Your school is planning to organize a ‘Parent-child Sports Day’ to promote the benefits of doing sports to parents and students. Your teacher has asked you to write a promotional leaflet of this event for all of parents.
Parents –child Sports Day
Background (date/time/venue/fee/deadline of application)
Our school will hold ‘Parents-child Sports Day’ on 25 th March, 2014 at 9:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. at our school hall and playground. If it is a rainy day, the venues will change into our school hall and school small hall. The aim of organizing ‘Parent-child Sports Day’ is to promote the relationship between parents and children and making a habit of doing sport. Application forms accept before 16 th March, 2014. Please hand in into the box at school office. The admission fee is free, so please don’t missing at this activity and join in as soon as possible.
What activities are included
The sports day will provide fun, entertaining and exciting sports for parents and children, including basketball, skipping, badminton, dancing, running and so on. Some sports are just for fun and relaxing and some of these are for exciting, holding at competition. When you finish each sport, you will receive a wonderful gift.
The reason of joining this event
Nowadays, people are busy with their jobs or studies, lack of time to do sports. However, doing sports can reduce stress and increasing job motivation. Moreover, most of the parents and children are seldom communicate with each others too. Therefore, our school decides to hold sports day for promoting your family relationship and to make a habit of doing sport. Also, there will have some social workers and teachers give you some suggestions about how you can get along with family and making a habit of doing sport.
please correct my essay
2014-07-18 5:53 am
回答 (6)
2014-07-18 10:18 am
✔ 最佳答案
A low passing grade.1. It is a "promotional leaflet". However, the "leaflet" did a poor job in promoting the event.
2. The arrangement of the "leaflet" could be better. At the least, don't throw all the detail at first.
3. Various grammar issues.
In conclusion - you have successful brought out the "Sports Day", but failed to convince the readers to join.
2014-07-18 23:28:48 補充：
The organization of this leaflet need some serious works.
2014-07-19 4:56 pm
1. to promote the relationship .... and build a habit of ...有問題
父母與孩子關係已經有, 不用去 promote
重要是 promote a healthy relationship
Sports Day 只有 7 ½ hr. 怎能 build a habit of doing sport?
to promote a healthy relationship between parents and children and to encourage everyone to form a good habit of ....
2014-07-19 09:15:18 補充：
1. .. continue
這句無需前後說兩次 (在 aim 和 reason), leaflet 要簡短
2. Please send it to the box at the school office. ~ 錯
Please drop the attached reply slip into the mailbox at the school office.
不會寄去 box,
沒有說如何申請 send it (What is “it”? a letter, application form, or the attached reply slip?
2014-07-19 09:30:27 補充：
3. In case of rain, the event IS moved to the school small hall instead of the outdoor playground.
school hall 沒有更換, change 不應提 school hall
4. so please don’t miss this activity and join us as soon as possible.
這句移去最後作結尾, 改了
Please don’t miss this opportunity to participate and all are welcome.
2014-07-19 10:02:25 補充：
Writing a good leaflet in plain English isn't easy.
You have to think hard about what you are going to say, why you are saying it, and who'll be reading it.
I only mention four points.
To 知足常樂, Ling, and Raymond:
Thank you for the sharing.
父母與孩子關係已經有, 不用去 promote
重要是 promote a healthy relationship
Sports Day 只有 7 ½ hr. 怎能 build a habit of doing sport?
to promote a healthy relationship between parents and children and to encourage everyone to form a good habit of ....
2014-07-19 09:15:18 補充：
1. .. continue
這句無需前後說兩次 (在 aim 和 reason), leaflet 要簡短
2. Please send it to the box at the school office. ~ 錯
Please drop the attached reply slip into the mailbox at the school office.
不會寄去 box,
沒有說如何申請 send it (What is “it”? a letter, application form, or the attached reply slip?
2014-07-19 09:30:27 補充：
3. In case of rain, the event IS moved to the school small hall instead of the outdoor playground.
school hall 沒有更換, change 不應提 school hall
4. so please don’t miss this activity and join us as soon as possible.
這句移去最後作結尾, 改了
Please don’t miss this opportunity to participate and all are welcome.
2014-07-19 10:02:25 補充：
Writing a good leaflet in plain English isn't easy.
You have to think hard about what you are going to say, why you are saying it, and who'll be reading it.
I only mention four points.
To 知足常樂, Ling, and Raymond:
Thank you for the sharing.
2014-07-19 6:39 am
Parents –child Sports Day
Background (date/time/venue/fee/deadline of application)
‘Parents-child Sports Day’ will be held by our school from 9:30am to 5:00pm on 25 th March, 2014 Venue will be at our school hall and playground. If it is a rainy day, the venues will be changed to our school hall and school small hall.
The aim of organizing ‘Parent-child Sports Day’ is to promote the relationship between parents and children and build a habit of doing sport.
Application will be accepted on/ before 16 th March, 2014. Please send it to the box at the school office. The admission is free, so please don’t miss this activity and join us as soon as possible.
