How do you use a condom?

1- buy condom
2- look for girl to have sex with
3 - keep looking
4- don't give up you will find her one day
5 - damn you must be ugly
6 - well it's about damn time
7- get girl naked
8 - get naked
9 - remember where you put the condom
10 - open condom realize you bought it so long ago it is useless
11- beg her to not use condom
12 - get dressed run to store
13 - get condom run back to girl
14- sorry you took too long she changed her mind

You tube has a videos on this subject

Many ways, funniest being blowing it up and sticking it on your head.