麻煩幫忙修改Cover Letter

Dear Sir/Madam,

Beauty Consultant
I write to apply for the post of Beauty Consultant advertised in the showcasing windows of one of your Company branches.

I am commited to pursuing in Project Yi Jin after my F5 graduation in "Nutrition and Beauty Care" and obtained all "A" results. In addition, I possessed six years of retail experiences and proven ability to deal sucessfully with customers and clients services skills and experience.

Encloesd is my CV for your perusal, and I can start to work immediately.

I am available for an interview for more mutual respect and understanding and my contact phone no. is 9876 5432. Please feel free to contact me should you have any queries.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours faithfully,

XXX
Enc. CV

Dear Sir / Madam,

Application for the Position of Beauty Consultant
I was [x very] [happy] to [find] that your company is [now] recruiting Beauty Consultant. [With an interest in pursing a career in the beauty industry, I would like to apply for this position.]
After [I completed Form 5], I [enrolled] in Project Yi Jin, [where I majored in Nutrition and Beauty Care and graduated with grade A results.] [In addition,] I have 6 years [of] retail experience and [have been good at serving customers and managing customer relationships].
[It is my sincere wish to work as a beauty consultant for your company. I am pleased to attach my resume for your review and am immediately available for work. Please feel free to contact me anytime.] My contact number is 9876 5432.
Thank you [so much] for your time and consideration. [I am looking forward to hearing from you.]
Yours faithfully,XXX

2014-06-27 19:09:13 補充：
其實無咩必要話喺間舖睇到個廣告，不過如果真係要講，可以係第一段：
From the advertisement outside your store, I was (...)

2014-06-27 19:10:10 補充：
Sorry, 第一段應該係 I [am] happy 而唔係 I [was] happy

Dear Sir / Madam,I would like to apply for the position of beautyconsultant which you posted on the door of one of your branches. After my high school education, I studied in Project YiJin majoring in “Nutrition and Beauty Care” and obtained straight “A”s in allof the subjects. In addition, I possessed six years of retail experiences and excellentcustomer service skills.Attached is my resume for your perusal. I hope I can be granted for an interview, soI can explain my qualifications more thoroughly. Please feel free to contact me at 9876-5432should you have any questions. I lookforward to hearing from you.Thank you for your time and consideration. Yours Faithfully,
XXX