Why do husbands that have affairs show no regret?
2016-08-03 9:36 pm
I recently discovered that my husband has been having an affair with a single woman who is our neighbour and lives one floor down from us. He does not know i am aware of this. I am devastated. He has shown no signs of it although he came home often. Why do they have no guilt? Is it because he dis respects me that he has done this? We have been married for 9 yrs
回答 (55)
2016-08-04 1:32 am
All husbands are not the same. Many husbands who are in the category of cheating show no regrets simply due to the fact that they aren't happy. Maybe the relationship wasn't how it was before. There are many reasons as to why your husband might not show any signs of regret. The main reason is probably because he knows you aren't aware of his cheating when, in reality, you do. As stated before, another sign could be unhappiness. Usually, people in general, no matter what gender or their marital status, cheat because they aren't happy or they aren't satisfied with what they have.
If he shows absolutely no signs of regrets when he comes home to you, then you shouldn't be with someone like that. 9 years is a very long time to be married to someone, but no one deserves to be cheated on. Everyone is special in their own way and for someone to cheat on anyone shows just how disgusting they are as a human being. In a world like this, all we need is love.
I'm very sorry for your situation. 9 years is a very long time to be with someone. I'm not exactly sure what your situation is entirely, but if you feel as if there's a way to save your relationship, then by all means, go for it. But, quite honestly, if you feel like the relationship can't be saved due to this problem, then you should separate yourself from him. We only have one life to live, after all. You shouldn't be disrespected like that.
Cheating should not be symbolized as something that can be forgiven like social media portrays it to be. Cheating is a very serious subject that shouldn't be taken lightly.
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If he shows absolutely no signs of regrets when he comes home to you, then you shouldn't be with someone like that. 9 years is a very long time to be married to someone, but no one deserves to be cheated on. Everyone is special in their own way and for someone to cheat on anyone shows just how disgusting they are as a human being. In a world like this, all we need is love.
I'm very sorry for your situation. 9 years is a very long time to be with someone. I'm not exactly sure what your situation is entirely, but if you feel as if there's a way to save your relationship, then by all means, go for it. But, quite honestly, if you feel like the relationship can't be saved due to this problem, then you should separate yourself from him. We only have one life to live, after all. You shouldn't be disrespected like that.
Cheating should not be symbolized as something that can be forgiven like social media portrays it to be. Cheating is a very serious subject that shouldn't be taken lightly.
~ If you have the time, please answer my questions on my profile. Have a wonderful day :) ~
2016-08-03 9:42 pm
Wow that's terrible shame on him. I am very sorry to hear this I know how you feel although I'm not married myself but I can imagine of how I would completely feel about this. The good thing is you've found out but to answer your question "why do husbands that have affairs show no regrets? " Well chances are they're jerks you know? They're selfish in my opinion. I think if your hubby really loved you then he wouldn't have not done what he's done with another woman behind your back don't you think? I think you should try confront him about this and let's see where this leads to. If this doesn't work out then you've already know what to.
2016-08-05 6:41 am
I used to tend bar as an extra job long ago. There were so many men that cheated or simply didn't go home. It isn't that they don't care about you, they just want to do whatever they want. I don't have any good advice for you except that I am happily divorced and have been for some time. I just didn't see that marriage was for me. Sorry about you being treated like you are. I know it hurts. It's hard to find out that someone you trust is a cheater and a liar. You have some important decisions to make. Good luck with it all.
2016-08-03 10:09 pm
I am not supporting affairs. They are betrayal and breach of trust whereas a married couple can expect dedication and trust. But there is something in a man, something animal, which can release itself. This wants to conquer. It wants to be the king in a little kingdom and also have other trophies. In some circumstances it is not actually disrespect. It is a wrong notion but many men slip into its trap.
The future is up to your discretion. It may be worth putting the pieces back together but the first step is that he has to fall hard. You are the true hero in this, especially if you work towards repair of your relationship. Don't believe that any of this is your problem, as a person. Don't even question your sex life and what you did to fulfil it. That is not an excuse for him.
The future is up to your discretion. It may be worth putting the pieces back together but the first step is that he has to fall hard. You are the true hero in this, especially if you work towards repair of your relationship. Don't believe that any of this is your problem, as a person. Don't even question your sex life and what you did to fulfil it. That is not an excuse for him.
