請英文高手幫我看英文履歷有建議修改的地方!十分感謝!!
Thank you for taking time to read my CV.
I`m Tei, was born and raised in Tainan, where is a peaceful and invigorating city in Taiwan. My parents ran a little Taiwanese snack shop, therefore I realized a good attitude to attending to guests is necessary.
While in school days, I held pat-time jobs in a restaurant and a tea shop, I learned about some skills in kitchen、make beverages, and how to deal with unexpected situations.
I majored in vision communications in collage, after graduation I worked in printing and publishing company. In addition to progress in graphic design, I also build the capacity of autonomous decision-making and the ability to work as a team. I was lucky worked with nice colleagues, I got along well with them. Although we were in high stress and rush situation. I`m willing to listen carefully what customers’ needs, to give professional advices and experiment different ways to accomplish what boss and clients want.
I held an optimistic attitude come to Australia. I`ve heard about people here are kindness, Australia is an amazing and unique country, I hope experience life here and I will take my job seriously and try my best to complete it.
請英文高手幫我看英文履歷有建議修改的地方!十分感謝!!?
2016-08-10 11:43 am
回答 (2)
2016-08-11 4:01 am
✔ 最佳答案
既然你請求英文高手建議你的履歷，便告訴你的寫作雖然一般句式還算可以，但很多用詞和句子的編排邏輯都有很多錯處，需要多多讀"原文"英文來留意英文人的用詞和如何表達。例如：
was born and raised in Tai[w]an 連自己的"國家"也串錯字，同見你是個"不小心"的人。跟你下文說「有能力自行作出決定...解決突如其來的情況...試驗不同的解決方法...」使人懷疑作為的boss是多麼"小心"。
some skills in kitchen、make beverages,英文中是沒有"、"這個標點符號的。另外skills in kitchen是不合理的表達，英語講求"字詞之間的邏輯關係，假如用中文思想你應該是指「你在"做廚房的工作技術/工序/煮食和製作飲品」，其實分別是cooking skills 和 beverage making 把兩組變成"名詞"而不是不同的詞性而被組合(英語文法要求"同等"的用詞句式)。
I held paRt-time jobs 留心串字
invigorating是形用人的心情或狀態"精神煥發"(例如休息/放假後或對做某件事情很熱誠)，不會用來形用一個城市(國家)，英文可能用"vibrant"來形容一個"多采多姿"的城市。
Vision Communications 是否真的英文學科名稱？我只見過Visual Communications的學科。Vision = 視力，Visual是形容詞=視覺或用眼看的影象
Collage (錯字) => College
high stress and rush situation 是中文，比較像英語的用詞可能是 stressful, tight schedule...
I`ve heard about people here are kindness.當中here是指你身處的地方=台灣，你的意思應該是there(或over there)=Australia; kindness是仁慈或好心腸和樂於助人等的名詞，只不過這句的意思應該是用形容詞 kind 形容那裏的人。
I hope experience life here便是把你認識有限的英文字砌成一句你以為是的英文。除了句式有點錯外(下面修改)。你這句的含意是「我現在生不如死，希望在"there那裏=Australia"可以感受到生存的意義」，這是英語人用experience life的意思。我想你想說的應該是I hope to experience living there. living是日常生活。
以上只能指出一些非常嚴重的錯處(有些不單使人得知你英語水平有限)，甚至有些可能是英語人"不能明白"的句子(他們沒有"你的中文意思在他們的文法邏輯資料庫裏)。這類回覆的信(寫作)應該盡量簡潔和指出"有關"的要點，而不是描寫或記敘文，因此重點是寫出對你所"學得"的"果效"而不是"事件"的"陳述"。
例如：
therefore I realized [to maintain] a good attitude [in] attending to guests is necessary.本意是正確地表達"心得"，但"necessary"在英語中是"被迫"的意義，這句表達了你對工作的態度是"被迫而作"，假如用另一個字essential(表達其重要性)或benefitial(表達你明白不是單單需要並且是有利業務)。
I was lucky worked with nice colleagues, I got along well with them.
陳述本身沒錯的，只不過這句便不其然表達了你的工作心理，你感覺幸運你跟同事相處愉快是"因為他們友善"，那麼假如同事中有些"不友善"或"難處理的人你便"不幸了"。因此在工作/見工上這類陳述基本是"癈話"，這跟說成I am happy to have worked in the company沒甚麼分別，就算寫成I worked well with different kinds of collegues也沒甚麼加分的。可免則免了。
I also build the capacity of autonomous decision-making and the ability to work as a team.
這句的automomous表示你不明名這字的用法(錯用了)，工作上作出個人決定或上司讓你自行決定做事或執行的"方法"並不是"自治"/"自決"。這"能力"跟"效果"沒有必然關係的。另外亦跟你說"團隊合作"在(英語)意識上是矛盾的，這樣組合未必表達出你"能屈能伸"或"八面玲瓏"。建議你不如改寫為I am good at graphic design skills (可以的話重點指出你的技能是在那方面：構圖圖像、顏色發揮、編輯排版、人物創作、意念構思 、傳媒口號...) in working in a team production work (可以的話重點指出你在這製作團隊中的角色是甚麼：領導、指揮、執行監督、統籌、資料搜集、技術支援、畫圖製作、生產流程、商務推廣...)，說出其重點是把你的經驗或所學的跟你現在申請的工作的要求技能或所需能力說明，而不是陳述你工作的內容。
只是簡短的一段文字已有"太多"要修改了，這裏只指出一些重要可修改的。
2016-08-11 1:17 am
您好 我盡量以最少的變動來修正您的文章 祝您也在澳洲找到新生活
My name is Tei, and I was born and raised in Tainan, which is a peaceful and invigorating city in Taiwan. My parents ran a small Taiwanese snack shop, therefore I realized the importance of taking care of the needs of guests is the key to successes.
Back in school days, I had part-time jobs in a restaurant and a tea shop, where I learned some skills in the kitchen such as making beverages as well as how to deal with unexpected situations.
I majored in vision communications in collage. After graduation I worked in a publishing company. In addition to progress in graphic design, I also build the capacity of autonomous decision-making and the ability to work as a team. I was lucky to work with nice colleagues. I got along well with them, although we were in high stress and rush situation. I am willing to listen carefully to what customers need, to give professional advice and to try out different ways of accomplishing what boss and clients want.
I came to Australia with an optimistic attitude. I`ve heard that people here are kind. Australia is an amazing and unique country, I hope to experience life here and I will take my job seriously and try my best to complete it.
My name is Tei, and I was born and raised in Tainan, which is a peaceful and invigorating city in Taiwan. My parents ran a small Taiwanese snack shop, therefore I realized the importance of taking care of the needs of guests is the key to successes.
Back in school days, I had part-time jobs in a restaurant and a tea shop, where I learned some skills in the kitchen such as making beverages as well as how to deal with unexpected situations.
I majored in vision communications in collage. After graduation I worked in a publishing company. In addition to progress in graphic design, I also build the capacity of autonomous decision-making and the ability to work as a team. I was lucky to work with nice colleagues. I got along well with them, although we were in high stress and rush situation. I am willing to listen carefully to what customers need, to give professional advice and to try out different ways of accomplishing what boss and clients want.
I came to Australia with an optimistic attitude. I`ve heard that people here are kind. Australia is an amazing and unique country, I hope to experience life here and I will take my job seriously and try my best to complete it.
收錄日期: 2021-04-11 21:26:42
原文連結 [永久失效]:
https://hk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20160810034313AAZhTJS