How many times do I need to tell my cheating lying husband I hate and despise him for what he did to our family before he gets it.?

Once. He can't force anyone to "get it" and it's doubtful that he doesn't get it. He may simply think he can win you over again, or he may simply not care.

Either fix the marriage or divorce and move on. If you "hate and despise him", you need to do what it takes to get past those feelings for yourself. Carrying that kind of emotion inside you will eat away at you.

At least one more time, you still haven't got his attention yet. Pick up a big stick and hit him the head, now you have his attention. Tell him again

Once then out he goes with the rest of the trash

Must be how you're saying it. Once works for lots of people.

If you need more than once, he just does not want to get it. He is not going to change no matter how much you nag or complain. the ball is now in your court If you stay with him realize that this is who he is and how things are going to be. don't like it, time for divorce

You might be hitting you head up against a wall.. some cheaters never get the point of what they have done..

Narcissistic Personality Disorder- he probably has this. They don't feel empathy.