2016-08-03 10:40 pm
9 years and you have always been there for him? Always encouraged, and supported him? Always been loyal and always backed him, no matter how wrong or stupid he was? Have you ever indicated that you were interested in doing something instead of having sex with him? Have you kept yourself in good physical shape, and avoided gaining weight? Do you stay clean, and fairly well groomed, when he's home? One person can't be EVERYTHING to another, forever. It usually isn't a matter of "disrespect", as much as it is a need for something that's missing at home. It's an act that fills a void for him. Why should he feel guilt, if he can keep you from finding out. I realize that you are hurt and shocked, but you need to stow all the emotional reaction, and think logically at this time. In what way has his actions hurt you? In what way has he deprived you of anything? FIRST make sure that he's actually cheating, and you're not just reacting to gossip and circumstantial "evidence". Then, if you can actually prove it, you need to have a calm and rational discussion about this. NOT and argument!! Decide if you are better off apart, or what? Think long and hard about living in a one room apartment, alone, as a middle aged divorcee, before you dump him!!
2016-08-03 9:42 pm
I assure you, from experience, that women have affairs and act the same way. It isnt just your husband. It isnt just men.
Usually, they rationalize their bad behavior somehow. They find someway to blame their spouse for their bad behavior. "My wife wasnt meeting my sexual needs." "My husband wasnt there for me." "I dont find my spouse attractive since they..." its screwy logic, but they basically say if their spouse was a better spouse, they wouldnt have cheated. It is complete BS, but that is how they justify it and mentally dont hold themselves accountable for cheating.
Usually, they rationalize their bad behavior somehow. They find someway to blame their spouse for their bad behavior. "My wife wasnt meeting my sexual needs." "My husband wasnt there for me." "I dont find my spouse attractive since they..." its screwy logic, but they basically say if their spouse was a better spouse, they wouldnt have cheated. It is complete BS, but that is how they justify it and mentally dont hold themselves accountable for cheating.
2016-08-03 9:37 pm
No one can tell you WHY he is having an affair, but, while the affair is going on, he does not feel any regret for his actions because he is constantly lying to himself in order to justify them.
2016-08-03 9:40 pm
Why are you lumping all men together, based solely on your husband's behavior? He doesn't represent the other billions of males on the planet.
PLENTY of men who have affairs/cheat, do feel and show regret. Not all do. It depends on the man. Why your husband shows no guilt, only he knows. Perhaps he doesn't feel guilt yet because he hasn't been outed. Perhaps he won't feel any guilt even when confronted with the knowledge that you know of his behavior. People without a conscience, don't tend to feel guilt.
PLENTY of men who have affairs/cheat, do feel and show regret. Not all do. It depends on the man. Why your husband shows no guilt, only he knows. Perhaps he doesn't feel guilt yet because he hasn't been outed. Perhaps he won't feel any guilt even when confronted with the knowledge that you know of his behavior. People without a conscience, don't tend to feel guilt.
2016-08-05 4:27 am
Because his value system is twisted. He's likely carrying a lot of sexist ideals where he objectifies women. There's really nothing you can do about it besides value yourself enough to give yourself the opportunity to find something better.
2016-08-05 2:29 am
they take us for granted sweetie, just went through that and left his *** as much as it hurt. If they do it once they'll do it again, know your worth!
2016-08-03 11:20 pm
He wants both worlds! You need to let him know that you are aware of his affair. If you do not stand up for your rights as his wife he will keep on having the affair! Say nothing and nothing changes. The choice is yours!
2016-08-03 10:26 pm
Perhaps he feels he was justified or entitled to seek sexual liaisons with whomever he chooses. The failure to have regret suggests the person will not be able to resist doing the same thing again in the future.
2016-08-04 6:49 am
They feel regret but it don't hit them till they get caught because they always think they are too slick to get caught. Here's a concept, if cheaters thought what they are doing is good and right then why hide? Most of the time people cheat because of opportunity nothing else. Its not you or any wife's fault ever. And 99.9% do not change. Pray on it and do what you feel is best, no rush. He will get his in the end because what goes around comes around and not always the way people dished it out. Since he wants to play games, I would move all his clothes and put them in front of his mistress home with a note that the divorce is papers are on the way. Betcha he will be crying and begging you to not leave him. Put him out. The emotional pain you are about to endure will feel like hell. God be with you. Good Luck.
2016-08-03 9:38 pm
Because his own gratification is more important to him than another person's feelings.
2016-08-06 6:31 am
Initially, he might have felt regretful but soon he convinced himself that it is okay to have an affair. He may not even call it an affair ,but something like his time to enjoy or relax .
Some people do think like this. From their perspective, they are doing everything in their capacity to fulfil the needs of their spouse and children. Now, that they have made others happy it is time for them to make themselves happy. So , they chose to do whatever it is that makes them happy. In your husband's case he chose to have a relationship with another woman.
