How to be positive when family isn't?
2017-04-13 10:24 pm
I'm 19 years old took a year off school too work 3 jobs, earn a car, and learn what I want with life. As of last month I have been trying to train myself to be more confident in myself and self positive. When I was you my mom and dad where always fighting and yelling growing up me and my 4 little brothers saw this. My dad was a abusive drunk smoker and my mom always played victim and she is bi-polar. They are divorced my mother decided to take care of us 5 by herself 5 years ago? I love my my mom I'm grateful for her I dislike my father but as of lately I'm seeing my mother for the negative person she is. She is always angry at me and it feels like the anger she has towards my dad. My dad was always a I could've should've done this person and always angry. My mom always the victim and could never stand for what she wanted. Growing up I feel like I took both my parents most negative traits. At home my brothers are always arguing and fighting and use personal jokes as comebacks it's so negative. It's my fault I'm supposed to be the leader but I taught them wrong. How do I become a positive person and still live at home when all I've ever been my life was negative
回答 (3)
2017-04-13 10:47 pm
I can't pretend to have lived through a similar situation... but I think a crucial part of the answer is to focus on seeing the situation for what it is... taking a step back, and seeing it with some objectivity... not complete objectivity, that just isn't possible... but taking a good look at every angle of the situation... and making it your goal to do better, to rise above all that. It sounds like you are on your way to doing that.
All people are flawed in their own ways. Some flaws aren't necessarily forgivable, like abusiveness and violence, they are harder to come to terms with... but things like misplaced anger, that's an easier mistake for any of us to make... though it is still a mistake, and nothing good can come of it.
Let's start with one simple fact... you are not your family. They will always be with you, and you will always have to live with them, in one way or another... but ultimately, one person defines you, and that is you. In life, we observe, and we adopt the example of the people that impress us. If those people happen to be your family, then that is great... but that is frequently not the case.
Can things ever be good when you're stuck in a house with hostile irrational people? Perhaps not, as long as that situation persists... but whatever happens, you have to be true to yourself... and in order to do that, you have to be clear on who you want to be, how you want to be... and stick by that, not letting anyone pull you one way or the other. In other words... set a better example for your family... and I recognize that is by no means easy. Their foolishness should not be your burden for any longer than it has to be You try to do the right thing by them, you try to keep them in your life... but in the long run you can't let them, or anyone, pollute your life with their mental illnesses. You may not have a choice about it right now, and that can be tough, but that won't be the case forever. So know yourself, and try to stay true to that.
All people are flawed in their own ways. Some flaws aren't necessarily forgivable, like abusiveness and violence, they are harder to come to terms with... but things like misplaced anger, that's an easier mistake for any of us to make... though it is still a mistake, and nothing good can come of it.
Let's start with one simple fact... you are not your family. They will always be with you, and you will always have to live with them, in one way or another... but ultimately, one person defines you, and that is you. In life, we observe, and we adopt the example of the people that impress us. If those people happen to be your family, then that is great... but that is frequently not the case.
Can things ever be good when you're stuck in a house with hostile irrational people? Perhaps not, as long as that situation persists... but whatever happens, you have to be true to yourself... and in order to do that, you have to be clear on who you want to be, how you want to be... and stick by that, not letting anyone pull you one way or the other. In other words... set a better example for your family... and I recognize that is by no means easy. Their foolishness should not be your burden for any longer than it has to be You try to do the right thing by them, you try to keep them in your life... but in the long run you can't let them, or anyone, pollute your life with their mental illnesses. You may not have a choice about it right now, and that can be tough, but that won't be the case forever. So know yourself, and try to stay true to that.
2017-04-15 2:45 am
maybe you should move out, you might be more positive that way if youre not in such a negative environment
2017-04-13 10:29 pm
From experience. Keep walking this road you're walking. And someday, you will be wise enough to not let people affect you.
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