How is it possible that no man has ever or will ever sit on the edge of the sofa and masturbate?

yeah I hate it when I'm giving my husband oral and his penis rips off because he's sitting up. It's so embarrassing when that happens.
It's a good thing you have those super Santa Claus powers to travel the whole world in a single night and peep into everyone's windows making sure that they never have or never will reach orgasm while sitting up.

well i do it all of the time and i have suffered no ill effects from it

First of all it doesnt sound comfortable, theres a lot of more comfortable position that we will enjoy with. Just lie down or stand up, very basic yet very comfortable and not annoying.

Where is the time for all these things? When there are so many astonishing wonders happening in and around the world, who will bother about the idiot sitting idle in the sofa, doing nothing productive.