Okay so this is a long one.... My bestfriend is a guy. We've been friends since we were small children. We've never dated/hooked up- we've always only been platonic friends. Anyway his wife has always hated me- and part of it is likely because I begged and pleaded with my friend not to marry her- I could see right through her, and what I saw was NOT good.
When they met she was a 19 year-old stripper who saw men as big giant wallets. With-in a month he was buying her EVERYTHING/paying her bills. I was shocked he could fall for her crap. Anyway- a month into the relationship she is pregnant. My friend wanted her to stop stripping- she said she would if he married her- they get married at the courthouse. A few months later the baby is born a month early. After the birth she seemed to have changed & it seemed like she really loved her kids. Fast forward a decade. They now have SIX children! She stays at home w/kids & he is in the military. On out the outside they look like the perfect family. However their youngest son got sick & he needs a kidney- they tested both parents/family members etc. It turns out that boy isn't his. He flipped and had a DNA test done on all of his children. It turns out FOUR of her children are NOT his!!! Including the daughter she was pregnant w/when they got married. His 2 year old daughter is his, so is his 8 year old son the rest aren't! He is in so much shock & I have no idea what to say to comfort him- he keeps asking for advice & I'm at a loss....
My best male friend just found out that his kids are not his... how can I help?
2016-05-27 12:26 am
回答 (11)
2016-05-27 1:06 am
✔ 最佳答案
You can't, really, except to urge him to talk to a counselor, and figure out what he wants to do.Otherwise, just listen and sympathize, but no
I told you so.
He needs to figure out whether he's father to his non-bio kids, none of whom did anything wrong, and whether he wants to remain married to his wife.
You can't answer these questions, only he can, when he's recovered from the early shock.
2016-05-27 2:08 am
Same thing happened to my cousin. They divorced. He got custody of the two kids that were proven to be his (the 2nd and 5th). All the rest of the kids belonged to the same "other" father that my cousin knew nothing about. He'd supported them all, loved them all. When they divorced.. his ex wife and his ex children (!) all moved in with the "other father". I don't think that there is anything a friend can say. Admit that. And listen.
2016-05-27 12:51 am
When you go into such a trauma
its good to talk to a total stranger ;; like a therapist [ he is in the army his therapy will be paid ] or a pastor
By yourself except listening and supporting his decision ;; there nothing else you can do
NOTE I cannot understand he fall for a dancer who are most of the time also a prostitute
its good to talk to a total stranger ;; like a therapist [ he is in the army his therapy will be paid ] or a pastor
By yourself except listening and supporting his decision ;; there nothing else you can do
NOTE I cannot understand he fall for a dancer who are most of the time also a prostitute
2016-05-27 12:40 am
He definitely needs to consult a lawyer on this. He has the option of adopting the kids that are not his, or starting a paternity search for the real sperm donors to have them do child support.
The first 1/2 hour with a lawyer is generally free consult.
The first 1/2 hour with a lawyer is generally free consult.
2016-05-29 1:10 am
Too late for him.
2016-05-27 12:15 pm
He needs help in several areas and although you are his friend and I feel that your friendship is important, you can only support him so far and are out of your depths here particularly as you have, rightly or wrongly a strong agenda regarding his wife. He also thought that they had a good marriage prior to these revelations and they both love all of the children, therefore he has a massive conflict of emotions to deal with, as does his wife. I guess the best way to resolve this horribly painful situation would be to see a marriage guidance counselor both individually and perhaps together. I cannot guess how this will be sorted out but the most important thing is that the children are not personally involved or asked to take sides.
2016-05-27 3:46 am
I'm a guy with 2 out of wedlock kids and a crazy baby mama who recently got sole legal and physical custody of my kids... so I know a thing or two about crazy bitches. Tell him to drop that dumb ***** asap. Kick her out of the house immediately. It sucks because he shouldn't really leave the kids, but he def should not pay to take care of them. Get an attorney and make sure that he retains custody of his 2 kids. As a matter of fact he should contact my attorney. She will ensure that he does not get ****** in this situation, because I guarantee the courts will not favor him, even though that chick is the one in the wrong. If that ***** wants to keep the other kids away from him that's on her, but he should make sure he's not paying child support for 6 kids when 4 aren't even his.
2016-05-27 12:41 am
I would just let him know that although you cannot possibly imagine what he is going through he has your ears, support, and love. Let him know you stand by whatever decisions he makes. He is quite invested in these four non-biological kids and I find it hard to imagine he will stop being their "father". Let him know he has people there for him.
2016-05-27 12:31 am
Legally, they are his. If he divorces his wife, he'll have to pay child support for 4 kids that aren't biologically his.
Dude made a bad choice. If he wants to be eternally destitute, he can divorce his whore of a wife. Or he could hang in there and try to make the best of it. This is a good example of why you should get to know people really well before you marry them.
Dude made a bad choice. If he wants to be eternally destitute, he can divorce his whore of a wife. Or he could hang in there and try to make the best of it. This is a good example of why you should get to know people really well before you marry them.
2016-05-27 2:02 am
You can give him an ebay account and put them up for auction. Kidding! No one would buy someone's kids from another baby daddy. Why not Netflix and chill? I mean, you're already in his relationship, so why not go after it. He has no kids he's leaving behind. You have a chance!
2016-05-27 12:44 am
What state is he in? If he is in Florida he doesn't have to pay support for the children that he is not the father of.
https://www.myfloridalaw.com/child-support-law/paying-child-support-not-the-father/
https://www.myfloridalaw.com/child-support-law/paying-child-support-not-the-father/
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