feeling depressed?

We have no way to know for sure that this is the end of the relationship, but I gather that for the time being at least, it's best for you to leave him alone. I'm sure this is rough, but I have some ideas that people in this kind of situation have said helps.

People have told me this helps. If you can't stop thinking about someone, you can at least get control of your thinking. Reserve a time for thinking about this person, such as after dinner while having coffee (decaf if you have insomnia). Think about the person whichever way you care to, but put him away when you're finished, when the timer goes off or you've finished your coffee.

If nothing looks fun or interesting, try doing a complete inventory - see if you can find just one thing you enjoy. If there's one movie you like, watch it. Then, get things that are like it in some way - similar story or the same actor. Keep adding to your entertainment cache and giving it variety.

If it's over between you and him, it's just a matter of time until you find someone else. No matter how long it takes to heal, the heart isn't broken.

Your chance of pulling through this is *excellent* Only a very small fraction of depressed people attempt suicide. But to be on the safe side, I like to include information on coping in a moment of crisis.

The most important thing is what you should do in a moment of crisis, and this is to slow down and get calm. I'll tell you more about that, but first I'll say that, even if it seems that this can't end, it will. If you have a suicidal thought, don't get involved with it. See it as the working of a sick brain and it will go.

I'll show you a video by Marsha Linehan, the psychologist who founded a treatment aimed specificaly at helping people with suicidal tendencies - people who repeatedly do dangerous things, abuse drugs and attempt suicide. Her program has been very successful.

This is something important for you to know, because it will make you feel better and because whenever somebody is depressed, we worry about them doing irrational things. There's one thing that's amazingly simple but it works. When you're very upset, breathe *slowly* and *deeply* until you've calmed down. An expert recommends breathing in through the nose - 4 seconds, then out through the nose, 6 seconds. There are other things you can do when you're at wits end. Within reason, a little extra food helps, although binge eating doesn't help and especially not alcohol. Distractions - a funny movie, music. Any music that makes you feel better is good. Many people say a brisk walk around the block can do wonders, especially on a sunny day. The weather is getting great, and you'll love time outside - with a friend is best.

What I'd caution you most about now is getting agitated. The suicidal feeling is a panicky feeling that you must act quickly, so the thing is to slow down and get calm. Don't let that feeling hustle you. You've got all the time in the world to work your problem out.

You'd probably be surprised at how many things can help depressed people. In my recent answer "OK so I actually want to die," I listed 9 evidence-based approaches. Just put that question heading in the Search Mail box and look at the first couple of questions. You can talk about these things with your parents or your doctor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXxatFoSbeY