1- She's 20; she doesn't need a permission slip. It's quite simply not your decision any longer.
2- Engaged is not the same thing as married. And it's not a legal official contract, it's just a promise between two people. So even if she was underage, you couldn't really stop her from getting engaged because the two of them are the only ones who need to recognise it.
3- If she's been with him for two years, I'd say your ship has probably also sailed on convincing her that he's no good. *IF* that's the issue. You haven't actually said what specifically you're not happy about with her relationship, and what you said about your daughter doesn't raise any red flags for me. You haven't said much about the boyfriend, so I can only guess that maybe it's him you don't like.
I would anyone planning to get married at 20 that that is insane and a terrible idea. But if they were getting engaged (& planning to be engaged for a more or less "normal" length of time), I'd be happy for them. As long, of course, as the partner is a good person, good for them & with them, and all that sort of thing. But I would still never try to live someone's life for them.
If it's that the partner is an **** hole, I would try to gently let her know my assessment of the situation. (ie. that she deverses to be with a decent human being, and her partner does not meet that simple criterion)
If that is the issue, I sympathise, but if he's been around two years (and I presume you've made your feelings known already), it's probably something she'll have to learn for herself.
But, again, remember that getting engaged is not the same thing as getting married. (Would you rather them not get engaged now, but elope 2 or 3 years down the road?)
Engagements (at least with the people around me) tend to be either ~4-5 years before a wedding or very short shotgun-engagements. Some people are engaged for much longer, a significant number break up before they ever start planning the wedding, and eloping seems to be getting more popular too.
Basically, you can be supportive, or you can be the mother in law from hell and risk alienating yourself from your daughter.
I recommend the former. Especially since you haven't actually articulated what negative consequences you think will come from her getting engaged. What bad things do you think will happen? Are you just scared that your baby is growing up?
What any of us believe about her age and how right it is for her to be thinking of getting married is irrelevant. She's 20. She's legally an adult. You can't "let" her do anything, she makes her own choices.
You didn't really give any reason as to why her getting engaged at 20 would be a bad thing. To be completely honest, any 20 year old who has a full time job capable of paying her own bills, supporting herself, and affording a house has every right to get engaged. If they have been together for 2 years, I think it is safe to say there is a high probability that she will be marrying this man anyway barring some unforeseen incident. My only problem would be what does the young man do? Does he have good character? Treat her well? Does he have a full time job and can support himself? If the answer to these are yes, then there is no reason why you should oppose it. And to be even more honest with you, you may end up pushing her away if you continue to oppose their relationship. If there is not a LEGITIMATE reason to oppose their engagement, you should back off and let her make her own decisions. She is legally an adult and is actually far better off than most 20 year olds nowadays.
They already live together and surly sleep together and she is old enough to make that decision without you. I don't understand why you would want to stand in their way. You ought to be happy for her. Besides they really don't "Need" your permission or approval.
She's 20, and living independantly from you. What makes you think you have any say in her life decisions?
Your daughter is grown and making adult decisions like any adult should. While you may agree with her decision if she becomes engaged, be supportive as a parent should be.
You wrote: "would you LET your daughter get engaged at 20?" It's the word "let" that I want to talk about. Your daughter turned 18 two years ago, and became a legal/lawful adult. Your training period expired back then.
She has a 2 year relationship. They live together. She has started her adult life already.
WHY would you oppose an engagement? YOU'RE not ready? WHEN will you be ready? Is this related to when YOU got engaged?
You haven't given a single reason why she SHOULDN'T get engaged. Is there one?
Well if she's 20 than she's an adult and can make her own decisions. I don't think people should her married so early, they rush into it and then realize marriage is not all its cracked up to be. But you have to let people figure that out for themselves. People in Love are selfish and blind They will not listen to anyone that stands in the way of their relationship. Not that I believe this question but if its legit, your daughter will definitely want to get married more if you don't approve.
I do not see how you are opposed to this. Unless the man she is planning to get engaged to is a bad person, or their relationship is unstable, I do not think that you get a say in the matter. My sister got engaged when she was 18, and two years later, at 20, she got married, They have been married for four years now an have a very happy relationship, and a two year-old son. I beg of you, do not interfere. If you have worries, calmly talk to them about it, but do not try to ban their engagement. Your daughter is an adult, and she can make decisions of her own. Just because someone marries or gets engaged at a young age does not mean that they won't have a great relationship.
It wouldnt be up to me. Shes over 18 which is old enough to make her own decisions.
At the age of 20 she is an adult .With or without your consent she can get engaged to her selected partner . Moreover they have ben living together for 2 years . Both are employed and indepedent wich are two important conditions in planinmg marriage . Give her your blessings and guide them in fmily planning which may be lacking in them as both of them are novices .
Absolutely. She is not a child anymore. She is legally an adult. She is being very mature and paying her own bills and they have lived together already, so they already know that this will work. Let them be!
You're asking the wrong question - whether you would *let* your 20-year-old daughter get married or engaged. If she's over 18 you have no say about it. She doesn't need your permission to get married. You can advise her and counsel her; but in the end, your opinion is irrelevant.
At 20, they are adults, and can make their own choices. It is absolutely not up to you to give permission. You are allowed to express your feelings, and the reasons for that, but be prepared to have your daughter tell you to mind your own business.
My Husband and I were High School sweethearts. We both got married at 18. We ve been happily married 5 years now and been together for 6. We didn t have an engagement, and we eloped because my parents were VERY controlling. My husband is in the Army now and I m getting my degree. We have two beautiful little girls and I wouldn t change the choice to marry him for anything. At 20 your daughter is an adult and has every right to live her own life at this point. Even if she s making a mistake the most you can do is advise her because at the end of the day it is her life and her decision to make. If she s heading in a bad direction, you can advise her against it. If she makes a mistake (big or small) you be there to comfort her as her mother, but don t think for a minute that you can live her life for her or make her decisions because it will never have a good outcome for your relationship with her.
I don't know how you could stop her. She's of legal age and lives on her own and seems to be a responsible adult. You worry about something you THINK might happen, plus some engagements last for years. You don't say anything, positive or negative about her BF.
She's 20, living on her own, paying her own way. You have no right over her or how she lives her life. If you don't like they guy, voice your opinion, but you can't not not let her get engaged.
She is a adult, she doesn't need your permission. Furthermore, being against it just going to make them marry sooner.
If I was you, I would let the relationship run its course. It will, just be patient and wait.
It's not your choice to let her, or not let her get engaged. She's independent, and she's certainly old enough to make her own dating choices at this point.
Secondly, why not let them get engaged? They're not getting married, they're just promising to get married. Truly, it's not much different from being just boyfriend and girlfriend. Unless her boyfriend is an asshole, then there is no reason not to.
I agree that getting married young usually leads to higher divorce rates. Two years actually isn't all that long for knowing someone, so if you feel like this, then gently let her know that you think that she should wait a couple years, until she's completely settled in life. But in the end, it's her choice.
I would be happy for her if she was planning to wait a couple years before getting married, a little wary if she's planning for a wedding sooner than that. But all in all, you can't do anything except for gently voice your opinion, whatever it may be.
I honestly don't understand how you can be Ok with her living with her boyfriend for a year,
yet object to her becoming engaged to the same young man.
Your description of her makes her sound very responsible. She probably has good instincts.
Full disclosure: I was engaged at 19---been married for 40 years!
If they've lived together for a year now, I think the concern is a bit late. Obviously she's old enough to make adult decisions, and getting married is a solid decision. After all, you never know when a baby might come along. In some areas, they're already considered "common-law" married anyway, and would still have to go through a legal process if they separated and had to divide property.
You really don't have a say, she's 20. Are you even serious.
You have no say on whether your daughter gets engaged at age 20.
參考: She's an adult
She's an adult. She decides what she wants to do. Not the parent.
At the point she's 20, she doesn't actually need your permission.
