跪求各位英文高手幫幫忙修改或全改 , 緊急，感激感激

事情:(由於交通問題)我想講返學時間改得太早了，就算改早了20mins都解決唔到交通問題，我見議改遲d避開繁忙時間，而且小朋友要上課外活動(放學時間冇改變)差不多留校12小時會好累，有d住得比較偏遠會沒時間休息,我見議8:45返學,才可真正解決問題 另外門外大學工程導致單程路亦是原因之

Mr.XXX,

As regards to the time of attendance, I thought it was too early for the children to go to school; even though it had been advanced by 20 mins earlier, but it couldn’t slove the problem. The rush hours is usually between 7-8 a.m.and including New Territories, Kowloon and Hong Kong Island as a whole.
May I suggest to change the time of attendance at 8:30 or 8:45 to avoid the rush hour and traffic jam.
In general, children will leave school at 5:30 p.m. and sometimes they may have other activities after school and some of them live far away from school and had to stay there for nearly 10-12 hours. As the result, the long stay in school will definitely affect their health and losing the interest in studying. Besides that the one way traffic due to construction of the university is another main reason of the traffic jam. At length, your consideration and approval on the above suggestions will be deeply appreciated. Thank you.

Regards,
XXX

Dear XXX, Re: Changesof Time Schedule to School I think therevised time (20 mins earlier) is becoming too early for the students and rootcause of the problem of attendance. You shouldbe aware that the rush hours from New Territories to Kowloon/Hong Kong Islandis between 7:00- 8:00am and the traffic jam reaches it peak about 8:30am, soeven with your revised time, most of the students will be in the rushhours despite leaving home earlier. Isuggest to change to time of school to 8:30am or 8:45am so that most studentswill not need to get up much earlier just to allow time in rush hour traffic inorder to arrive at school during the peak traffic period. Besidesthinking about the time schedule to start the school, you have to think aboutthe time required for students to rest after school. Sometimes when they have after-school activities,their school hours will be 10-12 hours and may not arrive home after8:00-9:00pm. Their rest hours will bemuch less if they have to start their day from home before 6:30am in order toget to school on time before 8:00am racing against the mass working population. In addition,the construction of the one-way street in the campus that increased the time todrop off people if majority of students are arriving at the same time. Thank youfor allowing me to express my opinion to the school.