anyone proofread my writing?

Long

2015-05-27 9:22 am

I participated to the 12th Green Film Festival in Seoul which was held from the 7th to 14th May. On one hand, it is an event that allowed environmental filmmaker to submit their video to the green competition and spread out green messages to others. The outstanding one will be encouraged by winning the price. On the other hand, audience can donate 3% the value to film development fund of the low ticket charge and given over a hundred of different topic of films from nearly 50 countries to choose. This is a good marketing to get people’s attention to the environment issues and raise people’s awareness.
River of Exploding Durians
I chose “River of Exploding Durians” filmed by Malaysian director Edmund YEO screened at 1630 on the 14th in Cinecube. This film revolves around the protest against a construction of a rare earth mining plant built locally in a seaside town. It centered around secondary students Mei Ann, Ming, Hui Ling, and their history teacher Ms. Lim and developed out of some sensitive issues to Malaysia.
Begin with Water
Everything, as the title shows, started from the discovery of a rotting boar corpse next to the rubbish filled river. The fish business of Mei Ann’s fisherman father went from bad to worse. Fishermen could hardly fish recently due to the noise and vibration made by the construction since testing for the operation, it scared away the fish and disturbed the habitat. The townspeople considered the earth plant as the cause of poisoned fish and made the fish farm closed down.
About the Plant
A loud pile driver sound from the construction site with the shout out of the protest against the rare earth plant disturbed the peaceful and quiet litter town. The Malaysian corruption government ignored native livelihood and approved an Australian company to set up their rare metal mining plant on the coast locally while the application would never be accepted in their own country because it is a potentially radioactive process and thre

回答 (1)

Duncan

2015-05-27 2:56 pm

✔ 最佳答案

~ I participated [in] the 12th
~ On one hand, it is an event that [allows] environmental filmmaker[s] to submit their video[s] to
~ On the other hand, the audience can choose from over a hundred films of different topics from nearly 50 countries, by donating 3% of the value of the low ticket charge to film development fund. [rewritten]
~ This is a good marketing [strategy/tactic] to get [people paying more] attention to the [environmental] issues

~ by Malaysian director Edmund YEO [and] screened at 16:30 on the 14th in Cinecube.
~ [The plot is] centered around [three] secondary students
~ and developed out of some [issues sensitive] to Malaysia.

>>> using historic present consistently to give a vivid impression <<<

~ [The story], as suggested by the title, [starts] from the discovery of [the rotten remains of a] boar next to the rubbish filled river.
~ The [fishing] business of Mei Ann’s fisherman father [has gone] from bad to worse.
~ It [has] scared away the fish
~ The townspeople [consider] the earth plant as the cause of [fish poisoning] and [close-down of the fish farms].

~ A [loud sound made by] the pile driver from the construction site [mixing] with the shout out of the protest against the rare earth plant [disturb] the peaceful and quiet little town.

~ The [corrupted Malaysian] government [has ignored] native livelihood

Hui Ling, the class monitress, [organizes] a student petition [against] the government’s decision.
~ [It] is however confiscated by the principal since this is a non-exam-related activity.
~ is hidden by the company [claiming that he has] died accidentally.
~ The company seems [to have tried hard keeping] the bad news from [the] public, the death of 3 people during the 2 years when the plant has not opened.

~ After she finds the situation has not improved, she makes Hui Ling and the members spray their opinions on the site wall and burn the folders.

2015-05-27 14:33:14 補充：
超過字數限制

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