Its not a matter of letting her because you cant stop her, its a matter of her having the mental awareness to make the best decision not based on her emotions. I married at 19 (divorced him at 29) & my oldest daughter got engaged at 19 but it only lasted a few weeks. After learning he'd preplanned their lives for the next 5 yrs & him becoming possessive after the engagement, she called it off. Yes they are still dating & talking about it but wants to do it when the time comes not because of a plan.
married no engaged yes for a year then I would hope they hold off having kids for 5 years.
參考: married at 18 first child at 19 13 years later raising three on my own wait get a career first Wish I had
Are you for real! Here is a young woman already living in a stable relationship and obviously financially responsible for herself by making good life choices.. Be proud of her and trust that she will continue to make good choices, and deal with the knocks along the way.
I know it can be hard to let your little girl go, but when it's time it's time. No need to meddle in anymore like back when she was 13 an had a sleepover with her girl friends and guy friends and every time they are about to kiss you barge in asking if they want anything to drink n stuff :D
Granted that she is an independent adult, you have absolutely no say over this decision. It would be a different story if she was still dependent on you. You said it yourself though...she pays her own way for everything. If she is mature enough to do that, she is mature enough to make her own life decisions even if you do not agree with them
You can't legally stop her because she is technically an adult, and since you can't stop her, its honestly better to support her
Of course she is too young, but there's not much you can do about it. It's not surprising given their current living situation and the fact she is not in school anymore. I'm sure grand kids will come shortly after, so you don't want to burn your bridges to make a point. At this point she's an adult and is allowed to make her own mistakes. Hopefully he is a good guy.
As a parent, there is nothing you can do except provide advice. No matter how hard you try, people in the end will do what they want. There is also a difference between becoming engaged and getting married. If you are concerned about her rushing into it, advise her to wait on the marriage part.
Engagements can last an exceptionally long time, and does not mean they will get married right away. I have been engaged for three years. My partner and I made the decision to wait until it is financially viable to get married. Getting engaged allowed us to transform our relationship into a more serious one.
We also waited because of witnessing other people become engaged early and marry right away. Rushing into marriage created incredibly complex situations. These people also rushed into having children, making them trapped when the relationship wasn't working out. Eventually these people learned from their mistakes. If your daughter ultimately rushes into marriage also, you cannot fight that either. She has to make her own mistakes. Trying to stop her may end up destroying your relationship.
At 20-years-old, a parent doesn't "let" a daughter do anything. She is an adult and can do as she pleases.
My advice to you is to not force your opinion on her. You could drive her away and never end up seeing your grandchildren. Be careful.
I don't see any problem with her "possibly" becoming engaged to a person she's been steady with for 3 years and have lived together for 1 of those 3 years. You indicated she has a full time job and handles her responsibilities of bill paying very well. And since they aren't even engaged yet, that may not come up for a lengthy period of time. She sounds very mature, and the type of daughter many, many parents would be proud to have. She's an adult and very responsible according to you. Let her live her life and try to support any decisions they make together in the future.
You could make your feelings known, but at age 20 and after living with him for a year, it is doubtful she would comply or even ask. How would you stop her unless something like legal age is 21 in your state and anyway this is going to cause an argument. She is going to marry him anyway, even if she has to wait till she is 21. Just wish her well. You can have a "good advice" talk with her, but make it nice and caring.
i would have been insisting they get married a year ago, BEFORE they moved in together. what is the difference to you anyway. isn't it better to know the guy is 100% committed to her by marrying her then just using her as a surrogate wife to clean and cook and give him sex without the benefit of marriage?
There are TWO topics here ...
First, I could not stop my daughter from getting engaged at 20 as she would have lived at least eighteen years already.
Second, if my daughter was to move in with her boyfriend before they become married, then she would be informed that she will not receive anything from the family financially unless she returns to the family home in 72 hours (or 120 hours if more time is necessary to travel back).
Well if she's 20 it's not up to you she can do as she pleases my wife and I got engaged at 19 married at 21 and have been together 32 years,
I do not see how you are opposed to this. Unless the man she is planning to get engaged to is a bad person, or their relationship is unstable, I do not think that you get a say in the matter. My sister got engaged when she was 18, and two years later, at 20, she got married, They have been married for four years now an have a very happy relationship, and a two year-old son. I beg of you, do not interfere. If you have worries, calmly talk to them about it, but do not try to ban their engagement. Your daughter is an adult, and she can make decisions of her own. Just because someone marries or gets engaged at a young age does not mean that they won't have a great relationship.
Umm.... why would there be any issue? I was 17 when I got engaged. We had been together a year when we got engaged and then graduated highschool together, moved in together for a year, then got married. We got married at the young age of 19. Still going strong too. Hate to break it to you, but at this point its not your place to "allow" her to do anything. Shes 20 and lives outside of your home. Unless you have a good reason you don't want them together then id say to just stay out of it. You've done your job there momma, now its time to let her make her own decisions.
I'm afraid you can't do anything about it if she is determined....what do you have agst it? She has lived with him for a while and the chances are they won't marry for a while.....if at all. Give them your blessing and always keep the door open if it goes wrong.....Good luck. Mo Ma and Grandma.....been there!
If she is responsible, and ready I believe I would. :)
Is this a serious question? I know your not going to like what I say but you re a moron. Your time to act as a parent was 2 years ago before she decided to live with a guy. She was a child- and in answer to those other morons who say at 18 you re an adult please don t give advice. At 18 you re barely getting to know yourself well enough to make life changing decisions. Should they get married? what difference does It make THEY ARE LIVING TOGETHER, did everyone miss this point?
Plenty old enough.
My wife was 20 when we got married, we've been happily married for over 7 years now.
Better than just living together with no commitment at all.
Jackie, Let's put it in a context that will enlighten you in a different way. You are 20 years old and you are in love. You are responsible, you pay your own way. You are living with your boyfriend, etc and you want to get married, but your mother doesn't approve?
Perhaps you are right, Jackie, perhaps she is too young to get married. We all make mistakes in life. Frankly though that is how you grow as a person. You make mistakes and learn from them. It appears to me that you have brought up a responsible daughter who is providing for herself and she has found love with someone who loves her. Instead of further simply living together she wants to get married to the man she loves. Isn't that what all mothers truly desire, for their daughter to find love and be happy? She is doing just that.
My suggestion to you, Jackie is to love her, and support her decision and get involved in the wedding plans. Get excited for her. She has found love and she is willing to take the next step. How would you have felt if your mother was against your wedding? I am sure, if would have hurt you emotionally and more than likely put a wedge between you and her.
Mistake or not, it's her life and the best way to learn anything is taking action for your life. Be there for her, go out shopping for dresses, etc, and shower her with love and you will receive the ultimate joy in return, a happy daughter. :)
Wishing you love & happiness throughout your life!
Jark Mann
Yes i would. I'm 22 and engaged, would have been much earlier if we coud have afforded it, we are pushing 6 years together. My own mother was married at 17. I see zero problem with it. Plus it's realy not your choice she is an adult you will have to suck it up. Honestly why can't people just be happy for their children's happiness these days? What is your daughter not allowed to be happy?
You're kidding, right? "letting" her do anything, isn't your task any longer. You passed that fork in the road, the minute she turned 18, unless she is legally incompetent.
If she's asked your opinion on the matter, tread carefully; that is, if you hope to maintain a relationship with her, and any children born of the marriage.
It can be difficult, to see a grown child, commit to something that is long term, especially when they see it as affecting only themselves. They're not looking ahead, say to traveling to their new family's home, 600 miles away on Thanksgiving, or inviting them to share in religious celebrations.
When we become parents, we see a tiny, helpless being that depends on us for protection. As they grow, it's important to relinquish, a bit at a time, the control we have, over how they dress, what they eat, the activities they choose, choices in friends, whom to love, and share life with.
At the age of 20, hopefully you're satisfied of the job you did, and trust her with the job she'll do with any grandchildren. You'll see that being a parent has just as many new starts for you, as it's done so far!