You have to get tested for STD's / STI's. That woman is single and she may have sexual encounters with other people as well. Your husband is putting himself, you and your marriage in danger.
I cannot advise you to take a particular action in this situation. It's totally up to you to decide what to do.
Some people do think like this. From their perspective, they are doing everything in their capacity to fulfil the needs of their spouse and children. Now, that they have made others happy it is time for them to make themselves happy. So , they chose to do whatever it is that makes them happy. In your husband's case he chose to have a relationship with another woman.
You have to get tested for STD's / STI's. That woman is single and she may have sexual encounters with other people as well. Your husband is putting himself, you and your marriage in danger.
I cannot advise you to take a particular action in this situation. It's totally up to you to decide what to do.
2016-08-05 10:50 pm
husbands that cheat have no regrets because they are self-centered, self-absorbed, narcissistic personality disorder and victim mentality, it's the wife's fault that he cheats, it's never his fault. dump that dick head.
2016-08-05 2:50 am
If they had a conscience, they would never have an affair in the first place.
2016-08-05 9:14 am
WOw why are men such dickheads? Shame on him. No respect for this man.
I suggest a Divorce.
Why?
1. U have been all you need to be - a housewife and a mother to 2 children. You go up & beyond. He still betrays you.
2. Even if you didn't, marriage or a relationship is the only thing that is needed for betrayal to be a crime.He made the promise & he didn't fulfill it.
3. You overheard one of the neighbours saying to another that ur husband was claiming that he is getting no sexual satisfaction from me. Sex shouldn't be his concern. He should love you regardless. As you said, This was very hurting. I cannot believe he can say of you so openly like this as well. You should be devastated.
4. A man like this is trash. Don't waste your time & energy to hurt over him. It's not worth it. You will regret wasting time & energy on a scumbag, because it would all go down a drain. There is definitely someone who can treat you better. You have infinite possibility! Meanwhile, tell your kids about his crime. Let them know what big of a shame their father is & teach them not to be one in the future. Surround yourself with your family & friends to recover. KEEP YOURSELF BUSY. Forget all about it, start a new life! Every day is a new beginning! Without this scum I believe your life would be 100000000x better. Find someone who can treat you better. Every girl deserves a gentleman! It shouldn't be hard to leave a scum like him.
Sending you positive vibes & all the love & support! x
I suggest a Divorce.
Why?
1. U have been all you need to be - a housewife and a mother to 2 children. You go up & beyond. He still betrays you.
2. Even if you didn't, marriage or a relationship is the only thing that is needed for betrayal to be a crime.He made the promise & he didn't fulfill it.
3. You overheard one of the neighbours saying to another that ur husband was claiming that he is getting no sexual satisfaction from me. Sex shouldn't be his concern. He should love you regardless. As you said, This was very hurting. I cannot believe he can say of you so openly like this as well. You should be devastated.
4. A man like this is trash. Don't waste your time & energy to hurt over him. It's not worth it. You will regret wasting time & energy on a scumbag, because it would all go down a drain. There is definitely someone who can treat you better. You have infinite possibility! Meanwhile, tell your kids about his crime. Let them know what big of a shame their father is & teach them not to be one in the future. Surround yourself with your family & friends to recover. KEEP YOURSELF BUSY. Forget all about it, start a new life! Every day is a new beginning! Without this scum I believe your life would be 100000000x better. Find someone who can treat you better. Every girl deserves a gentleman! It shouldn't be hard to leave a scum like him.
Sending you positive vibes & all the love & support! x
2016-08-04 12:26 am
Well, how often do you put out and how often do you act as if sex and affection are a chore?
2016-08-03 9:38 pm
He thinks he's getting away with it. Confront him and threaten divorce with the alimony that goes with it, you'll see regret. Cheaters regret getting caught, like all dishonest people.
2016-08-04 4:41 pm
This exactly as one poster posted: The excitement of the clandestine activities. Sneaking around and getting away with it. If you are absolutely certain he is having an affair then you quietly need to decide what you want to do. Either let him know you know about the affair and get counseling to save your marriage or decide to divorce him. If it is the latter, then before you confront him, quietly get all your ducks in a row and see a lawyer and if you have children, seek child support. Look into renting an apartment, staying with a relative or staying in your home, which ever is more financially feasible. Make sure you have adequate financing to support yourself before your divorce. Look over the finances and get a good reality check on that first. Then decide what is best for you and the life you want. I see you are a housewife. Their are job placement centers to help you get the skills you need to support yourself. There are safe homes you can go to first and not pay rent until you get back on your feet. Check all avenues. The lawyer can help and direct you to social services.
