✔ 最佳答案
The pastor can say whatever he wants but it is up to YOU whether or not you follow what he says. BEFORE you have sex with your husband you need to get checked with STDs and get the results. Then you need to get checked 6 months down the line and another 6 months after that. Honestly yes you should not have sex because then he is getting it not just from you but from her as well. If he wants to leave you because of that then you should consider getting a divorce.
Have you gone to an outside counselor? Pastors can be good but sometimes you need to speak to someone that does not know the family at all so has a impartial view.
If he is having this affair then I can tell you that this is most likely not the first time at all. He has probably had multiple ones over the years and you just didn't know.
ETA: If you are getting counseling and he is working to save the marriage as well then you have nothing to worry about in withholding sex. Now if he is not agreeing with the counseling and saying everything is fine after only a few sessions then that is the sign of a major problem. While you can want to save the marriage, HE has to as well. It takes both to make this work. This means he will allow you to question anything, view all messages, know where he is, and he has to earn the trust back. This takes time. BUT if he is withholding anything then you have to consider what is best for you, a marriage is NOT 50-50 it is 100-100 and if he isn't giving it then you get out before more problems happen.
Since you took the "right" to invite far more people into your marriage than your husband did, you likely have the "right" to do whatever else you deem proper. Not many marriages would be "saved" in this manner.
How about you sit down with your husband and ask him what he wants to have happen.
He had the affair because he wasn't getting enough sex from you and you think it will help to shut him off? How's that logical? All you'll do is drive him away.
Your pastor is trying to guide you because you went to your pastor for help.
YOU ... don't have to do anything the pastor says .. you can do it as you want to.
Your choice.
Your pastor is right.
You see, if your husband has sex with his lover AND has sex with you, where is the motivation for him to stop? He is getting what he wants, so there is NO reason he should stop cheating on you.
He will only stop when he doesn't like the price he has to pay.
Try not having sex with him. For a month.
If that doesn't stop the affair, talk to a lawyer about kicking him out, and DO so. It may or may not change him and make him give up this other woman.
You have the choice:
- either you accept that he cheats, so that you can have the security of A husband
OR
- you need to leave him and try to make it on your own. There WILL be child support, and the Courts will probably give you the right to live in the matrimonial house until the children are grown.
If you want your marriage the way YOU want your marriage, you may not win that.
Lack of sex with will definitely make it easier for him to Decide to leave. Not saying what he is doing is right but he may think, I need to choose between no sex cuz she's mad and crazy sex when ever I want.
Of coarse you can refuse sex with a cheater and be justified that it is the right thing to do, that does not mean you HAVE to, or that ether option will have any positive result for your marriage.
You need to find out why he is committing adultery, the cause is on his end not yours so the person that needs to fix your marriage is him by communicating to you and you both working together to resolve this issue. You can not fix your marriage by yourself since it is a partnership.
The correct answer is that you don't have to have sex with him if you do not want too. If he leaves for that, then why would you want him anyway?
Your pastor is a idiot ! Now a days, a little antibiotic does not clear up anything he is going to catch and pass on to you ! Your husband has already left you. It is not his decision, its yours !!! Chose you ! You deserve love and respect and he is not willing to give that to you anymore. Believe in yourself ! You will find love again !
Stop taking advice from your pastor and talk to a lawyer instead. You should be divorcing that scumbag you're married to.
And if you don't know that you have the right to say "no" to sex at any time, not just when your husband is fvcking around on you, then I'd like to know what century you were raised in.
What is with people involving the church in their personal life. You are married too your husband not your pastor. All your pastor can do is counsel you. But honestly in your best interest would have just gotten marriage counseling outside of your church. Also withholding sex from your husband is wrong so if you plan on doing that you might want to rethink that. Find out why your husband cheated. Till then before it aint easy being green!
Once a cheater always a cheater,he could have a nasty disease from the other woman so you don't let him near you, i would be serving him divorce papers,priests are hopeless at giving marraige advice,what do they know about it?
just leave.... im sure ur a great woman and a great person.... dont be with a scumbag who disrespects u the way this man is... just leave and i guarantee you u will find someone who will love and cherish u and be faithful
Stop being a sap. If you give him another, you're basically giving him a green light to cheat on you again - it's just that next time, he'll be much more clever about making sure you never find out.
Go out and find yourself the best divorce lawyer money can buy and start taking that husband of yours to the cleaners.
Sadly I would like to provide you with some recommendations but you seem to be locked into this church thing so you will unfortunately NEVER be able to address the core of your human problem here. Please open your mind to alternative thoughts (other than religious indoctrination), and you might just be able to help yourself from the comments of people on this site who want to provide you with advice. The fact alone that you are HERE other than at your "church" asking for assistance tells me that you need OUT of whatever cult you are trapped in or you are not very serious about "your problem". Please let us know of your true intentions...
Yes. You are under no obligation to be with your husband. If you had a regular intimate life before the affair, understand that the affair isn't about the bedroom. Honestly, you should kick him out. He needs to decide if he want to give up his girlfriend of give up you, the church and his standing in the community. As long as he can "keep" everything and have his honey on the side, he has not motivation to change.
A Pastor? what the heck does he know? what's the full story?
You need strayegy to your husban stop to cheating.
1. Give him right signal to stop it.
Like as yourself move out to your mom house or start traveling to give him what impact will be on his lofe if you go away. Then he will see absense of you and he shall take care of your mentaly handicappied son.
2. Then soon he will apologize and promise to end affaire and never reprat it.
3. Then put big condition to prevent further cheat, like as all his income and account shall be managed by you to cut off money use for chrat and save for family future.
4. Then he will comeback home earlier and love you again.
5. Otherwise, divorce him and file for child support on your handicappied son.
I think you are 100% within your rights not have sexual relations with your husband until he stops cheating on you. What he is doing shows a complete disrespect both of you and your marriage. To be honest, most people in your position would just leave their husbands if they did that because many view cheating as being unforgivable. I can totally understand you wanting to save your marriage, however there isn't much you can do unless your husband stops cheating. You haven't done anything wrong; he needs to be the one who realizes that what he is doing is wrong and change his ways.
參考: Has your husband admitted to cheating on you? Does he even care? Did you find out what made him cheat on you?
Yes your Pastor is correct you're husband is committing adultery which is illegal in every state not to mention a felony, also it's a sin so he's atomically going to hell when he dies, you should withhold sex from your husband, you don't know what diseases other women have not just STDS but AIDS as well... you need to think about you're health. what's more is why stay with a cheater? once a cheater always once, having sex with someone who sleeps around would be stupid so sleep in separate rooms. you should get a lawyer and divorce him but you said your giving him a second chance...so when he cheats again (which he will) then you will realized you should have listen to us.
Good Luck!