In the United States of America being 20 makes you an adult so parents do not have the right to say no.
She's of age. It's none of your business. If her boyfriend is good to her, and you have excepted him up till now...what's the problem? You should be glad I'm not your daughter. I left home and got married at 15 yrs. Untie the apron strings.
As a parent I don't think she is too young, if their relationship is good and the man has no issues I think it's fine. She seems very mature and I think is able to make well informed decisions, although this isn't your choice if you find out he has proposed to her I would have a heart to heart talk to her. But you must still remain outside of the decision making circle.
I am not a parent but my wife was 20 when we got married while I was 22. Me and my wife were together for 3 years before we got engaged. We met in high school and did the long distance thing and we are still together after six year and have been happily married for two now. We were ready to make that commitment. She is finishing up her bachelor's degree in psychology and I am going for my paramedic license, currently an EMT and applying for PA school soon for Fall 2016. Honestly, if she thinks she is ready, then she might be. Me and my wife were. However, if they have already been living together then they might just think that is the next step. It seems a little too fast, you don't fully know a person after 1 year and decide to move in. To me, it seems a bit rushed but the more you push and push and talk her out of it, the more she will want to do it because she thinks you are wrong and she will end up resenting you for not letting her marry. You cant stop her, but I would suggest talking to her about marriage and express your concerns without making her feel like you hate the idea and won't allow her to marry. Also, sit down with both your daughter and her boyfriend and ask them why they want to marry. If its not what you want to hear or its not the best reason, express your concerns, they might wait. But if he asks for your blessing, I would really sit down with him and talk to him individually about getting married but if her still wants to, give him your blessing. If you say no, they might elope.
She has her free will and is an adult. If there are things you see you're concerned about, between her,an her boyfriend,then talk to her about that. An if they are ready,an already living togeather an commited to eachother best to get married. An best not to live with a guy till she is married to him. An Jesus loves you,an them,us all,we just ask Jesus in our heart,forgive our sins to be saved,He is Faithful an Just to forgive us ,praise The LORD. An google Beth Moore a great Christian teacher to encourage you in Jesus. An good to attend a Christian Bible based Church,an John is a great place to read in Bible. May The LORD Jesus Bless,speak to, save you, them,family,friends,us all,lost,here,give good Christians in ya'lls path,work things for good an God's Glory,thank You Jesus amen shalom Israel,family. PTL
Have faith in God. Mark 11:22 God is a Refuge for us.Ps 62:8
ACLJ.org Persecution.org CBN.com more about Jesus,prayer,encouragment
參考: Word of God
Its alright if your daughter gets engaged at 20, she as adult has some rights and can move forward with good guidance.
i've had friends and relatives get engaged at 16 and 18 which is really crazy but it was only 5-6 years later until they actually got married and also i don't think its not bad because she sounds very stable and mature enough i dont think its for you to decide either so far it sounds like her life will be just fine, and its not that insane i plan to marry at 21-25 at least lol
No. But obviously you haven't talked to her about getting involved so young. Marriage is a lifetime or suppose to be a long commitment and if babies come... then it's a hardship if you pick the wrong partner.... Our families/society didn't always warn its daughters of giving their hearts away (never mind virginity) to any guy that sweet talks them or claims them... Life is too short to be unhappy... and one needs to take their time by exploring the dating world before settling for the first "pair of shoes" she tries on....
I think you over estimate your influence at this point. She has been living "as his wife" for a year now. Did you think it was platonic then? She is of age and can do, and obviously has done. what she choses. You, on the other hand, are completely within your right, not to approve, to deny any financial help, and to alienate both of them. There is nothing wrong with pointing out that you feel that is young to make that kind of a commitment, but legally, she can do as she wishes, and no doubt will. Just be ready to pick up the pieces when it falls apart, because chances are, it probably will.
It isn't your decision. If she is 20, pays her own bills, is in a long term, serious relationship, and spends her spare time home making rather than partying and drinking, you should be extremely proud of her. I am 19 and most of my female friends within that age range are party animals. Its hard to let a child go, but you NEED to. She is going to marry whoever she wants with or without your permission. Offer advice, support, and be available to listen if it doesn't work out.
Your daughters an adult living by herself,just remember love is love no matter what age :)
If she's 20 and on her own, you won't have much to say about it. What you do say, however, may get off the invitation list and begin an estrangement that will be hard to heal.
Engagement could last for a few days, to a few months to a few years, so don't worry about the marriage part if that's what you are worried about.
She seems mature, so I don't think it's wrong.
If she is ready, than yes.
I say this question yesterday, but written by the daughter. Why fishdid you Reesfeel you needed to fake that your mom was writing this? Your an adult. that includes making adult decisions like if someone proposes do you see yourself with them for the rest of your life?
By the age of 20, I cannot "let" my daughter do anything. It is her choice what to do after 18.
She is 20. Go ahead and try and stop her and you will lose your daughter for many years - Maybe forever. If you really love your daughter you will keep your mouth shut, get along as best you can with her fiance, and IF necessary pick up the pieces later should things fall apart.
Opinion: At the age of 20 it is NOT the parent's choice anymore.
There is no letting involved.........she is of age. I was 20 yrs. old and my precious daughter was 20. She now has enjoyed 25 yrs. of marriage and still loves him deeply........
It's not the right age to get marry.
You really can't stop her. She may ask for your blessing but you can not stop her if she really wants to get married.
off course u should ...dont be to protective
If it ends badly at least she'll learn
Shes over 18, she doesnt exactly need your consent at this point in the game. BUUT, Yes, if they have lived together for 2 years already then they have already acquired a way around each other, making them practically perfect for marriage already
You can't make her do anything. She is independent of you. You can make it known that you think she is young and you aren't happy, but you "letting" her get engaged is not your job anymore. She is the only one who can decide if she is engaged or not.
Yes it is a little young but maybe instead of saying that you think she is too young or not mature enough or anything like that you suggest a long engagement. Nothing wrong with being engaged just married young as statistics are against you on that one. Some make it work, most don't. So a long engagement might help her really work it out.
What you think is irrelevant. She's is 20, self-supporting/sufficient, and she pays her own way. When she gets married is not up to you, it's up to her. I was 15 when I started dating my husband, and I was 18 when I married him. We will be married 25 years the coming September.
At 20 you are a legal adult. This would not be my preference for my kids- I think your early 20s are a period for major personal growth- but it would be their decision to make.
I got married at 20. It was 45 years ago. Still very happily married.
This is what I think you should say to her: we love you. We might not think that you should get married at age 20, but we trust you to make good decisions for yourself. This is how we can help you with the wedding (e.g., we can hold it in our back yard, mother can bake the wedding cake, we can contribute x amount of money).
Don't screw this up. Really.
My grandparents (yes I understand that was a "different time") started dating at 13 and got married young, they've been together for over 50 years. She's an adult and the best you can do is talk to her and make sure she's fully committed to him and the idea of marriage. Other than that, they're happy and in love. This could be her happily ever after, and imagine how heartbreaking it would be to have to pick between your happiness and her own.
Just be there to support her through her decision. The hardest part about being married young is not having familial support. You can't stop her from getting married, but you can make what should be a happy experience a difficult and stressful one. The reason you're concerned about her getting married young is clearly because you care for her. Express your worries and let her explain her reasons to you as an adult, but in the end, if she's set on it, show your love for her by supporting her through the decision, because not doing that will damage your relationship with your daughter.
Also, please get to know the future son in law! Show interest in them and their relationship. i'm sure she could talk about him for days, so let her and try to understand what their dynamic is like and where they're coming from. People can be at different stages of their life without being a corresponding age.
She is over 18 yrs old and legally an adult and you cannot stop her from being engaged or married. You may voice your opinion but that is all you can do. Leave them alone.
How would it be up to me to decide? She is an adult.
Well, cart before the horse for now. You don't know for sure that an engagement is going to happen.
