛偽，只用veil用意不明確，除非對veil有補充描述) of politicians and political rules after the outbreak of political disputes in Hong Kong.
I (應加 have) decided to abandon my childhood dream, I believe that (fate ==> the above recognition/以上認知，fate不是不好，而是你沒講足故事可成為fate) has led me to (step on/步上) the (channel leading to medicine ==> physician career/醫師職業). I realized and learned a lot during these five years(, ==> .) I (found ==>  find/think，到目前不變的觀念用現在式) that I could change the world even though I am not a politician. I (able to ==> am able to. able 只是adj, 有能力是用be able to ) (save ==> help) the (victims ==> patients，另如果你是戰地醫生，那原句可不要改) through my hands, which is more practical (+ way/方式) than ( politicians ==>  politicians’ flattering and bragging /政治人物的奉承與誇張 ). (It's like ==> It’s likely that) (having fulfilled my childhood dreams ==> to be a doctor ) ( and leads to a more practical path ==> make my childhood dreams practical and finally make it come true ). I am a lucky person, through my profession to practice the ( idea ==> goal of helping people. 觀念改成目標 ) ( while ==> through ) ( saving the unfortunate people ==> curing diseases/我不認為病人全都是很不幸的人)
I am grateful for all the people I met in my college time, and I will never forget the memory of studying in the UK, it is memorable ( + episode/經歷) (and ==> besides/除了) (full of 可取消) gratitude.