幫我改英文郵件,15點

2014-10-29 7:11 pm

請幫我改英文郵件,有錯誤的話,也麻煩讓我知道是哪裡錯了,謝謝

這是我想表達的內容:

我很訝異監理所竟然沒裝設抽號碼機.我想監理所是一個美國政府機構而且我們可從中看出美國到底有多進步.
我曾經看過客人排在監理所外面,隊伍甚至還繞了2-3圈.我曾在預約後到現場仍然等了40分鐘
.如果我們使用抽號機就不用排那麼長的隊伍了.而且我看只有4個人在幫客人報到-兩個有預約的及兩個沒預約的.這實在太沒效率了.我們必須輾轉於各個櫃檯才能完成所有的手續.在台灣,我們不必先預約,我們只要臨櫃抽號碼牌,然後找個位子坐或是先到別的地方辦別的事.在台灣的監理所,我們可以在一個櫃檯完成所有的事--報到,照相,換地址,車主等.但在美國,我們必須"旅行於"各個窗口才能完成所有的手續,而且只有兩個窗口在報到--有預約的及沒預約的.是時候改善DMV的效率了!
I was surprise that there is no Queuingmachine/ the number ATMs at DMV. I think DMV is one of the American governmentdepartments and we can tell how developed country it is form this. I’ve seenthe customer line up out of the door and it even was 2-3 lines. I’ve made anappointment before I went to DMV, but I still wait in a long line for 40minutes. If we can get numbers from Queuing machine/ the number ATMs, we don’tneed to be so long in line. And I saw that there were only four people workedat check-in counter, two for reserved customer and two for unreserved customer.That is too slow. We need to finish every step through counters. In Taiwan, wedon’t have to make an appointment before we go to DMV. We just pick up a numberfrom Queuing machine/ the number ATMs then we can have a seat or go somewhere todo something when we’re waiting. We can finish all of the steps in one counter:check-in, take photo, change address, change owner, get license etc. But weneed to take a travel to finish every steps in American DMV and only twocounter for check-in—appointment and non-appointment. I think it’s the time toimprove DMV’s efficiency!
更新1:

那我改一下,請幫我翻譯;我就是英文寫作能力欠佳,才會來這裡PO文. 煩請英文能力好的人幫我翻譯,謝謝.

更新2:

抱歉再請問 geo桑一下: 1. 抽號機正確的英文是 take-a-number machine,還是Queuingmachine/ the number ATMs 網路上查到的回答太多種了. 2. 我想表達的是: 一共只有兩個報到櫃檯--有預約及沒預約的,一個櫃檯只有兩個人在處理,每個人都要經過這兩個櫃檯,實在沒效率;但台灣的監理所不但不用先預約,去了直接抽號碼牌即可在任何一個窗口完成所有的事(而且就我觀查,台北監理所的員工人數好像沒有比我去的那家DMV多多少員工) 請問這樣要怎麼翻較順又不會落落長? 謝謝geo桑不厭其煩的解答,也謝謝你的安慰;

回答 (3)

2014-11-01 12:36 am
✔ 最佳答案
同情你的心情。辦事遇到等很久,很氣。

但發表一個小意見:
台灣的監理站,都是大衙門吧。樓房大、人員多。美國的DMV,據我只片面看過的,可能是鄉下小餐廳差不多的小房子吧。所以可以像你說「隊伍甚至還繞了2-3圈」。人員也少。

看你說的,他們也確須改進。弄個抽號機也好。

但是別和台灣比啦。台灣公家機關花納稅人的錢比較闊氣嘛,美國那麼省,服務難免差些。

2014-10-31 16:36:33 補充:
I am writing to report the long waitingtime at the DMV office at ____(請自己寫入該地點). I made an appointment, but still waited for40 minutes. I have also seen so manypeople waiting outside that the line circles around the office multiple times (以上二事,最好註明發生日期、時間). However, it seems that these problems canbe improved. For example, much time andspace are wasted on a few things, such as the following:- No take-a-number machine: if wecould just take a number, the line can be eliminated.- Traveling from counter tocounter: why can’t we complete multiple tasks at just one stop?- The separation of check-in countersof “with appointment” and “no appointment” I sincerely suggest that the wait time maybe improved. At the same time, Iappreciate the hard work of the DMV staff. Best regards, 註:- 這樣分段應該比較清楚:1.主旨、2.具體事件、3.詳細建議。- 譯文裡空的:該辦公室地點、抱怨事情發生的時間,請您自己寫上。抱怨文裡,這些該具體。- 您說他分有預約/沒預約的窗口,先說是4個人,後來又說2個窗口,您確定要怎麼說嗎?再來,如果您觀察到是他的人太少,那可能預算、編制不足。也可抱怨,但不是效率問題。如果您看到是他有別的窗口很閒,那就可抱怨效率了。這幾個是不同的問題。您沒說清楚,這點我翻譯也只簡單籠統。

2014-10-31 16:39:33 補充:
發文後發現網頁怪怪,好幾個字之間的空格怎麼沒了,字都連在一起了?
for 40
many people
can be
...
我本來是有打空格的。
網頁有問題吧。只好看得辛苦些了。

2014-11-03 11:43:11 補充:
1. ATM很奇怪。其他都可。愈白愈好。
2.
- Check-in counters are the bottleneck: there are only four people serving the “with appointment” and “no appointment” counters. They seem understaffed, and the lines are very long. Yet all we accomplish here is check-in only. We then still wait for other counters.

2014-11-03 11:46:25 補充:
先簡單如上寫,信就可以發了:

若要詳細說,從您的敘述,只能確定在報到櫃台之前「等很久」,這是結果。但不能確定是他沒效率,還是人不夠…照說這樣的分工,適用比較複雜的作業,讓報到櫃台過濾,替後面的辦事櫃檯省時間。但問題也很多…我也沒法分析。總之我們可以認為DMV的事,應該沒那麼複雜,不須這樣分工。而抽號碼一定比較好,這個建議給他啦!

另、個人認為信裡不須要和台灣比。多數人聽不進這種話:說我家鄉比你這裡好、對主管說我前公司有多好、前男友比你好、等。這可能讓人不舒服,而根本不想聽其他的話,你就沒說服力了。但是,若能說在下周遊列國,英國日本澳洲等,他們做得有多好,別人就得乖乖聽了。不要說家鄉。
2014-11-07 9:46 am
這有類似的

▶▶http://qoozoo20140926.pixnet.net/
2014-10-30 12:14 am
Re-write the whole thing.

Basically, I don't understand unless I read in Chinese.


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原文連結 [永久失效]:
https://hk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20141029000016KK01514

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