If she's not living with you and if they get engaged, then there's nothing you can do about it. She's an adult and she can take care of herself. All you can do if they announce an engagement is wish her well, encourage her to make wise decisions, and remind her that if she's ever unsure about something it never hurts to wait. And cross your fingers for a "long engagement."
I would just grin and bear it, and stay on her good side (not saying that you have to jump up and down and scream about the wedding), because if you pooh-pooh the wedding then she's more likely to go through with it just to spite you. Plus, you want her to be able to come to you to talk if she's unsure about the marriage or the guy ... if you tell her NO then it'll just alienate her.
If she IS living with you and they get engaged, then it's your call as to whether or not to kick her out at that point. Ditto if you're paying for her college tuition. "Honey, seeing as how you're getting married, it's time for you to find your own place/take care of your own tuition. Let me know if you need help figuring out how to do this."
If they live together, it's kind of a done deal, isn't it? Unless you've been against the guy for the whole time and don't think he's good enough (in which case, she's going to do whatever she wants with her life).
I have to look at this from the daughter's point of view, as I am only 27 myself, and got married when I was 24.
Would you rather advise her to break up with him?
Too young? Maybe, but she is an adult and can do what she wants. If you oppose this she will go off and do it anyway, and in the process possibly cut you out of her life. Try and explain your position and reasons for not wanting fort her to get engaged this young, but always remember that she is 20 and still thinks she knows best.
OMG! 20!!!!!! She is an adult I wouldn't interfere in her life anyway. I would give her advices of course but never tell her what do what's not. She is a grown woman.
Um, yes. She would be an adult at the time. If she was 16, no, if she was 18, I would advise her to think about it, but she is 20 and she dated him for a year and has already been living with her boyfriend for over a year. Engagement sounds like a natural progression of the relationship. I would have advised against moving in first, I have seen it go bad too many times. My only objection would be if the boyfriend has shown abusive tendencies, then I would try to give her emotional support and advise dumping the guy. I would hope that after two years of dating, my daughter would know the guy well enough to make an intelligent decision about the man. To me, marriage means more than a piece of paper. It is a commitment to someone else. I am linking my life to another, I am creating a family of two, him and me, choosing my other half. I am making an incredible life choice. It is IMPORTANT. I am important and who I share my life with is equally important.
I trust my son. I hope he can find the right one to share his life with when he is an adult. Trust your daughter. She sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. Trust in the way you raised her. Love her and trust in her decisions. You will both be happier no matter what life throws your way.
參考: Married 10 years to a great guy. (Now widowed) Multiple siblings married. Multiple friends who are married. Friends that have been hurt by moving in and the relationship went sour and the breakup hurt more than just dating, Living with someone makes for tighter ties than just dating and they hurt when they break.
Yeah I'm not always happy about all the decisions my children make either. But once they re hit 18 they're legally adult and we don't get to 'let' or 'not let' them make decisions like this.
In any case, if they've been living together for a year now, presumably outside your family home, you're a) Way too late to object and b) operating outside your jurisdiction. The most you can do is offer gentle advice if you think you can do this without permanently damaging your relationship with your daughter.
nope. send her to college first
You want her to explore the world and live with freedom? Well then dont let her get married! I would say at least 25 and over!
Where do you hail from? In my country, 20 year-olds are legal adults, thus this would be a moot point.
I agree with you this is a quick trip to nowhere (stats on young marriages don't lie, and odds are strongly against her). But if she's 20 and financially independent, the issue isn't if you should "let" her. There's nothing you can do to prevent it. The issue is how to talk her out of it.
I do not see how you are opposed to this. Unless the man she is planning to get engaged to is a bad person, or their relationship is unstable, I do not think that you get a say in the matter. My sister got engaged when she was 18, and two years later, at 20, she got married, They have been married for four years now an have a very happy relationship, and a two year-old son. I beg of you, do not interfere. If you have worries, calmly talk to them about it, but do not try to ban their engagement. Your daughter is an adult, and she can make decisions of her own. Just because someone marries or gets engaged at a young age does not mean that they won't have a great relationship.
I'd discourage it but at 20 years old, I couldn't stop it.
I'm not against him. I like him and have always got along with him I just really am not happy about it and I'm scared she says yes
From a Western cultural point of view I d also have my reservations (she is ONLY twenty-how can she determine the rest of her life at that age,this is her first relationship-she needs to slow down,like most Western women her age ten years down the line she's going to wish she had taken advantage of her youth and freedom instead of tying herself down etc.she should keep her options open and so on).
However,she IS legally an adult whom does NOT need your consent or permission,and bearing that in mind,I think you should allow her to do as she pleases. They are only planning an engagement at this stage,and there's no saying on whether it will pan out or not,but she has to take this chance.
Try to encourage her to open up about her feelings and intentions-remind her that they need not wed to move in together for example,and that they need not rush into things. But whatever her reasons the best thing you can do is promise to support her no matter what happens and as long as she is happy and content so will YOU be.
Im not a parent myself but have seen time and time and again how this approach works best for ALL involved.
Good luck!
no. you are bad parent if you do that. i do not suggest you at all. engage mean your daughter is not to free like other.she is 90% belong to the man already. engaging early not alway work. usually they end up apart at the end. i mean in anything. she can not be free like other people who are not engage. however if you are american or black american people i think no need to open question like this. Because american don't care about it, 85% asian parents do care it alot. if you are a good parent you will let your daughter engage at 25 and 27 or 29 get married. good luck hope it help.
Its okay to be paranoid. Letting go of children can be very difficult, even if they live their own lives, as parents are naturally designed to watch out for them.
Married at 20 means like 50+ years of togetherness at least which can be hard if one hasn't had enough exposure to life to mature enough.
However, some councelling between both sides of parents could help postpone a marriage even if there is an engagement. That way there is always room to wiggle out if being engaged didnt work out a year later. Take it as a test drive.
Parents agree to marriage with a starting test drive.
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Marriage, like life, is a cycle of ups and downs. It's easy to say your marriage is in good health when the world around you is prospering, but when your fortunes turn and your world is in hardship, how you interact within your marriage can often paint an altogether different picture.
I would anyone planning to get married at 20 that that is insane and a terrible idea. But if they were getting engaged (& planning to be engaged for a more or less "normal" length of time), I'd be happy for them. As long, of course, as the partner is a good person, good for them & with them, and all that sort of thing. But I would still never try to live someone's life for them.
I agree that it is quite young but she sounds like a very mature person. If you are worried, why don't you talk to her? This would be a much better idea!
your problem is in the question. it is not your job to "let" her. Is it advisable? No. Do you have any control? No.
Let her make her mistakes. Some people have to learn the hard way.
It's her choice. You are welcome to support her and inform her of potential obstacles. Marriage is a very big event in your life, so it's not a good idea to take it lightly.
If she's only 20 and already paying her bills, then she's well ahead of many people I know.
Nope, and I am not a guy or a parent.
Its too young and chances are she'll get divorced. Trust me, I met so many people that were young and got divorced.
They aren't ready and one fight would probably make them made and BOOM, a divorce. So simply just say "No."
its not hard, maybe she will hate you for the rest of your life but its for the good anyways.
P.S. And do you really want a girl to get pregnant at that age?
Your daughter is not chattel. She's a grown adult and you have no right to dictate what she does
Yes. She is an Adult. You are being overbearing. It is her life not yours. Time to trust that you raised an intelligent human and stop smothering her, unless you didn't instill proper values. Go ahead tell her she can't see what happens next.
At age 20 she is a legal adult and can do what ever she wants.
At this age, it's her choice. Honestly the way you described her, there just doesn't seem to be a reason it should bother you. Yes, she's young. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. They're old enough, just be happy for them
Just think about this.. She's very happy with him and she's an adult now, as long as she's not under your roof she's not so much a responsibility anymore. If she's old enough to have a full time job and pay her own bills then she's old enough to make that choice for her self. Just hope he's a good guy for her good luck!!! And if that is the case don't be that mother in law no one likes!