2016-08-04 5:59 pm
if y0u have bec0me less attractive with age and children it is understandable. he is the s0le pr0vider s0 y0u sh0uld be satisfied and happy that he has n0t kicked y0u 0ut and m0ved an-0the rw0men in. y0u are still gett9ng y0ur needs met by him...living in his h0use, eating his f00d, wearing his clthes, etc..and seems like y0u will c0ntinue t0...unless y0u bec0me argumentative and betchy. After all the g00d things he has pr0vided and will c0ntinue t0 pr0vide f0r y0u and y0ur hildren y0u sh0uld n0t be s0 cncenred ab0ut these things. Y0u sh0uld want him t0 get hus sexual needs met as y0u get y0ur nutriti0nal, shelter, and every ther security need met by him. d0nt be s0 selfish and cruel and treat y0ur husband as a slave.
2016-08-09 4:13 pm
He as already checked out of your marriage. After seven years many marriages fall into a rut where both partners stop making an effort - usually kids and work take priority and romance dies. Guys need constant maintenance to stay sharp. You turned your head too long babe.
2016-08-08 5:33 pm
If this was me I would pretend to cheat on him and if he gets crazy I would throw it in his face like, "oh! But it's okay for you to **** the girl in the first floor?!" My advice to get him back is pamper yourself and dress cute or sexy and go out and soon he will ask why you keep getting ready and he will take instrest. But one you guys get into it and talk to each other if you love him still and have anything for him talk and give him an ultimatum if he ever cheats again you'll leave. Not all men change, some do some don't but never decrease your value because your worth more than him and his secret on the first floor.
2016-08-07 10:11 am
Most people that have affairs, simply just don't care.
2016-08-06 12:29 pm
I can't speak for your sisuation but I will speak to mine. I was separate from my wife for two years, was betrayed, and lonely so I found somebody online who turn out to be a wonderful person. The truth is I still love my wife so even though the relationship was going really well I viewed it as adultery and ended the relationship. Even though my wife never accepted me back I owed it to Jesus Christ to do the right thing
2016-08-06 4:12 am
He lies and cheats, so it shouldn't be surprising that he doesn't show guilt. Men who respect their mates do not cheat.
2016-08-06 2:49 am
Because he does not think he is wrong until he gets caught
2016-08-05 4:19 pm
Fot the same reason that women have...they have no morals and they feel that it wasn't their fault. Someone else caused it
2016-08-05 1:40 am
They're scum
2016-08-04 10:29 am
They feel regret but it don't hit them till they get caught because they always think they are too slick to get caught.
2016-08-03 11:45 pm
Why have you been quite all this time? Don't let him hurt you like this. He needs to know that you're his wife and that he's answerable to you. He needs to know how much pain he's caused you. 9 years is not a small span, you need to take a serious step and put an end to this. Talk to him before things get worst.
2016-08-04 12:45 am
I know you are suffering but its not just men that have affairs. And its not about guilt either. Whoever seeks this no matter male or female the main issue is they are seeking something different. Your partner may love you very much, but sex with the other women is a different reality he has created and you must have heard of the expression "Guilty Pleasure", because that is what it becomes...He cannot afford to show any regrets, as he is living in two realities. He is probably not doing it to hurt you either, so I would suggest you think about your relationship, seek guidance from a Professional Marriage guidance Practioner. My advise for what its worth is to face the problem, and see if you can overcome the issues...otherwise it will place such stress on your health and well being. Good luck to you both.
2016-08-04 2:46 am
Drop the coffee idea and invest the time in tending to your husband.
2016-12-17 9:28 pm
now it does not matter why he did,'cause he did......you can only divorce since you are devastated amd not an imoral person also......also if you knew before cheating that he would cheat it makes no sense even if you could change smth,except he had a wrong idea about you which is not true,or you lacked truths concerning the matter marriage the sugares,etc......but in my opinion since you are together he should have informed you ,being a man ,not do such a dirty thing which shows a superficial relationship with you or among you,or your lack of interest also ......towarf him...also the men are not some little dogs in the beg.........
2016-08-31 10:57 pm
probably 'cause either he doesn't see he's doing anything wrong or he doesn't give a fluck... if he is taking care of your sugarual needs then i can see him thinking you don't want more so he gives it someone else... if you are not getting all the sugar you want then you should tell him, i want more sugar... do you orgasm when you have sugar, if not then that could be a downer for a man, i would bet the other woman he is having sugar with does have orgasms and that can pump a mans' ego up which would make him feel better about himself... do you initiate sugar with him, you need to... how often do you have sugar with your husband?
