Why I keep having suicidal thoughts?

You keep having these thoughts because you are not busy and not happy
doing what you are..Try new hobbies,meet new friends and learn
most people never reach their goals.I am almost certain your goal
was getting wealthy..Drop that nonsense.I am content.
Oh,it takes more guts to show others how tough you are by laughing
about life..Making others smile and laugh can be your new goal.

dont do it

You're never too old to change things, or at least some things. Don't think that you'll never be happy because it's a high possibility that what you're experiencing is temporary.

I so feel you, yet I have had no prevail in doing so, nor I can't do so. as the consequences spiritually (in the afterlife) and physically are boundaries. But I don't have the full guts to do it. I am for one depressed with myself with low self esteem and don't feel I deserve to have this life at times, and my physical form is ugly, weird, fat, with many other prominent flaws. also being too shy, weird, & introverted considering these most honesty; and being really noticeable and bad which I don't fit in to this life. Which I tend to be sensitive at times, taking this real & in tears.

You still have plenty ahead

gr