I think it's a bad idea to get engaged that young, as her brain hasn't fully developed yet. A lot of women that age are too busy fantasizing about the Victorian style house with the white picket fence and the three children in the yard, without thinking about the long-range implications of a marriage. But, considering she's 20 years old, all you can do is give her advice. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
If they truly love each other, and since she's matured already, then yes.
Hey, she's 20. You may not like her settling down this early much, but the time for telling her what she can and can't do has kind of passed :).
It's her life not yours.. so you really don't have a say! But if you want to keep a good relationship for her I would just support her in this if it's what will make her happy, because she's going to do it with or without your approval.
She's over eighteen, so she don't need Mummy's and Daddy's permission no more. She could ask for their advice, and they can offer their advice, but at twenty, that's all it'd be- (advice!) At twenty years old, she's an adult, so they can't stop her. Peace and love. Be lucky.
She is 20 so you really have no say in what she does. Cut the umbilical cord before you lose her completely.
I'm 21, got engaged at 20 and will be married at 22. I have been with the guy I'm getting married to for 6 years. Yes, he did ask my parents permission to ask me to marry him, but ultimately it was not their decision. I would have married him if they said no. Parents think they have control to tell their children they can't do something, but ultimately the children will do it if they want to. If I was you, I would talk to her and tell her your concerns and find out hers. If she wants to marry this man, she will, no matter what you say. The best thing for you would be to support her in whatever her decision is and let her know the concerns you have.
If they're living on their own and no support from you she's doing well. I mean so is he if after 2 years & she is still with him. The fact that he is responsible enough to maintain a home says a lot. Let her be and let her be happy. You shouldn't stand in her way, just be happy for her.
It might not be a great idea, but once she's 18 she's legally an adult and can marry without your permission.
I am 20, and I can just say that if I was to get engaged tomorrow I know it wouldn't last. You can only advise your child and support them but realistically I hope they learn it might not last!
I will answer your question from a different perspective.
I am 21 years old and was married June 8 of this year. Unlike your daughter I didn't know my Husband for two years let alone lived with him for a year. Yes, that did come as a shocked to my mother. But she has come around, why?
Because like your daughter I have an older soul. I don't go out and party-I choose to be with my family.
I fell in love with my Husband the "second date" (what I would call our first official date). We BOTH knew instantly that we were meant to be together. And I couldn't be any happier because I married my best friend, my soul mate.
Like I've seen in other post, you, as mother, no longer have a say and that is what freaked my Mom out the most. But isn't that the part of parenthood? You spend their entire childhood raising them the best possible way.. Teaching them the wrongs and rights of the world and once they turn 18 (or 21) you let them go to prove to you that you did a great job.
The worst thing you could do is not support her. As I told my Mom, "I don't expect you understand but I do expect you as my mother to support me." Unfortunately she did not, and she didn't attend my wedding. She within the last couple days finally met my husband and her exact words were " You guys look like your in love, and I'm happy for you". She was in tears because she didn't attend her only daughters wedding.
Don't make the same mistake. It's not worth it and even if your daughter forgives you she will never let that feeling or memory go.
You may not consent to your daughter getting married at this age, but is she legally of the age to decide for herself? As a parent you wish to protect her, but she has to experience her life - good or bad. Remember the adage: "experience teaches wisdom." I
Though I am not a parent myself, my older brother got engaged in his early 20's. I believe it is a fair choice as long as they have a strong bond and known each other for awhile.
I'm sorry but you lost me at "let" your daughter get engaged at 20. she's 20!
not really your choice now is it?
She's 20..whether or not you like it, it's her choice. If you make her feel uncomfortable about it, you will probably be left out of a lot of details, such as wedding planning.
She is an adult and you can't do much to stop her from doing what she wants to do.
If they're in love age is irrelevant really. Also, if they want to marry they will, so just be happy for her and be there for them, wether or not it happens at the time you want it to.
to be blunt it's really not your decision to make. She's 20 and she old enough to make her own decisions. I say try and be supportive no matter what and see if it works out.
Twenty-year-old girl in my opinion, appropriate for a wedding. Sometimes twenty-year-old girl to marry again is not suitable, so you have to understand what your daughter is not.
uhm ...shes old enough to do what she wants.
Think that it is her life and u really don't have any control over her..but I do agree with u..she is only 20 she's doesn't really know who she wants to be with for the rest of her life..and they have also only been together for 2 yrs..I think she should wait a few more years till she gets married...and what if the guy turns out to be a complete a$$hole to her ..she might think she knows him...but u never ready know a person ..I just found out earlier this morning that one of my friends just was murdered by her husband..she was 20 and he was 22 wen they got married and before that..they have known each other for 7 years..I heard that they got into an argument and the guy stabbed her several times..I'm not saying that her boyfriend or w.e will do the same to her I'm just saying that she needs to wait a while till she knows who to settle down with and she needs to live her life first before commiting to marry a guy that ur gonna have to wake up to over & over again for the next 80 yrs
I would let her. She seems like a very responsible young lady and she doesn't need her parents permission anymore. Times are changing and people get married younger now, that's just how it is
Well in my opinion yes because I have been through that already I got engaged at the age of 15 and had my first boy at 16 and the second boy at 18 w just have to put ourselves in our children's shoes because we don't want to make mistakes as parents ...The day that my kids grow up and they get married or engaged soon I will know what it would feel like ....Just support your kids and remember that we all learn from our mistakes
Hey I'm no one to speak but it seems like your daughter has things figured out. Living together for a year? dating for 2? paying her rent and bills? It sounds quite good to me.
You may give them a more time to see where the relation goes
Like it or not, your daughter has put on her big girl panties. Hard to accept, but it will be her decision and she will bear the consequences, good and bad. You've done your part to bring her up right and now you have to sit in the backseat. Just be there for her if/when she needs you and continue to give her your love.
I do not think that, at that point, the parents have control over this situation. I believe they can encourage or discourage all they want, but, the decision is with the daughter.
Well, after your daughter hit 18 legally you have no way of stopping her. Reallly you neeed too stop being so controlling - she is a grown woman capable of mmamking her OWN decisions. COntinuing to try and control her will probably not do your relationship any good
You're not paying her bills or caring for her anymore. She's an adult living in her own home so you can't really do anything about it.
Well, on the brighter side, a woman can be engaged for many years before getting married
As a twenty-two year old in your daughter's shoes I get where she is coming from. If she is old enough to live with the guy and pay all of her own bills then you really don't have much ground. If you have no problem letting her finacially support herself then you really can't judge her lifestyle.
okay, you even said it yourself that she's very mature for her age and takes responsibility very well; she pays her own way and seems to have her head on her shoulders, if you as a parent is confident about your daughter than you should be confident that your daughter will make the appropriate decision whether she says yes or no, support her in her decision but also guide her in the best way possible, this engagement or not is only a experience and a lesson learned and can only strengthen her. i hope i was able to help
best regards!
My best friend is/was like that. At 20 years old I was still in University (4 year program) but she had just finished her program at a trade school (2 year program). She and her then boyfriend both had stable jobs, lived on their own and paid their bills on time. They got married at 20 (he was 19!) and are still together almost a decade later. They have a beautiful daughter (conceived a few years into the marriage), a lovely home (that they own), nice cars, a puppy..... the whole package. They knew what they wanted early in life and didn't wait to get started on building their beautiful life.
I have another friend who is 29. She waited until after finishing college to get married. They bought a house together, had a child, etc. But they really didn't know what they wanted and expected the marriage to just "magically" maintain itself and are now divorced.
Age is just a number. It's more about the mentality. If she is in a healthy relationship and is otherwise mentally prepared to do this then why not? If your only reservation about this is age, then get over it.
she sounds like she has it together. and it all sounds great! seriously, some ppl have real problems. would you rather her be partying and hooking up and still living at home?
yeah, shes an adult, but i would advise her to think it through carefully.
If I were you I'd be happy for her and the fact is she's already an adult and is going to get married one day whether it's in a few months or a year.
explain to her your concerns, then drop it. she's old enough to make her own mistakes.
