Help with a Latin phrase?

Hi. I want to make some T-shirts as Xmas presents that have Caesar s portrait and either "Vini, vidi, vinci and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" or "I conquered Britain and all I got was this lousy T-shirt." I ve tried three different on-line translators and received three different answers, and my own grasp of Classic Latin is far too shaky. And yes, I realize T-shirt can t be translated, but I think just leaving it in English would be part of the joke.