請評價我的作文

2014-08-09 4:26 am
The Hong Kong Daily is asking students to submit an article about their summer job experience. You worked as a costumed performer in Disneyland last summer. In your article, write about what you needed to do as a costumed character, and the good things and the bad things about your job. Give your article a title.

Topic: http://upload.lsforum.net/users/public/w50432014-08-%20002t147.jpg




An unforgettable summer job experience


In order to gain more job experience to prepare for my future career, I decided to find a summer job this year. Due to my last year experience, I realize that the most important thing of considering a job is ability and interest. Last year I worked as a costumed character performer in Disneyland, I finally realize that how the feeling of doing a job that is not suitable for me.

You may ask, why did I choose this job last summer?

The main reason is very simple, just like most of people, high-pay. The wages of working at Disneyland is more than other jobs like waiter 1000 dollars! In the past, I had considered that the most important thing is money. Money can improve my lives! So even if I knew that it is a hard job, I still insisted to do this job in order to earn more money.

However, this job is harder than I thought. Especially at noon, wearing a cartoon character design is hot enough just like wearing two or three eiderdown-clothes at over 40°C high temperature. I was in charge of performing Mickey Mouse. So, the performance just had starting for nearly 5 minutes, my whole body was wet with sweat. Having finished the ten minutes character performance, I had to put off design at once and drank a bottle of water because I was really thirsty at that time! With long working time over 10 hours per day at hot weather, I actually felt tired all day!
更新1:

Although that it is a hard job, I could still found some advantage at there. Disneyland is a place that is full of laughter and joy. When I saw happy faces on every visitor, my mind will be refreshed. Another thing is that I could easily to meet new friends at there.

更新2:

It could enhance my social interaction skills! Most of them were in same aged teenagers. It also provided me an opportunity to interact about studies with each other.

更新3:

Though I find some advantage at there, I have still considered that it was a hard job. After I finished the job in a day, it was already 11 o’clock at night! I felt so tired that I had to sleep! It was difficult to say my study was not affected by this job!

更新4:

Therefore, I have realized that money is not the most important of considering in a job. Actually, the most important things to consider are my ability and interest! Summer holiday is coming. I am searching a job which is suitable for my ability and interest!

更新5:

I want to gain more job experience to prepare my future career!

更新6:

Pay isn't everything. I think what is more important to me is job satisfaction.

更新7:

不好意思,發問有字數限制的!

更新8:

我的中文意思是: I finally realize that how the feeling of doing a job that is not suitable for me. 我終於領悟了做一份不適合我的工作有什麼樣的感受。

回答 (4)

2014-08-09 4:45 pm
✔ 最佳答案
I can tell that you are a determined hardworking person but you wont go far if you stict to your present path. Why not start from the basics? Please go through the basic grammar rules again. Then go through all your mistakes one by one. Find out what is wrong. If not, you will just keep making those mistakes again and again.
When you write an essay of this length, you make many mistakes. It is very unlikely that you can learn from the mistakes. You are lucky if someone is kind enough to point out all the mistakes to you. Even if that happens, how much will you learn from them?
Instead of proofreading the whole passage for you, I would like to look closely at one sentence.
Last year I worked as a costumed character performer in Disneyland, I finally realize that how the feeling of doing a job that is not suitable for me.
You have made many grammatical mistakes in a single sentence. Worst of all, I have no idea what you mean to say in the second part of the sentence. Normally my knowledge in Chinese would help but not this time.
How about you look at this sentence carefully and see how many mistakes you can locate.

2014-08-10 09:34:46 補充:
Now I know what you mean to say. Can you tell me how many clauses are there? Are there any conjunction to link up the clauses? Please point out the subject and verb of each clause.

2014-08-10 18:18:00 補充:
To : trees

Clause = 子句

It will be a lot easier for you if you know the meaning of grammatical terms like noun, adjective, adverb, preposition, and phrase.

2014-08-10 21:02:38 補充:
Then check your dictionary.
Learn the basic grammar rules.
I can tell that you construct your essay in Chinese and then translate it word by word from Chinese to English. Stop doing that!
2014-08-09 11:44 pm
In order to gain more job experience, I decide to do a job this summer. According to last summer experience, I have realized that ability and interest are the most important things to consider when choosing a job..........................

2014-08-10 10:19:56 補充:
To Raymond:

1. What is meant by "clause"?

2. 你是指哪一句?

2014-08-10 11:17:08 補充:
The reason is simple, high-pay. The wages of costumed character are more than other jobs almost 1000 dollars! In the past, I have considered that the most important thing in my life is money. Even if I knew that it is a hard job, I insisted on this job in order to earn more money.

2014-08-10 14:27:09 補充:
However, the job was even harder than I thought, especially at noon. Wearing Mickey Mouse design was just liked wearing two or three eiderdown-clothes at over 40 degrees! So, the performance was just starting for nearly 5 minutes. My whole body was wet with sweat.

2014-08-10 14:27:18 補充:
Having finished the ten minutes character performance, I felt so hot that I had to put off the design at once and drank a whole bottle of water! After working 10 hours, I felt exhausted!

2014-08-10 18:21:55 補充:
I don't know what is "phrase".
2014-08-09 6:24 am
Error and correction on Grammar only.An attempt to answer only:-
ability + interest = suitability.
----->people (think) that a high pay of 1000 dollars should be more than other job's pay.
----->had starting= been started
----->(at) there= there----->no at
----->could easily (to) meet new friends (at) there= no (to), no (at).
----->same (aged) teenaged (group)= same teenaged group
----->(at)there=there----->no (at)
----->(of) considering= when considering
----->my future career=Pay isn't everything=money not most important.
Hence:-Don't write something again or more than once to keep the Grade.

2014-08-09 11:11:41 補充:
Your Chinese meaning in another sentence should be:-I realize how I feel sick and sorry doing a job that is not suitable for me.
2014-08-09 5:37 am
Good!下次不要補充太多次!


收錄日期: 2021-04-20 15:17:31
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