At that age, what she wants is more important. She's of legal age and mind
She has lived with him a year already lol lol lol lololllollol
Only if she is getting engaged to a Sophya tomato
Yes, if ONLY he treats her rite
The one thing that will tear a relationship between a mother and a daughter apart is a mother who isn't supportive of her daughters engagement believe me! She will be angry with you and it will take a while for her to forgive you! Don't break that bond or that trust! Be supportive and know you aren't in charge anymore, you are a best friend, and a confidant when she needs you to be! And an engagement is when you need to be supportive and caring!
I was engaged to my husband after only dating a year. We moved in together after 6 months. I was only 19 at the time. We were married 3 months after the engagement. I was 20 then. I am 29 now, still married we have 2 children 7 and 4. I am still very much in love with my husband. There were many many pople who told us we should wait until I was older, but he is 10 years older than me and I fwlt I was ready. I wasn't a partier, most of my friends wer and still are at least 4-5 years older than me. I have never felt comfortable around people my own age. If your daughter feela ready than it is her choice, not yours.
There is not much you can do about it except encourage her to wait till she is at least 21 years of age though an ideal age is 25 years or plus - it doesn't matter how she behaves she is still that age though you could also try talking to her boyfriend and just because he asks her to marry him they could just stay engaged for many years who knows
參考: Me
It's none of the parents business
參考: Black people that stink
You do not have a choice, she is legally an adult.
yes, why not?she is an adult.
Good qsn.
a long age bfr wedding happens at 17 to 33 age
++ it is fine to have 24 age is better mature age, actually,
so try convience them to become a more bold. and tell her . at a matured age child birth will be more stronger more powerfull
// ...
Like you have any say in it. I hate these parents who want to run their children's lives after they become an adult. There 16 year olds getting married what makes you think your 20 year old can't
Yes!
She is mature and dosent need permission
If you like this man then you should let her, she is 20 and if she is ready then why not? If she really loves him then you should be happy for her. Unless he is a bad guy, which you should warn her but you can't tell her what to do. You can only give her advice. It is better to get married now then watch her go from one man t the other. If he is the right one for her don't interfere. Plus they could get married at 21 but only get engaged now so that will give you time to adjust
oh gosh that will end badly if you don't see them being like high school sweet hearts tight couple.My brother (whispers) divorced after the weeding like 5 months later it was a SHOCK they where so tight and i was suppressed literally divorced over 2 months of plain fighting and disagreeing she walks out like it never happened TISK TISK lmao
yes because she is over 18 then I think she can do whatever she wants
Only if she is mature enough to realise what she is doing. If they love each other then why not. People used to in the olden days and are still married at like 70 years old.
I myseld as a sixteen year old teen wouldnt even think about getting proposed at that age.
What on EARTH do you mean with "LET"? SHE'S AN ADULT!! GOOD GRIEF, LET GO OF HER!! IF YOU'VE BEEN A GOOD PARENT, SHE'LL BE ABLE TO MAKE HER OWN CHOICES THAT ARE GOOD FOR HER! NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GET ON WITH YOUR OWN LIFE!!
Love is love, if they're happy!
Your daughter is 20 not 10 she can do whatever she wants and you shouldnt be " letting " her to do things thats just dumb
second depends what she wants to do she still needs to study but it would be ok if shes not planning kids
Why not. At 18 she is considered an adult. She should make her own decisions on this. Hostility from a parent is not going to hellp
20-30...people change night and day. Don't do it.
yeah i would encourage her to set a date 10 years away though lol you cant stop her just keep telling her she has time to have a beautiful wedding that she deserves and that she needs to save for all the stuff shell want
It depends, if she is mature enough then I would let her get engaged,she IS old enough but if she isnt mature enough then no. You have to make sure she is mature enough and can make her own decisions.
At 20, she is considered an adult for most activities, and she certainly does not legally require your approval to get engaged.
my mom had her first child at 18, she want stupid, it was just custom in russia to have a family so early, and she wasn't a train wreck like on 16 and pregnant, she was actually extremely smart about it, i trust that if you have taught the correct values and importance of responsibility then yes. but yet again that russia in 1985. use your judgment, if you push the idea away it will cause her to not listen to you and maybe even contradict what you want. So attack this with care and comfort, support her yetdont restrict her, get your views across in a nonassertive way
talk to her about, ask her if she would say yes or no, though the boyfriend would ask the parents permission before, if she loves him, let her go for it dont stop her from loving
yes, why not? She's in love? Confused by this silly question.
My mum got married at 18 (it didn't last).
However, my sister has been engaged to her partner for 3 of the 5 years they've been together (she's actually 22 rather than 20). If I were my sister's mother I wouldn't have any objections. Her fiancé is the nicest guy you'll ever meet and my sister is the nicest girl you'll ever meet. My other two sisters however. . .
Why wouldn't you? You need to respect your daughter as an adult.
in a couple of years maybe
its really none of your business if she gets married at age 20 which is a grown adult and should be able to make her own choices! I feel deeply sorry for her!
Letting your daughter get engaged sounds phony. You let her date, now you still want control.
Let her have her life. It's called life.
I have a daughter who got married and had tow children beginning at that age. Unfortunately the marriage only lasted four years but she brought the two loveliest grand-kids, one boy and a girl who are now 13 and 14.
After their divorce the kids spent the first 11 years with her mom and by distance, near us where I got to spend a lot of time with them then after that they went to live with their dad and his new wife who happens to be a wonderful lady and thus far an awesome stepmother.
Point being life is not perfect and you do not have full control of any part of it even though you might think that you do, that's just not how the universe works.
Your daughter is of age to make her own decisions unless she is not mature enough for whatever reason.
Yes, that's a great age to get engaged.
My cousin got married at 20 (actually just last month). It's not really my place to judge her decision, and I'm pretty much cool with her getting married.
no!!! Tell her explore her options
Im 20 and my mom would be fine with it. She approves of my boyfriend and even told me she would offer to show him/give him one of the rings of his choice in her vault at the bank. She has a few really beautiful diamond rings suitable for an engagement ring if he wants to propose but can't afford the right ring. when the relationship gets more serious in the future.
Seeing that she is independent and takes care of herself it doesn't really seem like she needs your permission. She can do whatever she wants.
Do I think it's a good idea? No.
Do I think you have any say in it? No.
If my son stays in the Christian faith and meets another committed Christian and I could trust the relationship and we have sought God's Will, I would give it my blessing. I got married at 23 and it has gone well. Young marriages often have problems, but it's nothing God cannot overcome.
I don't know what the laws regarding being of legal age are in the U.K., but if she's still considered to be a minor, then you probably have some control. If not, then there's nothing you can do.
Engaged to be married, Yes because I'm yearning to see my grand children.
Listen if hes no good for her then tell her your suspicions.. My grandma and mom had to tell my aunt about her future "husband" who got into drugs and stealing right after they got married! Tell her now before its too late!!!
Now a days no one is depending on others. Independent nature is most important thing. so let it be free.
What s important is, is your daughter happy marrying at the age of 20? She is now 20 and I don t think you still need to tell her how to do. If she s happy marrying that person, I think she ll just become more responsible in her own ways as she understands the obligation of being a wife.
its a little young but i dont see why not! In my culture, girls get married very young. I have a friend who was engaged at 14!
engagement does't mean marriage. and let time tell your daughter the truth. Put some obtackles between engagement and marriage, to prospone the time. suggest her responsibility should be taken, once in a marriage. and state what sorts of responsibilitirs they are. let her doesn't rush to the marriage only based on a moment of happiness, dreams; also can wake up to the truths. and most important, don't let it ruins the relationship of u too.
A lot of kids learn by example. So my question is, how old were you when you became engaged?
She's 20 you can't control her actions and she sounds responsible enough.
It depends if the guy will protect and look after her. If he will then yes it is okay.
