What to say to the guy i like?

Okay, I'll help you. Because you asked nicely.

Note: The info I'm going to give you is very effective and powerful, and you have to agree to never use this new power for evil. If you use my advice just to get some poor guy to like you and then stomp on his little heart, I'll find you. A guy named Yosamma Bin Something once used my advice for evil, and so did another guy Kim Jong ill once, and I found out and took care of them. And their armies were bigger than yours, so promise to only use these powers for good. Stop reading right now if you don't promise.

Okay, you promise. Good! First things first, you need to know how guys work. I'm a guy, been one all my life, so I'll tell you how it works for us. We're only attracted to the smartest and most beautiful woman in the room, no exceptions. And with us, the smartest most beautiful woman is always (no exceptions) the girl who just told us she likes us.

Seriously, no kidding, not even exaggerating, that's how we work. Let's pretend this guy is in a room surrounded by Playboy Playmates and professional bikini models, all in full uniform. Then you walk up to him, with your normal clothes covering your normal body, and tell him you think he's hot. Or just tell him you kind of like him, that's just as good. As soon as you do that, right that very second, you become the prettiest, smartest and sexiest woman in the room and all those other girls are total cows. Well maybe not cows, maybe average at best, but nothing compared to you. Again, not even slightly kidding. That's how we think.

But you don't want to walk up to a total stranger and basically throw yourself at him, because you're a classy girl and that's not how classy girls do stuff. You need to get to know him a little and get comfortable talking to him first. Then you need to flirt just a little and see if he flirts back, right? Right. I understand this stuff.

This is going to blow you away, because flirting with a guy is actually the same as just talking to him at first. In fact all guys only recognize four things with flirting, and we call them the Four Things. We're not very good with original names for stuff, just so you know, and two of them don't involve flirting at all. You start with the first thing, and progress in order to the fourth thing. And since two of the Four Things are the same as introducing yourself, I'll list them in order.

1) EYE CONTACT: Pretty self explanatory, really. When his eyes meet yours, don't look away immediately. You don't have to stare a hole through him, just hold eye contact for a second or two. That's all you need, nothing more. Trust me, guys notice this.

2) SMILING: Again, not rocket science. A quick natural smile is all you need, nothing more. A smile tells someone you're happy to see them, and it's more effective than anything else in the book. No guy has ever received a smile from a girl and said "I wonder what she means by that", in fact we all think "holy crap, that's a girl and she just smiled at me". Aside from when we punch each other in the face or tackle another guy and fart on his head, a smile is the only body language we understand.

3) TALKING: See, told you this wasn't rocket science. You start by simply saying hi a few times while walking past him, which seems difficult until you do it. Then you say hi again, then after three or four times you make small talk. The weather, that dumb thing the teacher said in science class, the latest trending vid on MTV, that crazy kid who got suspended for setting a fire in the bathroom... anything. It doesn't matter what you talk about, as long as you're talking. After you get past the small talk, you can learn each others' names and whatever. But it all starts with saying hi, so start with that.

4) TOUCHING: This one is deadly serious with guys, and I do mean deadly. It should even have its own page on the list, in fact. Touching is huge for us. If you watch any group of guys interacting, you'll notice that we don't touch each other. Ever. We don't even stand too close together, because accidental touching is still touching. Unless open combat or contact sports are involved, touching another guy is totally absolutely forbidden no matter what. That's how serious it is. So when one of you touches one of us, even innocently, we notice it right away. I don't mean grabbing his junk (while that would work), I mean innocently touching the back of his hand. A girl accidentally touched my shoulder once 23 years ago, and I still remember it even though I never found out her name. That's how serious touching is for us. Save the touching for last.


There you have it, now you know. With the information I just gave you, you can have any guy in your school begging for your phone number in under two weeks. Use this knowledge wisely. I would wish you luck, but now you don't need any.