How would you describe me?

Well, I see your Ascendant is Aquarius. A humanitarian, think about mankind in general. Pisces Sun makes you a dreamer, imaginative. The Scorpio MC, you could be interested in astrology, people, life and death issues, the sciences. Your Moon is Gemini in the 2nd house makes you nervous about your possessions, worry but communications, computers could help with finances, what you own. Just a little tidbit. It's better with a chart with the 12 houses but that's all I can say at this point. Of course, it's only a general idea.

as a derp who is dumb enough to believe in horoscopes...

Well, you are a man yet you write properly. I wanna say Cancer but at the same time i wanna say mars. I'll go with cancer.

Your a superstitious idiot who is dumb enough to believe that the apparent (not real) movement of fiery balls of gas millions of lightyears away somehow has any affect on your personality. The only way it does is if you believe in astrology, thus your belief can cause you to subconciously adopt personality traits that fit your sign

human being

I wouldn't, because I don't know you x

Astrologers look at the birthchart .. the circular map of symbols that can, like any picture, be read ALL AT THE SAME TIME. We cannot read lists, like you have provided. And your list is woefully incomplete. The aspects are THE most important part of the reading.

Furthermore, a reading is always one in real-time two-way communication (in person, over the phone, on Skype) and takes an hour or more.

You will not get anything useful here. No one who understands astrology can answer your question in this format.

However, if you want to ask a very specific question, such as "Why do I ....?", that can be answered in the scope of Y/A.
IF you provide the birthchart.
Forget about providing lists .. you can only read one thing at a time .. and just like you, the birthchart works as an entire whole . it doesn't work as if everything was disconnected from everything else..

Your probably loud and opinionated, and your probably talkative. You are hard to get a long with. Maybe an outdoor sporty guy?

Very confident and energetic towards your friends and family, but very shy unless your with your friends socially.

In your mid twenties, kind, generous, fair, sensitive and take pride in your appearance. Like the water, whether it be boating, fishing, surfing, swimming or just going to the beach.