As long as she is older than 18 she can do what she wants. As soon as I turned 18 I left my parents house I didnt want them to
keep making decisions for me. When I got married which was at 23yrs my parents begged me to no get married not because I wasnt ready but because they didnt like the groom If I let there intruding to be acceptable I would not had married that man that makes me happy.
She's grown do what she wants
Well she is an adult and has every right to take her own decisions but I understand that being her mother you care about her. You can always advise her, letting her know that you care about her.
In my opinion I think that a person should get married when they know they can afford to make a mistake. Marriage is a complicated responsibility and as her mother it would be best to trust her and support her decisions and be there for her when she needs help. Good luck! :-)
Shes 20 she can make her own decisions. If you trully feel she isnt ready talk to her about it stating your reason but just saying...You cant force her to say 'no' anymore.
if you're not supporting her then she can do what she wants
in this country......they can do anything they want at 18..................
She's 20 and has a job. She doesn't need permission.
in China, girls are permit to get married at 20, but in my city, the average age of get married is 31, apparently get married at the age around 30 is the megatrends because it will make marriage life be more steady, if I have a daughter who insist to get engaged at 20, I will suggest her to take time to reconsider it and let her make dicision herself, but I'm sure my parents will not agree this case because I'm in college when I was 20
If they are truly in love then yes. My mother married at 19.
Yolo. cmon lets live thats all that matters at the end of our lives is that we lived it to the fullest
She is over the legal age limit, so you can't stop it. Cut the apron strings, let her live her own life, that includes...make her own choices....even if those choices turn out to be mistakes.
Sure. .she is living with him now.. might as well get married.
You really can't stop her from getting engaged. If they've been together this long and they love each other, then there's absolutely nothing you can do about it so you might as well just give it up.
She shouldn't need her parents permission, just their blessing....
it's her life and she should be able to make her own choices. She is old enough to make her own mistakes and learn, but this could also be the best thing that she ever does!
- If she's 20, sorry but you have no say.
- since she's lived on her own, paid rent, and other stuff, then she can marry
- Trust her. Let her make the choice, other wise, you'll lose your daughter completely.
marriage is not what we run into because is a lifetime agreement well she is 20 she is old enough to make that decision but as a mother always support her that all she need
Once she is 18, she is her own boss and she does whatever she wants to do.
She doesn't need permission. She's over 18, even if she is you're daughter, she makes her own decisions now.
Edit: Let her grow up, let go. She'll figure out life as she goes. If you don't let her, she won't.
she is and adult now you shes been and adult for 2 years and you dont get a say in her relationship decisions
Yeah even at 18 if she wants to
our daughter got married at 20 and 25 years later all is well.
If she is 18 or more years of age she needs no ones permission.
She is 20 not 16. Sure she could choose who she likes to be with.
If she is in love then let her do what she wants she is grown
but out, its not your place to interfere. she is already letting this person bang her nightly using her like a girls gone wild teen age ****, taking pics, and what not. she isn't your little girl anymore. since she is getting plowed regular let it be legit.
Your daughter is an adult, therefore she doesn't need you to "let" her do anything anymore.
However, you can tell her how you feel about it, and she may take your feelings into consideration. If she decides to get married anyways, and not wait, then as her mother, you should support her. :)
she seems ready let her make her own decision. its all up to her.
What are you going to do about it? Hahaha...
You really don't have a say so legally but you can oppose morally and socially.
At 20 you can't stop her.
thats a good age to get engaged i mean if she's ready why not.
Is 20 an adult in the UK? If so, my advice to her is to tell you to "sod off" and she should elope with her fiancee, and make a separate life somewhere else. Extra points if the fiancee is a swarthey gentleman from a lower latitude.
Why not.........she's an adult and can do what ever she wants.
You have no control over her. She is own her own! So you have no say in it, you bad mom!
If it is what she wants, let her have it. Not letting her do what she wants which she can because she is an adult. You may end up losing her.
Lots of love and luck. Focus on being happy for her.
O don't see what the problem ia
If i had a daughter i would let her only if she is as responsible as your daughter. I would tell her "what's the rush? you can go to school and develop a career". But i would understand the "life is too short" concept.
for me having 3 sisters, as long as they are happy with the man they are with, go for it, let them getting engaged, but the moment I see tears in my sisters' eyes, I will find the guy and beat the crap outta him
I would have absolutely no say in the final decision. But, I will make my personal feelings absolutely clear.
She is over 18, its her choice.
Sounds like she is an adult to me. Especially if she has a job, pays her own bills, etc. At some point the cord has to be cut and she lives as an adult and makes her own decisions, including marriage.
not a parent but I feel people should wait till 25 because supposedly your brain doesn't biologically change drastically when you reach 25...studies show even late teens brains are play dough and you're brain isn't even adult form till 20-21
Sure there are no rules here
No engage her first focus on her studies than get further steps
i would let her! If it's a mistake she'll find it out herself. But I think if they have been living together and are really I love with each other you should let them:))
"Let"? Did she say you get a vote?
You don't have a choice. She's 20. She can do what she wants you could try and get her to not do it by talking her out of it but you have to be very light on that. Ethically if he is the first / second guy she dated that it is probably a bad idea. But if she is really in love with this guy (I hope he's a guy) be cool with it. Often times she would disown you if you try to control her.
Buddy you're too late with your question. YOU missed the boat back when she moved in with the guy. Unless he is bum, unfaithful, or drug addict I say you vote doesn't carry much weight now.
she dose nit live with you any more. if she was responsible enough to pay her rent and bills i think you should trust her to make the right decision and they have also been to gather for 2 years. i know its hard to let go but its not really your choice anymore.
She should be able to get engaged if she wants to its her decision because she is not a minor anymore
Yes, she is 18. She is an adult. And she doesn't exactly need your permission to get married. You shouldn't control her. Let her get married if she wants to get married.
Well if it's true love than let it be...
If she wants to marry at the age of 20 well then she can.
well they should be wiser when it comes to that subject
she is going to leave at sometime. plus she is 20 and sounds like she knows what she wants to do. plus she is only engaged right now give her some room to make that decision for herself. she sounds like a well rounded person and is taking it one day at a time. if you interfere with her you may push her away and make the decision earlier than she would have made it if you didn't interfere. you can only go so far with kids today. plus she has had you to make decisions for her every since she was born, its time for her to make her own decisions now. what ever she do will be right for her, on body is perfect so if she is making a mistake it will give her experience for the future.
IMO 20 is too young. However, she is now an adult. We as parents, cannot live their lives for them. Accept it, say a prayer for them and move on.
She is an adult, and does not need your permission. I know you may not want to hear it, as she will always be your little girl, but it's two years past time to let her go. She needs her own life.
Depends. Do YOU think your ready for her to get married?
Yes my brother is annoying and she might want a husband. And plus she might think you are a mean parent I would because I want my daughter do it so she can have a long time and a long life with her husband. Let her ok
Meet the guy, talk to him, see what he's like. You usually don't have a choice coz if you don't let her she's probably gonna hate you for the rest of her life, but like i said, get to know the guy, maybe he aint all that bad :D
If it's her choice. Not as though there's anything you could do about it anyway is there?
The temptation is to constantly try and steer your kids through their own lives. After all. You can see the pitfalls from a distance right?
But some lessons they have to learn themselves. And who knows! maybe they'll be together forever!
i don't think you can forbid anything at age 20. Just pray you have boys
She can do anything she wants at 20.
Yes .. it's time to let her decide .
she is 20, you have no say in it. but if you did....why are you upset over their getting engaged but you 'let' her move in with him?
My goodness I was married at 18 to a man of 22..We have a 60th anniversary next month. I felt we were more than mature enough to get married...Depends on the people involved I suppose.
It's ok for you to think this way but, now she's an adult. She needs to make her own decisions. If she's completely sure that this is the right guy then just support her.
I was engaged at 20 and married 8 months later. I dont think it is your decision to make. Let her live her own life! I am happily married and am very happy we decided to go against the norm!
