I want to die?

Jimmy,

I am extremely sorry to read about your present sad plight. It is really bad and unfortunate. It may be only due to some bad luck, bad time or "fate". Please do not over think about it now if you are mentally upset. Please don't feel disheartened. Gain some more moral courage to withstand such pulls and pressures or stresses and strains.

It is all because you have written a sentence here instead of raising a solid question.

Medication and therapy will help you overcome this feeling. Good luck.

I'm 18 male

Make sure you have your suicide note, if you are going to leave one, your next of kin contact information, and your photo ID readily available to make it easier on the police. I would call 911 or your local emergency number and let them know what you are doing and why. Let them know you are just calling to let them know where to pick up your dead body. Hopefully emergency services will be able to get to it before someone else stumbles upon it by accident.

look into palliative care,

and hospice

well, it might all be about either lupus or some other colagenosis( connective tissue disease)...
and these are treatable conditions...
you've got to be on treatment and follow- up...
no need to die whatsoever...

It sounds like lupus lol.
Not kidding, it actually does sound like lupus and you should get it checked out. If it's a treatable organic condition, you're really wasting your life.

Stupidity.