[help] a problem with eating and food...?

I always think so so so much about what to eat before a meal...it takes me a long time before making a decision... Like for example a bowl of fried chicken wings noodles i ate this lunch , I thought alot about: if i REALLY want to eat it ? the kind of it, if protein or fat is too much? If i'm gonna eat chicken again tonight so i shall not choose it now since its gonna repeat? If its fattening? If the quality is good? If chicken skin is bad for me?
Chicken wings are one of my fear foods and im trying to overcome so i chose it...since im on the path of anorexia recovery...
I felt guilty after it... very. Because i actually felt like eating meat but my mum decided to come a noodles restaurant so...i once wanted to reject the idea but i was not confident enough .. I judged myself: why didn't i make the suggestion to go to another restaurant instead? why didn't i choose a healthy food instead so i could have saved my calorie quota?
im so fed up now... so pissed off of myself... hated myself...failure... i consider myself as very very weird... help...