If she pays for her own car and insurance, let her do this episode.
none of your business
they are old enough to make their own decisions ma
she's an adult, she can do what she wants.
They are already living together as if they were married dufus!If you couldn't stop her from shacking like a ****, then how do you propose to stop them from marrying?Let them get married.
No. I would tell the kid that wanted to propose to my daughter to wait until college is over and she is in a stable career.
Is this a real question? She's an adult, and she can make her own decisions, as you said she is mature, so I expect she is able to make good decisions. It's her life, and she makes her own decisions, of course you will always care but you want her to live her own life not yours, just be happy for her
Being a after your concern about your daughter is valid but she is 20 year old girl now and mature enough to take decision in this regard. You should support her in what she want.
your daughter is an adult. let her grow up, and dont control her life
Its to young uncle got married at 22 divorced at 30 then never got remarried again
I don't think you have any thing to say about it an sounds like she is doing good an loves the man acpet it an stay out of it
All that matters is that someone understands how much of a commitment marriage is and that they are marrying someone who is respectful and shares the same values with your daughter someone who she likes
well she is an adult, clearly responsible and commited, as a young female, i say let her make her own mistakes. engagement is not marriage yet.
being unsupportive is the worst thing you could do. just subtly say to take their time.pushing and forbidding - worst things. marriage is beautiful.young or not.much better getting married young than dating and 'fun'.
fun is superficial, a life partner is something true and priceless.i've had plenty 'fun'. trust me. let her be.
If she's legal and in love and is sure she wants to be with him then yeah sure, baring in mind anything can happen, my girlfriend of 3 years who I lived with for 2 years broke up with me out of the blue two days ago
The best thing you can do is talk to her about it and ask her how she really feels about this man. If she really loves him, then you can't stop her, but you can let her know that it worries you.
參考: Sister got married at 20 and has 2 beautiful kids and is a great woman
I am not one for living tighter when not being married. To be engaged at 20 wouldn't bother me as much as her living with her boy friend. Does he work and have a job or is she the bread winner?
This is where the term "responsibility" enters the picture. A couple this young hasn't evn mapped out a strategy for their own life much less someone elses. While there are exceptions, they are few.
I would encourage her to reconsider. That is quite young to commit. usually doesn't work out.
ALLOW ? What country are you from ? In the USA, she does not need your permission !
She is not a baby anymore, it is her life, therefore, she can get married if she wants to, you can't stop her, it's not right, I would let my 20 year old get engaged.
Their life, not mine.
I'm 19 and I know a couple who got married @18. Last I heard they had a lot of marriage problems and don't like each other. I'm not saying that's all young marriages but I think when you're that young you need to know that you truly love the person and that they truly love you. Idk, that's just the way I'd feel about it.
My mom married when she was 21!
And I'm fabulously fine.
Not to brag, but we're high class and we often go to a lot of trips.
:) If your daughter is happy and you think she's ready be supportive because nothing matter more than her happiness :)
You've "let" her do everything else. She's an adult, you can't stop her. She'll bump her head. Give advice and after marriage, stay out of their problems.
She's of age, let her alone.
She is an adult. Paying her own bills. You dont have a say.
Yes it is too young. Not ALLOW her to get married, and how do you plan on stopping it?
This is my very blunt yet honest observation of the world you are pushing. If it offends you, delete it. -- Society would like you to believe that it's natural for women to wait until the've had a career, played the field, had a few STDs under her belt, and become so independant that she can't fit a man into her life when she finally decides that she 'has time'. So she meets someone and it works for awhile. She's too 'smart' to get married now. They have a baby...with Downs Syndrome! Because she waited too long. Don't worry. Planned Parenthood is on every corner, and apparently making good use of the babies now. She and him break up, and she decides to use a sperm doner. Baby raised without a father figure. No commitment! Great example to raise your child with. My advice: Why don't you just calm down and let things happen?
Let her get married, but tell her don't get pregnant for 5 years. Because after 3-5 years he will be gone any way, and if he is not gone he may be a keeper. Longest time these marriages last is 7 years. If their not college educated the chances of them staying married for 7 years is slimmer than that. Tell her don't get pregnant bottom line. 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Don't bring a child in to it.
1. You are abusive scumbag and tyrant. She doesn't need your permission you wanker.
2. That's not your f***Ng business. Your no one to decide if she is too young or old. If you have complexes about your old age - thatd your personal problem. She is a mature woman. Live her alone and dont ruin her self-esteem. You right now exposed her as mentally disabled of something.
I see you I swear I will beat you to death. I swear.
But something tells your just a troll .
I do not think that anyone is mature enough to make that kind of decision at 19. However, she is not a child and I couldn't really stop her if she just got the idea in her head and was determined to do it.
I would just let her learn from the mistake though (When 6 months later, all the problems start) and after the marriage failed (because nearly ALL marriages that start that young do) I would help her get back on her feet for a while.
i am not a parent,though,I will not allow my daughter to get engaged at the age of 20,because girls should put the emphasis on improving themselves ,including reading good books,taking part in social activities ,learn some useful skills,and doing anything fun ang meaningful,but getting engaged with his boyfriend will distract the girl from her career goal and being an independent girl,she may start to rely on his future husband and gradually lose her individuality,what's worse,having a stable relationship with one guy will decrese her chance to meet a better guy ,and i don't want to see my daughter to be just another girl who is tied up with the housework and cooking meal for the family evertyday.I want my daughter to earn her a pricese life by herself.althouth what i said won't happen to every girl,I won't take any risk to put my girl in the bad situation.If i were the girl,I choose to be single ,hang out with guys but never sleep with them until i meet the right guy,and experience everything fresh to me.
Not everyone matures in the same way or at the same rate. Some young people have no clue how to maintain a relationship and truly plan a future. Others do very well as a couple and acquire teamwork with plans for the future. Since they've been together two years already, it sounds like she'll be okay committing. With all that said and done - it's your daughter's choice. Whether she learns from a mistake or lives with a blessing.... it's called life. We all go thru it. ⊙﹏⊙
For most parents it's like a nightmare when this moment comes. But for a parent it's important to know that your main role as a parent is to prepare your child and put all the values in that it will need to live a healthy, prosperous, loving etc.etc. life. If you know for yourself that you tought her all important values she will need in life, than there is absolutely no reason for you to worry.
As a parent you must be able to look yourself in the mirror, knowing without a doubt that you put everything you know, in her to make her succeed. If you feel you did your best than it should be enough, and learn to trust your child that she will go and practise what you tought her. Getting engaged doesn't mean that she stops being your daughter. If everything goes right she just becomes your best friend and that is a new value you must learn to handle. If you tought her well....stop worrying.
I think 20 is a little young to be settling down. But at that age, it's her decision. My roll as a parent is to offer my advice, and not to push.
Most of us on this thread are peasants, Less than $1 million in net gross assets. Still, If you insist in your implied support of your daughter's planned at least make it a no ribbons deal. Some girls fall in love with the wedding. Less than the marriage. Just have a magistrate hearing.
She's a grown a** woman she can get married and have kids if she d*mn well pleases. It seems that of the 3 of you she isn't the one that needs to do the growing up. Get some counseling for your control issues as well.
Parents- would you let Not everyone matures in the same way or at the same rate. Some young people have no clue how to maintain a relationship and truly plan a future. Others do very well as a couple and acquire teamwork with plans for the future. Since they've been together two years already, it sounds like she'll be okay committing. With all that said and done -..your daughter get engaged at 20?
Unfortunately she's at the age where she can make her own choices. At some point you have to let your child make her own mistakes and support her no matter what. I think your right to feel how you do: who in there right mind would be okay with a 20-year-old being engaged? But at the same time its her choice. Its her life.
my parents would let me get married at 16 years old or whenever i wanted i plan on marrying the love of my life when her turns 18. Your just to protective and need to let her go
This has nothing to do with you. You should be happy. You want her to wait so she can still have more fun and **** other guys like you did?