What activities are included
The sports day will provide fun, entertainment and excitement for parents and children - basketball, rope skipping, badminton, dancing, running and so on. Some sports are just for fun and relaxing and some are for excitement holding ???. When you finish each sport, you will receive a wonderful gift.
The reason of joining this event
Nowadays, people are busy with their jobs or studies, lack of time to do sports. However, doing sports can reduce stress and increase job motivation. Moreover, most of the parents and children seldom communicate with each others. Consequently (better than Therefore), our school decides to hold sports day for promoting the family relationship and building up a habit of doing sports. Also, some social workers and teachers will be theregiving suggestions how to get along with family and build a habit of doing sport.
If you do it as a leaflet, it can be understood instantly than a letter
Dear Sir/Madam,
Our school is holding a Parets - Child Sports Day on 25th March 2014. Admission is free so please kindly submit your application and join us for a wonderful day
Parents –child Sports Day- 25th March 2014
Date:
Time:
Venue:
Application date :..
Submission of application:
Sports Types::
Prize :
Aim of event :
Background (date/time/venue/fee/deadline of application)
‘Parents-child Sports Day’ will be held by our school from 9:30am to 5:00pm on 25 th March, 2014 Venue will be at our school hall and playground. If it is a rainy day, the venues will be changed to our school hall and school small hall.
The aim of organizing ‘Parent-child Sports Day’ is to promote the relationship between parents and children and build a habit of doing sport.
Application will be accepted on/ before 16 th March, 2014. Please send it to the box at the school office. The admission is free, so please don’t miss this activity and join us as soon as possible.
What activities are included
The sports day will provide fun, entertainment and excitement for parents and children - basketball, rope skipping, badminton, dancing, running and so on. Some sports are just for fun and relaxing and some are for excitement holding ???. When you finish each sport, you will receive a wonderful gift.
The reason of joining this event
Nowadays, people are busy with their jobs or studies, lack of time to do sports. However, doing sports can reduce stress and increase job motivation. Moreover, most of the parents and children seldom communicate with each others. Consequently (better than Therefore), our school decides to hold sports day for promoting the family relationship and building up a habit of doing sports. Also, some social workers and teachers will be theregiving suggestions how to get along with family and build a habit of doing sport.
If you do it as a leaflet, it can be understood instantly than a letter
Dear Sir/Madam,
Our school is holding a Parets - Child Sports Day on 25th March 2014. Admission is free so please kindly submit your application and join us for a wonderful day
Parents –child Sports Day- 25th March 2014
Date:
Time:
Venue:
Application date :..
Submission of application:
Sports Types::
Prize :
Aim of event :
2014-07-18 5:52 pm
Your teacher has asked you to write a promotional leaflet of this event for all of parents.
for all of parents??????
for all of parents??????
2014-07-18 7:24 am
thank you very much~!
2014-07-18 6:49 am
at 9:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
from 9:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
the venues will change into
the venue will be changed to
[Godfrey 上次解釋過用眾數或單數是看前者非後者]
making a habit
to make a habit
[前面你是用 to promote]
accept before
accepted before
[用 past participle]
don’t missing at this activity
don’t miss this activity
2014-07-17 22:55:50 補充：
join in
join us
for exciting
for excitement
lack of time to do sports
they are lack of time to do sports
increasing
increase
[can 後用bare infinitive]
are seldom communicate
seldom communicate
[典型 Chinglish，在英文中小心用 is/am/are]
each others
each other
2014-07-17 22:56:01 補充：
there will have some
there will be some
[典型 Chinglish，在英文中小心用 there]
give you some suggestions
giving you some suggestions
[句子主動詞是 (there) will be, give 是子句中的動詞]
making
make
[can 後用bare infinitive]
2014-07-19 20:41:22 補充：
Godfrey, thank you very much!
╭∧---∧╮
│ .✪‿✪ │
╰/) ⋈ (\\╯
from 9:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
the venues will change into
the venue will be changed to
[Godfrey 上次解釋過用眾數或單數是看前者非後者]
making a habit
to make a habit
[前面你是用 to promote]
accept before
accepted before
[用 past participle]
don’t missing at this activity
don’t miss this activity
2014-07-17 22:55:50 補充：
join in
join us
for exciting
for excitement
lack of time to do sports
they are lack of time to do sports
increasing
increase
[can 後用bare infinitive]
are seldom communicate
seldom communicate
[典型 Chinglish，在英文中小心用 is/am/are]
each others
each other
2014-07-17 22:56:01 補充：
there will have some
there will be some
[典型 Chinglish，在英文中小心用 there]
give you some suggestions
giving you some suggestions
[句子主動詞是 (there) will be, give 是子句中的動詞]
making
make
[can 後用bare infinitive]
2014-07-19 20:41:22 補充：
Godfrey, thank you very much!
╭∧---∧╮
│ .✪‿✪ │
╰/) ⋈ (\\╯
收錄日期: 2021-04-11 20:44:18
原文連結 [永久失效]:
https://hk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20140717000051KK00159