Relapse of eating disorder...? help...?

hi..:) i am 168cm tall. girl. age 17. im from hong kong so my english is not good... i hope you guys can understand what i say i really need your help...!
i was once anorexic, but then i decided to recover.I (think) have already went through the 'eating a lot during recovery', as i stopped having super strong cravings all the time.
Recently i ate loads again. and by loads i mean massive amounts that you couldnt imagine!
today, i think i had over 5000 calories. i had a huge breakfast today(approx. 1200 already i guess) then i had a craving of chocolate snacks so i had chocoboy. then i feel like i want more crispy stuff so i had another 3 packs of crackers. The cravings continued. To moisten my cavity i had an orange, then more crackers, and then soymilk.
After that i felt so full, decided not to have anything anymore at 4:30pm. yea i didnt have anything, until 9 when i went downstairs for a walk.i went to the market, and snacked on: 3 packs of POCKY sticks, and a bread. i continued until i get physically uncomfortable when my tummy has reached its max expansion.
During the binge, i felt miserable, thinking "oh i have already been not good so why not continue? screw it! ill just binge now so tmr will be a restriction day" after the binge was a very long guilt. I dont know how to purge so i wanted just to kill myself.
The guilt restricted me from things that i have to do.i really wanna be a normal person eating normally... can anyone help me..?