急問英文句子problem

I went to Sue’s room to read a book yesterday. I arrived at there at 10:30a.m.. The room is big and has a television inside. A tall man was in the room. The screen of the television is wide. I started to read the book at 10:41a.m.. This book is interesting. While I was reading the book, my mother was washing dishes.

我諗咁樣會好d..

I went to Sue’s room to read a book at 1030am yesterday. The room is big. There is a television in the room. A tall man was in the room. The screen of the television is wide. I started to read the book at 10:41am. The book is interesting. While I was reading the book, my mother was washing dishes.

I started reading the book at 1041am - better English
I started to read the book at 10:41am - Ok in grammar but not good English

The room is big. There is a television. There is wide = use present tense because room was big yesterday and it is small today.

Error and correction on Grammatical Mistakes:-
(1)+(2):-
I went to Sue's room to read a book at 10:30 am yesterday.
(3)+(4)=(7):-
The room was too big with a wide screen television being laid (=put down position)
Not lies in (=be situated, be located, be horizontal)
(5)+(6)No need ;should be cancelled;un-related;(A tall man was in the room.)
(8)+(9)+(10)+(11):-
I started to read the book,which was interesting, at 10:41 am.
While I was reading, my mother was washing dishes.

純粹個人意見，或有錯漏，互相交流下啦

第一二句都係重點講時間，可combine：
I went to Sue’s room to read a book yesterday at 10:30am.

第三、四句如果係咁重提the room就會變得clumsy, 所以我都會combine佢：
The room was big and there was a television inside.

第五句無啦啦講有個人而之後又講返個tv,所以比着我，我會rearrange佢(括號係指我認為此句可不要/再增長，因為用意不明)：
The screen of the television was wide. (A tall man was in the room.)

我覺得最後幾句都OK既，冇乜grammatical mistakes(?)
I started to read the book at 10:41am. The book was interesting. While I was reading the book, my mother was washing dishes.

雖然我英文唔係好勁,但我盡力回答你的問題。


第一,由第一句至第二句可以用得簡潔D, 一句搞掂。
Yesterday, i went to Sue's room to read a book at 10:30 a.m.

第四.第五句,以及第八句應合埋一齊講, 以及唔可以用「was a television」
When i arrived her room, there was too big and the big screen television was lay here.

第六至第七句都係應該合埋一齊講。
i saw that a man was staying in the room, and he was tall.

其餘應該冇問題的。

2014-04-16 22:58:44 補充：
應該係When i arrived her room, there was too big and the big screen television was laid here.