I might have to kill myself sometime in the near future. Every emotion I have is crap. I think of my previous thoughts from this year, they're crap. I try to think of my activities, but they also just feel like crap now. I can't help sometimes but feel like the depression is my fault. Sometimes I wanna hit myself. Sometimes I actually self-harm a bit. I don't really feel much these days. All I feel a lot of the time is confusion, frustration, and boredom. Depending on how my future days go, you might not hear from me for much longer. The last message I send, I'm sorry to say, might actually be a suicide note. It really feels like I've messed up this morning and once again, my self-esteem is suffering because of it. I hardly care about anything anymore. All I can think about is the crap that has been in my past, including the crap that comes from my parents.
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My mother is a ***** who brings me down all the time, but my father is also a bit of an ******** behind closed doors. This chapter of my life kinda sucks. Especially this year of my life in this chapter. Last month it started to get really weird, and this week has been complete ****. I started those polls in some of my previous questions this week because I was tired of the **** that goes on around here. The people around here can let you down, I get underwhelmed. And overwhelmed by misery.