2016-08-08 3:53 am
Because most men are @$$ holes :-/
2016-08-07 7:39 pm
Probably because either he doesn't see he's doing anything wrong or he doesn't give a fluck. If he is taking care of your sexual needs then I can see him thinking you don't want more so he gives it someone else. If you are not getting all the sex you want then you should tell him, I want more sex. Do you orgasm when you have sex, if not then that could be a downer for a man, I would bet the other woman he is having sex with does have orgasms and that can pump a mans' ego up which would make him feel better about himself. Do you initiate sex with him, you need to. How often do you have sex with your husband?
2016-08-07 3:23 am
I have a question how come the women always wander and dont move on to someone new. Stop wasting your time if he cheated on you. LET ME GUESS YOUR ONLY ASKING AND STAYING FOR THE KIDS HEARD IT ALL BEFORE LEAD BY EXAMPLE AND LEAVE
2016-08-07 1:20 am
It's silly really the train of thought that goes along with this. Male human beings are not wired to have sex with just one women there entire life. Period. This has been scientifically proven. The fact that we even thinks it's not normal for men to wander is absurd.
2016-08-06 4:04 am
All these answers are pretty on point, I can't beat them
2016-08-05 2:48 pm
Now it does not matter why he did,because he did..you can only divorce since you are devastated amd not an imoral person also..also if you knew before cheating that he would cheat it makes no sense even if you could change smth,except he had a wrong idea about you which is not true,or you lacked truths concerning the matter marriage the sexes,etc..but in my opinion since you are together he should have informed you ,being a man ,not do such a dirty thing which shows a superficial relationship with you or among you,or your lack of interest also ..towarf him.also the men are not some little dogs in the beg...
2016-08-05 6:27 am
There are married women who cheat too. They don't regret because they are horny and want action. They are in lust. If you can't trust him anymore either you go to counseling or divorice him.
2016-08-04 8:23 pm
because they're dogs-if they can get away with it-no feelings-just sex
2016-08-04 7:39 pm
The same reasons wives that cheat do I guess.
2016-08-03 10:36 pm
I'm a half cheater I had sexual contact and had chat sex (talking dirty over chatroom) when I was with my ex a few months ago. I didn't want this to happen but she always said she come round ect. she was a single mother still is but her excuses all the time my kids ill sorry cant make it I must of waited 20 times in the pouring rain for hours it was long distance throughout the relationship. She always said she has urges and needs and wanted me to unleash them too but always promised but never came round. One day later after sick tired of her I was talking to female friend who used to like abit and offered me to touch her boobs I did but felt guilty straight after I told her 20 mins after I stopped she was shocked and hurt but not devastated. She said she didn't like it but was proud I turn down sex and didn't go any further and she also was very pleased I didn't hide it I told her straight away. She also wasn't a gd gf at times to she said horrible things to me atleast in every argument we had quite often and made fun of me in front of her friends. She could be very abusive but at time manipulative so that's why I cheated I'm nt saying I did was acceptable I'm disgusted, but as the same time she should if been there she shouldn't be abusive and she shouldn't be a horrible person in general if cheating was the only way to get physical attention after a horrible relationship then not so bad my cheating is. Atleast I had a reason for my actions still sick and wrong it made me feel I'm glad I didn't do wat most husbands do just cheat for the hell of it! I'm vey sorry for wat he done to you I wish u well.
2016-08-05 7:28 am
lots of different cultures.....they have 2 wives.....if you are really rich you can have 7 wives....get it....or maybe some husbands are just use to cheating and the wife has no idea....some grandpas are always cheating and that is how he is learning that it's okay to cheat....
2016-08-05 4:55 am
Because the girls performed so well.
2016-08-05 1:07 am
Men don't do it out of disrespect for their wives or even for a lack of love for her. They do it simply out of lust.
2016-08-04 6:53 pm
well if they don't get caught, they shouldn't, because then they will get caught. it's all about never getting caught or your busted LoL
2016-08-05 2:03 pm
Why do you generalise based on your own bitter history?
2016-08-05 2:58 am
I honestly just really agree with the top answer
2016-08-04 10:07 pm
Lol
2016-08-04 6:23 pm
Is this question important . Leave question everyone will happy
2016-08-04 3:55 pm
I don't have direct experience, but friends and acquaintances have expressed that what led them to the affair would constitute an ending of the relationship in most cases, but not wanting to get divorced forced them into unmanageable situations. In other words, there was an issue in the relationship that was known and not being resolved. Cheating isn't good, but that's often the reason men aren't sorry. Oh, and women can be tight lipped about what bothers them and drive men crazy, something else that's food for thought.
2016-08-04 3:32 am
No
2016-08-03 10:02 pm
HE might not have had an affair if you werent satisfying him properly
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