I used to be extremely talkative but now I just feel so tired everyday and everything seems to be pointless and has no meaning anymore.?

No matter how hard i try i just won't make it and i will let my parents down again.

I used to like going out but now I just hate where there is so many people, I know that there is no one staring at me but I feel like there is. When i leave my house with my parents (they told me this) I would keep on sticking right next to them or following really close. I can't even go out by myself unless its with friends but the same thing happens.

I can't bring myself to wear shorts as well no matter how hot it is, I feel like I shouldn't wear shorts because of my thigh, i have a little bit of fat on my thigh (that rhymed) that's all but I feel really self conscious and scared when I wear shorts. I hate talking to strangers and I find it hard to show off emotion. I have this habit of laughing at everything even if it is not funny and now i don't even know what i should be laughing at.

I had a bit of suicidal thoughts these days like maybe if I end this here maybe I won't have to worry that much but i would pull back last second, i don't want my parents to be sad but i don't know my reason to live, my parents don't know anything about this (i hope) they won't believe me if i saw that i MIGHT have depression, i don't want to jump to conclusion that soon anyway but i find it hard to even like myself anymore and i really want someone to help me.

pls don't post any mean comments, i got that a lot before. should i go see a doctor or just wait it out (maybe its a phase)