i'm 16 and This has been happening since about 2 years ago i guess.
sometimes i just kinda make myself really sad and i hate it idk why i do it. Like the song Breathe Me by sia just absolutely kills me. there have been nights at 4am that i've cut myself and wanted to die just because i chose to turn on that song fully knowing how it would make me feel. Once i have a sad thought it's like i purposely drive myself to a fully escalated version of it.
The most recent example would be the netflix series "13 reasons why". While watching it brought out those thoughts i had inside and i wanted to die. It actually made me think "**** my life why should i try, when i go back to school i'm not going to do any work it's all useless and i'm going to quit my sport" when just hours before i was keeping track of my grades and trying to plan how i will do good for 4th quarter. When i don't drive myself to this extreme mood i'm just kinda plain & empty in a way but not sad. why am i like this?